THE BEASMAN scrub that tat
HEY LARRRREEEEEEE! LARRY MINNER! (laffs) I AIN’T QUIT LAUGHIN SINCE THE NC2A SHOWED UP AT U OF SMELL AND REPLACED THE THINKER STATUE WITH THE GRIM REAPER. (laffs) LOSERVILLE BASKETBAW IS DEADER THAN BILL COSBY’S MARRIAGE. (laffs) LEMME IN THAT YUM YUM SINNER SO ME AND MATT JONES CAN CUT DOWN THAT FAKE NEWS BANNER. TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! THROW THAT FRAUD BANNER IN THE BOTTOM OF THE OHI-ER RIVER WITH MOHAMMAD ALI’S MEDAL!

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – HE’S PRAYIN THAT SLICK RICK DON’T GIT FIRED CUZ U OF SMELL IS THE ONE BUNNY GAME ON THE CATS SCHEDULE! (laffs) Y’ALL DON’T NEED CHEERLEADERS – Y’ALL NEED PRAYER LEADERS. (laffs) WHAT KIND OF LIES IS YOU SPEWIN FROM YOUR FILTHY CARDINAL MOUTH TODAY? YOU STILL SAYIN SLICK RICK DINT KNOW NOTHIN BOUT THEM GRAMMAW STRIPPERS? (laffs) I BET YOU BLEEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY, TOO, YOU BALD HAIRED NITWIT. ALL Y’ALL U OF SMELL MEDIA SUCKUPS IS TRYIN TO FIND A WAY TO CONVINCE THE NC2A APPEALS PEOPLE TO CHANGE THEIR MIND ABOUT YANKIN DOWN THAT BANNER. “OHHHH….HAVE MERCY ON US, NC2A! SLICK DINT KNOW! ANDRE MCGEE WAS CRAZY FROM A CONCUSSION! OLD LADY STRIPPERS NEEDED THE MONEY CUZ OF TRUMP’S CUTBACKS!” (laffs) LARRY, ENOUGH WITH THE BUXCUSES. YOU IS PEEIN IN THE WIND, SON. AIN’T NO CHANGIN THEM NC2A INFRACTION COMMITTEE MINDS.

LOSERVILLE IS THE BEST LITTLE SLEAZEYARD IN COLLEGE SPARTS AND THE NC2A IS SINGIN “TURN OUT THE LIGHTS, THE PARTY’S OVER!” Y’ALL U OF SMELLERS AIN’T SHOWED NO SYMPATHY FOR THE PARENTS OF THEM YOUNG BOYS WHAT WAS DE-FLOWERED BY THEM GRAMMAW STRIPPERS. THEM RESPECTACLE CHURCH LADIES ON THE NC2A INFRACTIONS PANEL SAID IT WAS REPUGNANT, REPULSIVE, DISGUSTIN, AND DOWNRIGHT SKEEZY. BUT SLICK RICK AND THEM OTHER U OF SMELL LEADERS DON’T CARE NOTHIN ABOUT WHAT MOMS THINK. TO U OF SMELL, TRAUMERTIZIN HIGH SCHOOL BOYS WITH VARICOSE VEIN SENIOR CITIZEN SLUTS IS CALLED REE-CRUITIN. HOW DID THEM OLD LADY FLOOSIES GIT UP TO THE SECOND FLOOR ON THEIR WALKERS? MUSTA BEEN THE MYSTERIOUS “COACH MIKE” WHO CARRIED EM UP THERE. LARRY, ALL U OF SMELL OFFICIALS TAWK ABOUT IS THEIRSELFS AND THEIR MISERY AND THEIR LOST MONEY AND THEIR PAIN.

MEMBER THE OTHER DAY WHEN THAT GUY FROM CHANNEL 3 AST SLICK RICK WHAT HE WAS TAKIN RESPONSIBILITY FOR AND SLICK GOT ALL MAD? THEY JUST FOUND THAT REPORTER FLOATIN IN THE RIVER THIS MARNIN. U OF SMELL IS A BUNCH OF GANGSTERS, LARRY, AND YOU IS A LOW LEVEL THUG THEY PROBLEE GONNA GRIND UP AND BURY LIKE JIMMY HOFFA. BUT THEIR DAYS OF TERRORIZIN THE REST OF THE CITY IS OVER. THE NC2A FINALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT KENTUCKY FANS BEEN SAYING FOREVER: U OF SMELL IS SCUMBAG CITY AND NEEDS TO BE BULLDOZED AWAY FOR GOOD.

IF SLICK RICK WANTS TO FINALLY CHANGE HIS LIFE, HE GOTTA STOP ASTIN THE NC2A TO TAKE AWAY HIS SUSPENSION AND GIVE HIM BACK HIS FAKE NEWS CHAMPERCHIPS BANNER. HE GOT TO TRULY GIT HUMBLE AND ADMIT THE TRUTH. COME ON, SLICK. SAY IT OUT LOUD. SAY WHAT WE ALL BEEN WAITIN TO HEAR. ADMIT WHAT EVERBODY ELSE ALREADY KNOWS. COACH CAL IS YOUR MASTER AND U UH KAY IS THE GREATEST PROGRUM OF ALL TIME. SAY IT NOW.

AND IF YOU REALLY WANT GOD TO FORGIVE YOU FOR ALL THE CRIMES AND SINS YOU COMMITTED THAT WE ALL KNOW YOU DONE DID, COME ON OUT OF YOUR GOLDEN TOWER OF UPPITYNESS AND LET ME SCRAPE THAT STUPID CARDINAL TATTOO OFF YOUR BACK. THAT TATTOO IS A LIE SO IT’S GOTTA GO.

MEET ME RIGHT NOW OVER AT PEP BOYS AND WE’LL TAKE A HANDFUL OF STEEL WOOL AND SCRAPE THAT UGLY LIE OFF YOUR BACK FOR GOOD! THE FIRST STEP IN REDEMPTION IS PAINFUL. BELIEVE ME, THAT STEEL WOOL AIN’T GONNA TICKLE BUT IT’S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR LIFE OF DECEIT. SHOUT IT OUT, CAT FANS: SCRUB THAT TAT! SCRUB THAT TAT! SCRUB THAT TAT!

AND UNLOCK THE YUM YUM SO US CAT FANS CAN TAKE DOWN THAT BANNER. TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! OH, AND CONGRATS ON WINNING ONE BASEBAW GAME. THAT’S LIKE EATIN ONE SNICKERS BAR ON YOUR WAY TO THE GAS CHAMBER! YOU’RE DEAD, CARDINAL BIRDS!