radio sketch, Tuesday, December 19, 2017

THE BEASMAN wisdom teeth drugs
(laffs) HEY LARRY! I JUST WATCHED THAT VIDEO OF THE GIRL WHO’S ALL HIGH AFTER GITTIN HER WISDOM TOOTHS TOOK OUT. SHE STARTS CRYING WHEN HER MAMA TELLS HER SHE GOES TO U OF SMELL AND SO SHE SAYS “GO CATS…Ls DOWN!” (laffs) SHE IS ASHAMED SHE HAD TO GO TO U OF SMELL FOR GRADUMAGATE SCHOOL. (laffs) THAT MADE ME LAFF REAL HARD, LARRY.

when I found out I go to Louisville after getting my wisdom teeth out ?? pic.twitter.com/kcxdOGsiDV

— Haley Tye (@_haykathryn) December 15, 2017

EVEN WITHOUT HER WISDOM TEEF, SHE IS SOMEONE STILL VERY WISE. (laffs) IT JUST SHOWS YOU THAT EVEN U OF SMELL STUDENTS LOVE U UH KAY DOWN DEEP. THEY JUST GOTTA HIDE THEIR CAT FAN LOVE SO THEY CAN GRADUMAGATE. THEN ONCE THEY GIT IN THE REAL WORLD AND REALIZE THEIR U OF SMELL DIPLOMA IS WORTHLESS, THEY HATE THE CARDINAL BIRDS EVEN MORE. (laffs)

AWWWW, POOR LARRY AND ALL HIS RAGGEDY U OF SMELL CARDINAL BUDDIES CAINT HAVE NO GOOD CHRISTMAS CUZ YOUR WORLD BLOWED UP.

BYE BYE SLICK AND TOMMY. SO LONG NC2A CHAMPERCHIP. BYE BYE 156 GAMES GITTIN WIPED OFF THE RECORD BOOKS. THE NC2A GRINCH IS COMIN AND ALL THE LITTLE LOOS DOWN IN LOOVILLE GONNA LOSE THAT FAKE NEWS CHAMPERCHIPS BANNER. TOO BAD, SO SAD. SLICK RICK AIN’T GOT NO MONEY FOR CHRISTMAS CUZ HE GAMBLED IT ALL AWAY ON HARSES AND TOMMY TURTLENECK IS NOW A WAL-MART GREETER. SLICK SAYS HE WAKES UP AT 5:30 WAITIN FOR THE SUN TO COME UP BUT HE AIN’T GOT NO JOB TO GO TO.

HEY SLICK, WHY DON’T YOU TRY GOIN TO CHURCH AND CONFESSIN YOUR SINS? COACH CAL GOES TO MASS EVER DAY AND YOU SEE HOW GREAT HE IS CUZ GOD RECKER-NIZERS SINCERITY! I BETCHA IF SLICK WENT TO CHURCH THE ROOF WOULD FALL IN. COACH CAL IS A SAINT. THAT’S WHY THE WILDCATS IS #1 AND U OF SMELL IS A DUMPSTER FIRE. GOD IS LIKE SANTY CLAUS CUZ HIS NAUGHTY LIST STARTS WITH SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, CAR JACKIN, THUG U OF SMELLERS. (laffs)

AND GOD MADE ALL U UH KAY FANS GOOD AND CLASSY. THAT’S WHY WE DINT EVEN START NO FIGHTS AFTER THE U OF SMELL GIRLS BEAT THE U UH KAY GIRLS ON SUNDEE. WE DINT START NO COUCHES ON FIRE OR SLASH THE TIRES ON THE U OF SMELL BUS. THAT’S CUZ IT’S CHRISTMAS AND YOU POSED TO DO SOMETHIN NICE FOR THE POOR AND DOWNTRODDEN, WHICH IS WHAT U OF SMELL IS. (laffs)

SO Y’ALL JUST BE HAPPY WITH YOUR LITTLE GIRL BASKETBAW VICTREE AND PREE-PARE FOR ALL THE OTHER HARRIBLE THINGS THAT’S BOUT TO HAPPEN. COACH CAL AND THE MEN’S U UH KAY TEAM GONNA DEE-STROY BOY PADGETT AND HIS BAND OF CARDINAL CONVICTS WHEN THEY GIT HERE NEXT WEEK. AFTER THE CATS WHOOPED VIRGINNY TECH, OUR GREAT NEW WILDCAT QUADE GREEN SAID “WE GONNA WHOOP LOSERVILLE AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR OUR GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS!”

obsession: a thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind ?

NEXT GAME vs @UCLAMBB 12/23 pic.twitter.com/1F7OMT5KnN

— Terry Meiners (@terrymeiners) December 16, 2017

HE DINT EVEN SAY NOTHIN BOUT THE CATS HAVIN TO PLAY U.C.L.A. THIS SAIRDEE CUZ WE ALREADY LOOKIN AHEAD TO THUMPIN LITTLE BROTHER LOSERVILLE AGIN. UCLA AIN’T NOTHIN BUT A BUNCH OF CALLY-FARNIA DOPE SMOKIN HIPPIE FREAKS SO THE CATS GONNA CRUSH ‘EM. COACH CAL IS LOCKED IN ON BEATIN LOSERVILLE CUZ THAT’S WHAT HE LIVES FOR. COACH CAL BEAT SLICK RICK EVER TIME AND NOW HE’S GONNA GIVE BOY PADGETT A BIG DOSE OF THE SAME MEDICINE.

"Merry Christmas, you bunch of two bit, pencil neck, pathetic excuse for a man, crybaby sissies. Drop down and give me ten pushups, you candy apples!" ???? pic.twitter.com/6rBh76LEo6

— Terry Meiners (@terrymeiners) December 17, 2017

BETTER ENJOY CHRISTMAS THIS WEEKEND CUZ U UH KAY BOUT TO MAKE IT FEEL LIKE HALLER-WEEN ALL OVER AGAIN IN LOSERVILLE COME THE 29TH. AND THEN STOOPS TROOPS GONNA MAKE IT A DAILY DOUBLE OF WILDCAT DOMMERATION OVER THEM PURPLE PANSIES FROM NARTHWESTRY! CATS! CATS! CATS!

SANTY CLAUS IS BRINING A BEATDOWN TO U OF SMELL SO GIT READY TO BURN COUCHES AND PLAY THEM BANJOES ALL NIGHT LONG! COUSIN EDDIE IS GONNA HAVE THAT R.V. ROCKIN ALL NIGHT AFTER U UH KAY GIVES THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS ANOTHER TASTE OF LOSER PIE! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

———-

Here’s what The Beasman had to say last week after ESPN chronicled UofL’s 2017 stack of scandals.