THE BEASMAN Diablo is back
GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY U UH WILDCAT FANS IS JUMPIN FOR JOY CUZ EL DIABLO IS COMIN BACK TO KENTUCKY! YEP, COACH CAL DONE GOT ON HIS HOVER BOARD AND ROAD IT ALL THE WAY TO NEW YARK TO BEG THE GREATEST BASKETBAW PLAYER WHO EVER LIVED, EL DIABLO TO COME BACK TO LEXINUN AFTER THAT STUPID DUMMY BAMBA SAID HE’S TOO SKEERED TO BE A WILDCAT.
SO DIABLO SAYS TO HISSELF, HE SAYS: DO I WANNA GO TO N.B.A. HELL WITH SOME SUCKY TEAM OR DO I WANNA BE IN WILDCAT HEAVEN WITH PURDY GIRLS SWARMIN ALL OVER ME, LIVE IN A PALACE DARM, FLY AROUND ON FANCY JETS, AND HAVE COACH CAL TURNIN ME INTO THE NEXT LEE-BRON JAMES?
IT WAS A NO-BRAINER! EL DIABLO TODE HIS AGENT TO GRAB ALL THE MONEY HE DONE TOOK AND GIVE IT TO HIS COUSIN LUCIFER TO HIDE TIL NEXT YEAR.
EL DIABLO IS COMIN BACK TO LEXINUN TO WIN US ANOTHER NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS AND SAVE COACH CAL’S JOB! THAT’S RIGHT, US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS APPRECIATE THAT COACH CAL GITS US TO LOTS OF FINAL FOURS, AND HE CAN RIDE A HOVER BOARD, AND HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY, AND HE SAYS THERE AIN’T NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT, AND HE’S A BIGTIME PRODCASTER WITH A MILLION TWITTER TWATS, AND HE GOT HIS OWN 30 + 30 SPECIAL ON EXPN…BUT AIN’T NONE OF THAT MATTERS IF HE DON’T GIT ER DONE BY WINNIN IT ALL FOR U UH KAY!
DADGUMMIT, EVER YEAR WE GIT THE #1 REE-CRUITIN CLASS AND THIS TIME WE GOT 6 MACDONALD BURGER BOYS BUT THAT AIN’T LIKE WINNIN IT ALL! WITH ALL COACH CAL GOT TO WORK WITH BUT STILL FADES OUT BY LOSIN TO CHEATIN NARTH CARAMALINER, OR WHITE BOY WESS-CONSIN, OR HOOSIER MAMA INJIANNER HAS BEENS… DADGUMMIT…WE IS THE CATS! WE DONE RUN OUTTA PATIENCE FOR OUR COACH WHO SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME ON TV TRYIN TO SELL HIS BOOK THAT TAKES 19 CHAPTERS TO SAY “TO BE A WINNER IN LIFE, TRY HARDER.”
WELL COACH CAL, HOW ABOUT SPENDIN MORE TIME BEIN A WINNER AT MARCH MADNESS THAN YOU DO RUNNIN AROUND PROMOTIN BOOKS, PRODCASTS, TWITTER TWATS, AND RUNNY YOGURT STANDS? NOW THAT YOU GOT EL DIABLO, THE DEVIL HISSELF, COMIN TO ACTUALLY PLAY FOR U UH KAY INSTEAD OF JUST HANGIN AROUND THE GYM…WE WANT US A NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIP OR ELSE YOU GOT TO HIT THE BRICKS AND LET US MAKE COW MACY THE NEXT WILDCAT COACH.
THIS IS OUR TIME, DADGUMMIT! NOT ONLY WILL THE WILDCATS GIT TO PLAY EL DIABLO IN A ACTUAL GAME, DURING HIS FREE TIME HE CAN STILL DO HIS DEVIL MAGIC TO KEEP U OF SMELL IN TROUBLE. THE DEVIL HAS BEEN TEMPTIN THEM SINFUL U OF SMELL THUGS EVER SINCE TRAITOR TURNCOAT SLICK RICK STABBED BIG BLUE NATION BY TAKIN THAT JOB. SO KEEP UP YOUR EL DIABLO TRICKS OF SENDING FLOOZIES AND SHADY BOOSTERS AROUND THERE THROWIN STRIPPER PARTIES SO THAT U OF SMELL STAYS IN NC2A JAIL FOREVER.
SLICK RICK HOLDS A PRESS CONFRENCE JUST TO ANNOUNCE THAT NOBODY DING DANG DUNG IS COMIN BACK AND COACH CAL SAYS “CHECKMATE” BY GUNNOUNCIN THAT EL DIABLO, THE GREATEST PLAYER EVER BARN, IS COMIN TO U UH KAY AND THIS TIME HE WON’T BE IN STREET CLOTHES.
LUCKY FOR YOU ROTTEN U OF SMELLERS THAT IT’S MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND SO HAVE A CEREMONY TO BURY YOUR DREAMS OF EVER BEATIN U UH KAY AGAIN, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GANG BANG, SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROWN ROYAL, FLATBILL, COUSIN MARRYIN, GRAMPA PUNCHIN, SHOOT-EM-UP, LAWLESS, TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS, U OF SMELL CARDINAL FRAUDS. GAS UP YOUR RED BUS FOR THE N.I.T.
THE WILDCATS IS GOIN FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! MATTER OF FACT, WE GOT SO MANY SUPERSTARS, WE BETTER GIT TWO YACHTS!
