THE BEASMAN football is here
HELLO, IDIOT. IS YOU STILL TURNIN CARTWHEELS OVER THE GOOD CHURCH LADY GOIN TO JAIL? HOW DARE THEM SUPREME COURT GAY LOVERS PUT A GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN BEHIND BARS JUST FOR BEIN A CATS FAN.
YOU KNOW SHE’S BLUE, LARRY, CUZ SHE GOT MORALS AND SHE AINT GOT NO TATTOOS LIKE U OF SMELL THUGS DO. AND IF SHE’S IN A CELL, THAT TAKES UP A SPACE WHERE A U OF SMELL CRIMINAL OUGHT TO BE LOCKED UP.
US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS DON’T LIKE US NO GAY BOYS. MEMBER WHEN WE USED TO SHOUT “MATT WALSH IS GAY” OVER AND OVER IN RUPP ARENER? CAT FANS IS GOD FEARIN PEOPLE WHO AINT QUEER AND AINT BANK ROBBERS AND DRIVE BY SHOOTERS LIKE YOUR U OF SMELL CARDINAL CONVICTS.
I HEAR YOU SMIRKIN ABOUT THE CHURCH LADY BEIN IN JAIL BUT YOU WON’T BE LAUGHIN ABOUT THIS TIME TOMORRY. MATTER OF FACT, I HOPE ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL FRIENDS UNDERSTAND THEY IS A-LAUGHIN THEIR LAST LAUGHS RIGHT NOW. Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS IS ALL SWOLE UP THINKIN YOU GOT A SHOT TO BEAT AUBURN TOMORRY AND THAT’S JUST SO STUPID. AUBURN AINT GONNA LET THEIR FARMER COACH COME DOWN TO LANNA AND BIMBARRASS THEM. BOBBY LITTLE BROTHER PETRINKO IS A FAILURE IN SO MANY WAYS AND US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS AINT NEVER GONNA LET HIM FORGIT IT.
WHEN WE PLAY LOSERVILLE LATER THIS YEAR, EVER CAT FAN GITS TO WEAR A BLOODY NECK BRACE TO MOCK BOBBY. I LOVE IT. AND DADGUMMIT, U UH KAY FANS DON’T GOT TO SWEAT A DROP THIS WEEKEND OF COLLEGE FOOTBAW. U OF SMELL IS GONNA GIT WHOMPED BY A BIGTIME S.E.C. SCHOOL NAME OF AUBURN AND RIGHT WHEN THAT GAME IS OVER, ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS GIT TO LAUGH AT THE BROKEBACK CARDINALS WHILE WE WALK INTO THE NEW SHINY COMMERWEALTH STADIUM AND WATCH OUR BELOVED KENTUCKY WILDCATS PUT A BEATDOWN ON SOMEBODY. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO WE IS PLAYING CUZ IT DON’T MATTER. WE’S THE CATS. STOOPS TROOPS. FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! AND DON’T TRY TO ACT LIKE WESTERN KENTUCKY BEATIN NOBODY VANDERSMELT IS SOME KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
WHO CARES? VANDERSMELT MESSED UP A WHOLE LOT EARLY IN THAT GAME AND THEY SHOULDA GOT THAT TWO POINT CONVERSION AT THE END BUT THE REFFERMARIES CHEATED AND HELPED THAT BROHM GUY SINCE HE’S ANOTHER LOSERVILLE FAILURE. BESIDES, VANDERSMELT IS THE GAY BOY OF THE S.E.C. THEIR PLAYERS ACTUALLY GO TO CLASS STUDYING TO BE DOCTORS AND ENGINEERS AND STUFF. WHAT KIND OF GAY BOY NONSENSE IS THAT? THEY AINT REAL FOOTBAW PLAYERS IF THEY IS THINKING ABOUT EXAMS INSTEAD OF THINKING ABOUT SCORING TOUCHDOWNS OR GIVING CONCUSSIONS TO THE OTHER TEAM. KENTUCKY IS BIGTIME S.E.C. ALABAMMER WON’T EVEN PUT US ON THEIR SCHEDULE CUZ THEY IS SKEERED OF STOOPS TROOPS. JUST WATCH THE CATS WIN BY ABOUT A HUNDERD FIDDY POINTS TO NOTHING AGAINST WHOEVER WE IS PLAYING TOMORRY.
AND I’M GONNA PUT ONE OF THEM FUNNY MEE-MEEs ON THE INNERNET SHOWING YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK WITH THE WORDS “LABOR DAY OR GAY-BOR DAY?” NOW THAT’S SOME FUNNY INNERNET COMEDY RIGHT THERE. LARRY, IS YOU AND SLICK RICK GONNA GO DOWN TO LANNA AND WATCH YOUR CARDINAL BIRDS IN PERSON OR IS YOU GONNA STAY HERE WITH YOUR RAINBOW FLAG AND WALK IN THE PRIDE PARADE? Y’ALL NEED TO STOP HIDING IT AND JUST GO ON AND GIT MARRIED OUT IN SAN FRANCISSYCO WHERE THE COUNTY CLERKS IS HAPPY TO GIVE ANYBODY A MARRIAGE LICENSE AS LONG AS YOU ADMIT THAT YOU IS A COMMUNIST WHO DON’T LOVE JESUS.
AND Y’ALL IS BOTH STATUE WORSHIPPIN, BEER DRINKIN CATHLICKS SO THAT’S JUST ABOUT THE SAME. SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PERFECT RECORD, CARDINAL FANS. AUBURN IS THE FIRST OF MANY TEAMS LIKE KENTUCKY AND CLEMSON WHO’S GONNA BEAT YOU DOWN AND SHOW YOU WHY LITTLE BROTHERS OUGHT TO STAY UP ON THE PORCH WHEN THE BIGTIME BOYS COME OUT TO PLAY. SO LONG, SINNER. ME AND MY BUDDIES GOIN TO HOBBY LOBBY TO GIT OUR POM POMS AND THEN PICK UP SOME CHICK-FIL-A CHRISTIAN SAMMICHES AND GO STRAIGHT TO BIG BLUE HEAVEN IN LEXINUN. FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! YOU’RE GAY, LARRY.
