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The Beasman ain’t too pleased about Big Blue Nation outside looking in at the Final Four

THE BEASMAN natl championship night
SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE ABOUT THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS GAME, YOU BALD HAIRED, TRAITOR TURNCOAT, BACKSTABBING U OF SMELL SUCKUP! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS AINā€™T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN, DADGUMMIT. THIS WAS POSED TO BE OUR NIGHT WITH ERRBODY SCREAMIN GO BIG BLUE AND TELLIN ALL THE OTHER SCHOOLS THAT THEY SUCK. IT FEELS LIKE THE GRINCH DONE STOLE OUR BLUE CHRISTMAS AGAIN, LARRY MINNER.

ā€œCOACH CAL FOR LIFEā€ BETTER GIT US A WILDCAT CHAMPERCHIPS NEXT YEAR OR ELSE HIS LIFETIME DEAL IS GONNA END. A LIFETIME CONTRACT IS ONLY GOOD AS LONG AS YOUā€™S ALIVE, DADGUMMIT! YOU HEAR ME, COACH CAL? DONā€™T HUMILERATE BIG BLUE NATION NO MORE WITH ALL THIS ONE-AND-DONE-BUT-NEVER-FUN EARLY FADEOUTS. WE IS THE CATS! WE POSED TO WIN IT ALL EVER YEAR CUZ WE IS THE BIG BLUE!

LATE TONIGHT SOME FRAUD TEAM IS GONNA BE CUTTIN DOWN THEM NETS THAT BLONG TO THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS. IT MAKES ME WANNA VOMIT JUST THINKIN ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE GITTIN OUR TROPHY! LARRY, I GUESS U OF SMELL SCUMBAGS LIKE YOU IS A-LAUGHIN CUZ YOU GOT THEM VIRGINNY FRAUDS FROM THE A.C.C. IN THE CHAMPERCHIPS GAME. I DONā€™T KNOW HOW THEM WHITE BOYS GOT THAT FAR IN THE NC2A TOURNEYMINT WITHOUT PAYIN OFF THE REFFERMARIES.

YOU KNOW THEY SHOULDA CALLED THAT DOUBLE DRIBBLE IN THE AUBURN GAME BUT NAWWWW, ā€œLET ā€˜EM PLAYā€ THEM CHEATIN REFFERMARIES SAID. ITā€™S ALL A BIG JOKE ANYMORE, LARRY MINNER. AUBURN DINT GOT NO BIDNESS BEATIN U UH KAY BUT TYLER HERO TURNT OUT TO BE A ZERO.

IF AUBURN WOULDA TOOK HERO AND AUBURN WOULDA GIVE US THAT TALL FELLER WITH THE ARNGE HAIR THEN THE CATS WOULD BE LAUGHIN ALL THE WAY TO THE CHAMPERCHIP.

U UH KAY SHOULDA SPENT TONIGHT WINNIN, CUTTIN DOWN THE NETS, MAKIN FUN OF U OF SMELL, BURNIN COUCHES, AND PLAYIN BANJO MUSIC ALL NIGHT LONG. BUT NOW WE GOT TO WATCH FRAUDS STEAL OUR TROPHY AND THEN WAIT TO SEE WHICH OF OUR UNDER-PERFARMIN PLAYERS IS GONNA RUN OFF TO THE NBA. BYE BYE, PJ WARSHININ. YOU WERE GREAT. THANK YOU, REID TRAVIS FOR GIVIN US YOUR 5TH YEAR BEST. BUT THE REST OF Yā€™ALL FRAIDY CATS AINā€™T READY FOR THE BIGTIME CUZ YOU DONā€™T LIVE AND DIE FOR THAT TROPHY THE WAY US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT FANS DO! WAKE UP, FRAIDY CATS!

COACH CAL, HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY ā€“ COACH CAL DONE GOT HISSELF A LIFETIME CONTRACT THAT WE ALREADY WANNA TEAR UP. THAT WHOLE FLIRTATIOUS WITH U.C.L.A. WAS A STUNT TO MAKE U UH KAY PAY HIM MORE MONEY. WHAT A JOKE. IF U UH KAY WAS SMART, THEY WOULDNā€™T PAY COACH CAL NO SALARY TIL THEY SEE HOW THE SEASON COMES OUT. PAY HIM MINIMAL WAGE DURING THE SEASON SO HE CAN BUY HIS DONUTS AND COFFEE HE SAYS HEā€™S HOOKED ON.

KEEP THEM MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN A TOTE SACK TIL THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS AND THEN PAY HIM HIS BIG MONEY. ā€œCOACH CAL FOR LIFEā€ IS A BAD PLAN. ITā€™S LIKE PAYIN YOUR COUSIN A SALARY FOR LAYIN ON THE COUCH AND EATIN YOUR GROCERIES WHEN YOU THUNK HE WAS GONNA PAINT YOUR HOUSE.

COACH CAL GOT TO PROVE HISSELF. HE BEEN HERE A DECADE WITH THE BEST RECRUITIN CLASS EVER YEAR AND ALL WE GOT IS ONE CHAMPERCHIPS. THESE TEXAS TECH AND VIRGINNY COACHES DONā€™T GIT PAID DIDDLY AND LOOK AT THEM TONIGHT. AND BRUCE PEARL IS A BARBEQUE BECKY RECRUITIN CHEATER BUT HE STILL MADE THE FINAL FOUR BY BEATIN COACH CAL. SO WHAT WE GONNA DO, CAT FANS?

WE GONNA LAY DOWN AND LET COACH CAL GIT LIFETIME MONEY FOR A ONE-HIT-WONDER CAREER? YOU GOT ONE YEAR, CAL. IF WE DONā€™T WIN IT ALL NEXT YEAR AND THE YEAR AFTER AND THE YEAR AFTER, PACK YOUR I-TALIAN SUITS AND RUN OFF. KINNY SKY WALKER IS READY TO STEP IN AND MAKE BIG BLUE NATION GREAT AGAIN. BUCEPT WEā€™LL DO IT WITH BLUE HATS. AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

terrymeiners
dad. husband. observer. media personality. pathological flyer.
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