One of the most downloaded 84WHAS Radio podcasts are my conversations with University of Kentucky fanatic The Beasman. These sketches air two times weekly, usually at 5:45 p.m. but occasionally earlier in the 4 p.m. hour.

RECENT BITS: Beasman just prior to the UofL vs Cincinnati football game
Beasman after UK beats Providence and Alabama football loses
Beasman after UofL loses to North Carolina

Here’s tomorrow’s radio script for The Beasman, scheduled to air at 5:45 p.m. so that you can read along. Terrestrial: 840 AM; streaming via whas.com or iheartradio.com

BEASMAN cats lose again
(sniff) AINT NO HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS IN WILDCAT COUNTRY, LARRY MINNER. FORGIT SANTY CLAUS. TAKE DOWN THE TREE. ALL THESE POOR CAT FAN KIDS IS CRYING ABOUT NO FARDY AND OH, NO THURDY NINE AND ONE, MAYBE NOT EVEN NO THURDY EIGHT AND TWO. I BEEN WALKIN AROUND IN A DADGUM DAZE SINCE FRIDAY NIGHT. BAYLOR. WE WAS CALLING THEM GAY-LER. HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN TO THE GOOD AND CLASSY BIG BLUE NATION? HOW COME WE GIT ALL THE BEST RECRUITS IN THE WORLD AND THESE OTHER TEAMS HAVE THE NERVE TO SCORE MORE POINTS? WE IS THE CATS! IT AINT POSED TO BE LIKE THIS. ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS POSED TO BE WALKIN AROUND GITTIN IN YOUR FACE TAWKIN ABOUT HOW WE IS DUNK DYNASTY AND COACH CAL IS A GOD AND U UH KAY IS THE ONLY SCHOOL IN THIS STATE AND “THEY DON’T WANNA BEAT US – THEY WANT TO BE US!” WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THAT? WE DON’T RECRUIT—WE JUST RELOAD. DADGUMMIT, AIN’T NOBODY POSED TO BEAT NO U UH KAY NEVER. SO I TURNT ON YOUR STOOPID RADIO SHOW TO LISTEN TO SEE IF YOU’RE SMIRKIN…BUT YOU AINT. I BEEN WAITIN FOR YOU TO KICK COACH CAL IN THE FACE BUT YOU AINT. WHY CAINT YOU U OF SMELLERS BE LOUDMOUTH HATERS LIKE US GOOD CLASSY WILDCAT FANS? COME ON, LARRY. JUST SAY WHAT YOU’S WANTIN TO SAY—THAT YOU IS LOVIN’ WATCHING COACH CAL FAIL. THAT YOU LIKE SEEING CAT FANS WALKIN AROUND LONGFACED. HOW COME YOU CAINT TAWK SMACK LIKE MATT JONES USED TO DO BEFORE U UH KAY DONE BECOME A FAILURE? COME ON…GIT IT OVER WITH. GO AHEAD AND MOCK ME, LARRY MINNER. MOCK MATT JONES FOR BEIN A GASBAG OBSESSIN ON U OF SMELL. I KNOW YOU WANT TO BECAUSE HE PUNKED ON YOU WHEN U OF SMELL LOST TO NARTH CARAMALINER. I’M SICK TO MY STOMACH CUZ MY CATS DONE LOSTED TO GAYLOR AND DROPPED IN THE PO; AND WE MIGHT LOSE SOME MORE. BUT I CAINT MAKE LARRY MINNER BITE ON MY BOBBER. COME ON—I WANT THAT BALD HEAD OF YOURS TO GIT ALL SWOLE UP THINKIN YOU’S GONNA BEAT THE CATS IN A COUPLE A WEEKS. I KNOW YOU IS ALL COCKY BECAUSE YOUR LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRDS THUMPED EM ANOTHER CUPCAKE BASKETBAW TEAM SAIRDEE, AND BACK ON THURSDEE THEY GOT LUCKY IN FOOTBAW AGAINST CINCINNAPLISS. AND NOW CHARLIE STRONG GOIN BOWLIN AGAIN WHILE U UH KAY STAYS HOME WITH COACH STOOPID. COME ON, LARRY, LEMME HAVE IT. IF THE SHOE WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT, ME AND MATT JONES WOULD BE IN YOUR FACE SCREAMIN “GOOOO BIG BLUE – YOU SUCK – YOU’RE GAY – Y’ALL IS LITTLE BROTHER – CATS IS AWESOME – BIG BLUE NATION.” WHEN YOU DON’T TAUNT US, WE GOT NOTHIN TO TAWK ABOUT BUCEPT THE WILDCAT HISTREE BOOKS. THAT’S WHAT US CAT FANS DO—TAWK ABOUT THE 1940S AND 50S, AND THEN COACH CAL WINNING IT TWO YEARS AGO, BUT NEVER TAWK ABOUT SLICK RICK OR TUBBY WINNING IT CUZ THEY SUCK. AND WE NEVER, EVER MENTION LOSIN IN THE FIRST ROUND OF THE N.I.T. TO BOBBY MO BECAUSE THAT WAS SOME KIND OF KARMA PAYBACK FOR HAVING THAT U OF SMELL GUY KENNY PAYNE ON OUR BENCH. I DON’T WANT CHRISTMAS TO GIT NO WORSER. I DINT THINK I’D EVER SAY THIS, BUT GO WESTERN KENTUCKY HILLTOPPERS. BEAT THEM LOSERVILLES TO SHUT EM UP. I TELL YOU WHAT, IF COACH CAL LOSES TO NARTH CARAMALINER AND THEN TO LOSERVILLE ON DECEMBER 28, HE BETTER JUST PACK HIS BAGS AND MOVE ON. WE’LL GO GIT US TRAVIS FARD TO COME BACK TO U UH KAY TO LEAD US BACK TO THE PROMISED LAND. THEN BIG BLUE NATION WILL SOUND LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT AND SING WE AINT NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER GONNA HIRE NO MORE SLICK TAWKIN I-TALIAN COACHES. WE IS STICKING TO KENTUCKY BOYS!