THE BEASMAN coach cal is crazy
LARRY, WE NEED A SHRINK OVER HERE AT U UH KAY TO GIVE COACH CAL A CHECKUP FROM THE NECK UP! DADGUMMIT, COACH CAL SAID HE WANTS SLICK RICK PITEENER TO COME BACK TO U UH KAY AND THAT CAT FANS WOULD BE NICE TO HIM. WHAT KIND OF CRAZY TAWK IS THAT? DID COACH CAL FALL AND HIT HIS HEAD? AND GUYS LIKE OSCAR COMBS AND JOHN CLAY FROM THE HARK THE HERALD LEADER AGREE WITH CAL. HAS THE WORLD GONE OFF ITS NUT?

Coach Cal thinks it's time to bring @RealPitino back to Lexington and recognize all he did for the program. Calipari thinks UK fans would treat him well. pic.twitter.com/ij0iQ42PMh

— Charlie Walter (@CharlieWalterTV) December 16, 2018

WE DON’T WANT NO SLICK RICK CARPETBAGGIN BUTEENER BACK IN RUMP ARENER UNLESS IT’S TO SHOOT HIM OUT OF A CANNON AND RIGHT INTO JAIL, DADGUMMIT! WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS A-GOIN ON AROUND HERE, PEOPLE TAWKIN NICE ABOUT THE TURNCOAT TRAITOR BENNER-DICK ARNOLD BUTEENER!

IS COACH CAL OFF HIS NOODLE? YOU USUALLY LOCK UP CRAZY TAWKERS IN A RUBBER ROOM BUT WE NEED COACH CAL TO KEEP THE CATS WINNIN STREAK GOIN. WE WHOOPED UTAH BY A HUNDERD FIDDY POINTS JUST LIKE I BUSPECTED, BUT NOW WE GOT THEM NARTH CARAMALINER TURD HEELS MEETIN US UP IN CHICAGO.

IF A PSYCHIATRISKET CAINT FIX COACH CAL, MAYBE I CAN HOOK HIM UP TO MY SEARS DIE HARD BATTERY AND WE CAN LECTRIC SHOCK HIM! OR WE CAN GIVE HIM A HANDFUL OF THEM NERVE PILLS LIKE MAMA TAKES TO CALM HERSELF WHEN HOLIDAY GUESTS IS COMIN OVER. TELL COACH CAL TO GOBBLE A FISTFUL OF PROZAC AND GIT BACK TO TAWKIN ABOUT BIG BLUE NATION, NOT NO CRIMINAL CARDINALS. US CAT FANS IS BACK IN LOVE WITH COACH CAL, LARRY.

LAST WEEK WE HATED HIM FOR NOT CALLIN A TIMEOUT AGAINST CEDAR HALL BUT CAL DONE GOOD AGAINST UTAH SO WE WANT THAT CAL. EAT THEM CRAZY PILLS AND START GAME PLANNIN FOR NARTH CARAMALINER, CAL. THEY JUST BEAT GON-ZAGGER SO WE CAINT PLAY AROUND WITH THEM TURD HEELS. NO MORE TAWK ABOUT SLICK RICK COMIN BACK TO RUPP UNLESS HE TAKES A MINIMAL WAGE JOB WARSHIN JOCKS AND MOPPIN UP VOMIT IN THE LOCKER ROOM. (laffs) YEAH!

US CAT FANS WOULD GIVE A STANDING O FOR SLICK CRAWLIN ON HIS KNEES AND BEGGIN FOR OUR FORGIVENESS FOR FLIPPIN THE BIRD AT US A FEW YEARS AGO. MEMBER THAT? COME ON, COACH CAL. DON’T TELL US SLICK RICK SAVED OUR PROGRUM BACK IN THE 90s.

IT WAS THE GHOST OF ADOLPH RUPP THAT COME DOWN AND TAUGHT RICHIE FARMER AND THEM UNFORGETTABLES HOW TO RISE UP TO MAKE KENTUCKY GREAT AGAIN! (laffs) TRUMP STOLE THAT FROM US, YOU KNOW! MAKE THE CATS GREAT AGAIN!

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – HE BETTER STOP WORRYIN ABOUT SLICK RICK AND START FIGGERIN OUT HOW TO GET THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS ANOTHER NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS. COACH CAL GITS ALL THESE GOOD RECRUITS BUT THEN THEY FADE BEFORE THE FINAL FOUR. BALDY CHRIS MACK DON’T WANT NO SLICK RICK COMIN BACK AND SO NEITHER SHOULD COACH CAL. GIT FOCUSED ON BEATIN THEM TURD HEELS AND THEN LET’S BEAT THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF BALDY CHRIS AND HIS BAD NEWS BEARS IN LOSERVILLE’S CHICKEN BUCKET OF SHAME.

GO BIG BLUE! GO CATS! IT AIN’T REALLY CHRISTMAS TIL WE BEAT THEM FILTHY CARDINAL CONVICTS ON THE 29TH SO DON’T KNOW CAT FANS OPEN PRESENTS UNTIL THEN. ONCE LOSERVILLE GOES DOWN, U UH KAY CHRISTMAS CHEER GOES UP! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! THREE YEARS FROM NOW WHEN THE 19&96 NATIONAL CHAMPION KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS HONORED, WE GONNA SCREAM REAL LOUD FOR THEM BUT IF SLICK RICK WALKS OUT WITH EM, IT’S GONNA TURN INTO A RIOT LIKE DOWNTOWN PARIS. BAN SLICK RICK! BAN SLICK RICK! BAN SLICK RICK! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!