THE BEASMAN uk beats Kansas
HEY LAREEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! I LOVE THAT PITCHER OF THE U UH KAY FAN GIRL SHOWIN Ls DOWN AT THE KANSAS GAME. (laffs) THE CURIO JOURNAL GUY PUT THAT PITCHER ON THE TWITTER AND ALL THE U OF SMELL LITTLE BROTHER CRYBABIES LOST THEIR MINDS CUZ A PURDY WILDCAT GIRL WAS A-MOCKIN U OF SMELL EVEN THOUGH WE WAS PLAYIN KANSAS! (laffs) DON’T Y’ALL CROOKED TEETH CARDINAL FANS NEVER STOP WORRYIN ABOUT THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS? (laffs) Y’ALL SAID SHE WAS OBSESSIN’ ABOUT LOSERVILLE BUT Y’ALL THE ONES GOT BUTTHURT. (laffs)

CRY, CRY, CRY! THAT’S ALL YOU LITTLE BROTHER, DUMPSTER FIRE, F.B.I. INVESTERGATION CONVICTS CAN DO CUZ YOU KNOW BIG BLUE NATION IS ROLLIN TOWARDS ANOTHER CHAMPERCHIPS! HOW BOUT THEM CATS! YOU SEEN THE LATEST PO? (laffs) JUST LIKE I DONE TODE YOU…THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS HEADIN BACK TO #1! (laffs) U OF SMELL IS WAY AT THE BACK OF THE BUS SO WE DON’T GOT TO LOOK AT THE BACK OF YOUR UGLY HEAD. (laffs)

THEM KANSAS SISSIES FOLDED LIKE A TENT. ONCE THEY COME INTO RUMP ARENER, THEY KNOWED THEY WAS DOOMED. BALD HEAD JAY BILAS DONE DID THE 94 FOOT COURT WALK WITH A KANSAS PLAYER JUST TO IRK US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS. JAY BILAS IS A DUKE SUCKUP SO LET HIM TRY TO COME LICK OUR BOOTS ONCE U UH KAY WINS IT ALL IN MARCH MADNESS. NAWWWW. TOO LATE TO JUMP ON THE CATS BANDWAGON, JAY BILAS! (laffs) GO HANG AROUND U OF SMELL AND LET US KNOW HOW THE N.I.T. IS DOIN. (laffs)

LARRY, THE CATS IS POINTED TOWARD ANOTHER NC2A CHAMPERCHIPS BANNER…BUT WE WON’T HAVE TO TAKE IT DOWN LIKE U OF SMELL! (laffs) LIFE IS JUST RIGHT FOR ALL US BIG BLUE NATION! BINNY SNELL IS GITTIN CALLS FROM THE PATRIOTS AND THE RAMS. THEY IS BOTH BEGGIN HIM TO SIGN UP WITH THEM RIGHT NOW SO THEY CAN DOMMERATE THE SUPER BO! BUT BINNY SAID NAWWWW. IT WOULDN’T BE FAIR TO THE TEAM THAT DON’T GIT HIM SO BINNY JUST GONNA SIT THIS HERE SUPER BO OUT AND LET ALL 32 NFL TEAMS FIGHT OVER WHO GITS TO PICK HIM IN THE DRAFT.

I SEEN YOUR BOY AARON RODGERS RUNNIN AROUND WITH THAT NASTY DANICO PATRICK. SHE’S ABOUT HALF A MAN TO START WITH SO I’M SURE AARON RODGERS CAN PICK UP SOME MACHO TIPS FROM HER. (laffs) HOW’S YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK DOIN OVER THERE IN PURGATORY? HE KEEPS JUMPIN ON THE TWITTER MACHINE TO TELL EVERBODY HOW GREAT HE IS RIDIN A BUS WITH A BUNCH OF OLD MEN BASKETBAW PLAYERS LOOKIN FOR BEN GAY AND 4 O’CLOCK DINNER AT DENNY’S.

LARRY, TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND TO JUST ADMIT THAT HE’S WARSHED UP AND COME HOME WHERE YOU CAN RUB HIS FEET UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. Y’ALL LOVEBIRDS CAN SET THERE AND WATCH THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS GO ROLLIN THROUGH THE REST OF THE REGULAR SEASON LIKE A TAR-NADE-UH GOIN THROUGH A TRAILER PARK.

SLICK RICK KNOWS ALL ABOUT TRAILER PARKS…THAT’S WHERE HE USED TO PAY EXTORTION MONEY TO KAREN SYPHILLIS. (laffs) HEY LARRY, GIT OFF MY PHONE. I WANNA TALK TO COACH CAL ABOUT PLAYIN THEM TWO GAMES AGAINST TENNERSEE BACK-TO-BACK. SERIOUS BIDNIZ. WHY DON’T WE JUST WHOOP ‘EM ONCE AND THEN CALL ‘EM SISSIES IF THEY WON’T JUST RUN IT BACK?

THE BEST PART PLAYIN TENNERSEE IS THEY IS ILLITERATE SO THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO READ THE SCOREBOARD. JUST TELL ‘EM THEY’S BEAT AND THEY GOTTA BLEEVE YA! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! MATT JONES FOR GOVERNOR! MATT JONES FOR GOVERNOR! MATT JONES FOR GOVERNOR! AND RYAN LEMON FOR HIS BUTTKISSIN LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR! RYAN IS A SUCKUP LIKE YOU LARRY CEPT HE DON’T GOTTA CARRY SPRAYPAINT CUZ MATT JONES AIN’T GOT NO BALD SPOT LIKE SLICK RICK! (laffs) GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE!