THE BEASMAN cats losing streak
I HATE YOU AND EVERTHANG YOU STAND FOR, YOU CROSS EYED, SNAGGLE TOOTH, LYIN, TRAITOR TURNCOAT, USED TO BE A WILDCAT BUT NOW YOU IS A PHONEY BLONEY, SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN CARDINAL FRAUD. (cry) COACH CAL SAYS AINT NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT, BUT DADGUMMIT, THE YACHT IS SINKIN! DOES THE WATER GOTTA GIT TO MY NECK BEFORE I START CRYIN? (cry) I CAINT BLEEVE MY PRECIOUS KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE LOSTED THREE IN A ROW AND EIGHT GAMES ALL SEASON. DADGUMMIT, COACH CAL IS THE NEW TEN LOSS TUBBY.

(cry) MAYBE COACH CAL IS CRAZY WITH THE FLU AND AIN’T IN HIS RIGHT MIND. HE SAYS THE WILDCATS LET GO OF THE ROPE. WELL SAVE THAT ROPE CUZ WE MIGHT HANG COACH CAL WITH IT. (cry) MEANTIME THEM ROTTEN U OF SMELLERS DONE BEAT SOMEBODY BY FARDY POINTS YESTERDEE WHILE ALL US CAT FANS WAS LAYIN IN BED ALL DAY CRYIN AFTER TEXAS A&P THUMPED U UH KAY.

(cry) EVEN OUR PASTOR CANCELLED CHURCH CUZ HE SAID GOD HATES U UH KAY. LIFE WAS SO GOOD A MONTH AGO WHEN ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WAS TAUNTIN U OF SMELLERS ABOUT THEM GITTIN THE DEATH PENALTY AND HOW U UH KAY WAS GONNA WIN IT ALL. NOW THE FBI DONE BOTCHED THE SHOE INVESTERGATION AND U UH KAY CAN’T WHOOP A TEAM OF MIDGETS.

WATCH: The ? highlights from today's big 34-point road win in Pittsburgh ⬇️ #GoCards pic.twitter.com/B5L2lSr80Y

— Louisville Basketball (@LouisvilleMBB) February 12, 2018

(cry) WHAT HAPPENED, GOD? WHAT DID U UH KAY DO TO DEE-SERVE THIS KIND OF SMITIN’? COACH CAL SAYS HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY BUT MAYBE HE’S JUST GOIN BEHIND THE CHURCH TO DRINK COMMUNION WINE AND MAKE CRAZY DEE-CISIONS ABOUT WHO SHOULD START FOR THE CATS. SOBER UP, COACH CAL. WE NEED YOU TO GIT THIS BIG BLUE NATION PROUD AGAIN SO WE CAN TAUNT OTHER PEOPLE. RIGHT NOW IF WE HOLD UP THE 3 GOGGLES SIGN PEOPLE THINK WE IS MOURNIN OUR LOSIN STREAK. GIT BACK ON THE BANDWAGON, GOD. US CAT FANS IS GOOD AND CLASSY, PLUS PURDY RELIGIOUS, TOO, SO HELP COACH CAL FIGGER OUT HOW TO COACH!

Getting out of a skid starts one step at a time, one day at a time.

"All I want them to worry about is today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, next week, the following week, the conference tournament. Just worry about today." – @UKCoachCalipari

? https://t.co/ijuZUWzja3 pic.twitter.com/eDYGLK3ch8

— Kentucky Basketball (@KentuckyMBB) February 9, 2018

COACH CAL SAID HE WAS PUTTIN IN A TWEAK. WELL WHERE IS IT? WHAT’S YOUR NEXT BIG IDEA…TO START THE CHEERLEADERS? PUT DOWN THAT COUGH SYRUP AND YOUR BRAIN BOX WORKIN RIGHT, COACH CAL, OR WE GONNA FIRE YOU AND GIVE THE JOB TO KINNY SKY WALKER! THESE AIN’T YOUR GRAMPA’S KENTUCKY WILDCATS. YOUR GRAMPA’S KENTUCKY WILDCATS NEVER LOSTED 3 DADGUM GAMES IN A ROW!

(cry) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS NEED TO GIT CHEERED UP, AND IT ALL STARTS TONIGHT. THE U OF SMELL GIRLS IS UP THERE TO GET WHACKED BY THEM CONNECTICUT THUG HUSLY LADIES. AND THEN THE U OF SMELL MEN GONNA GIT BEAT DOWN BY NARTH CARAMALINER, THEN DUKE, THEN VIRGINNY IS GONNA KNOCK THEIR JOCKS OFF ONE MORE TIME…SO THAT’S ALL GOOD (laffs) SO US CAT FANS CAN HAVE SOME HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY COMIN UP. AND THEN THAT NC2A IS STILL GONNA BRING SOME KINDA BEATDOWN ON THEM NASTY CARDINAL BIRDS FOR HAVIN THEM PROSTERTUTES GIVIN HERPES TO TEENAGE RECRUITS.

(laffs) SO LET THEM GOOD TIMES ROLL! BUT MEANTIME, WE GOTTA GIT OUR KENTUCKY WILDCATS PLAYIN GOODER SO MARCH MADNESS DON’T MEAN NO N.I.T. AND LOSIN TO ROBERT MORRIS WHILE THE CRIMINAL CARDINALS GIT TO GO TO THE BIG SHOW. IF COACH CAL CAINT GIT THIS THING TURNT AROUND WHEN WE PLAY AUBURN, THEN CUT HIM LOOSE.

KINNY SKY WALKER, GOOSE GIBBONS, AND REX CHAMPMAN CAN TAKE OVER AND GIT THESE DUMB FRESHMAN PLAYIN LIKE THEY BEEN ON A TEAM BEFORE. COME ON, DADGUMMIT! Y’ALL CATS IS BIMBARRASSIN THIS HERE LEGENDARY KENTUCKY NAME. SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT! WE CAN ALWAYS BUY DIFFERNT MACDONALD BURGER BOYS TO BE CATS! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! TRY TO SCORE MORE POINTS THAN THE OTHER TEAM, YOU RUM DUMMIES! AND LET’S ALL GIT TOGETHER TONIGHT TO CHEER ON THEM CONNECTICUT HUSKY GIRLS. HUSKY GIRLS! HUSKY GIRLS! HUSKY GIRLS! EVERBODY LOVES EM A HUSKY GIRL!