THE BEASMAN cats and petrino lose again
WELL LARRY, MAYBE YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING TO GO TRAITOR TURNCOAT AND RENOUNCE YOUR U UH KAY LOYALTY TO BE A U OF SMELL THUG FAN. IT’S A BITTERSWEET TIME TO BE A CAT FAN, I TELL YOU WHAT. NORM-ULLY I’D BE DANCIN A JIG CUZ THE U OF SMELL FOOTBAW SCUMBAG COACH BOBBY NECK BRACE GOT FIRED BUT THEN AS SOON AS I START GRINNIN I THINK ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS PLAYIN LIKE POOPS AND I GIT SAD AGAIN. (crying)

WE DON’T WANT BAMA NOW! U UH KAY IS RANKED #20 AND FALLIN. AIN’T NO NEW YEAR’S BIG SIX BO GAME. BINNY SNELL AIN’T GITTIN NO HEISHMAN TROPHY. AND TERRY TOUCHDOWN IS NOW TERRY LETDOWN. (crying) IT’S A BAD TIME FOR ME, LARRY, CUZ COACH CAL’S CATS SUCK, TOO. WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS A-GOIN ON RIGHT NOW? THE OTHER NIGHT COACH CAL WAS STRUGGLIN TO BEAT THE NOBODY SUCKY SALUKIS. DADGUMMIT, WE IS KENTUCKY. (crying)

WHY IS WE HAVIN TO EVEN BREAK A SWEAT AGAINST SOME SCHOOL FOR MIDGETS WHO AIN’T GOT NO BIDNIZ EVEN THINKIN THEY CAN HANG WITH U UH KAY? BUT THEY RAN WITH US LIKE WE IS SOME DIE-RECTIONAL SCHOOL INSTEAD OF THE LEGENDARY KENTUCKY WILDCATS. HAS THE WORLD GONE CRAZY, LARRY? IF COACH CAL DON’T GIT THESE HERE WILDCATS PLAYIN LIKE MEN THEN HE CAN CLIMB ON THE BACK OF BOBBY PETRINKO’S MOTOR-SICKLE AND RIDE AWAY WITH HIM.

US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS AIN’T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN RIGHT NOW CUZ WE WAS EXPECTER-CATIN’ TO WIN THE FOOTBAW NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS. WE LOSTED TO JARJUH SO THEN WE WAS GONNA SHOW THE WORLD BY BEATIN THE VOLS. BUT THEM TENNERSEE HILLBILLIES DONE PUT A SMACKDOWN ON THE CATS AND POPPED OUR BALLOON AGAIN! (crying) DADGUMMIT, WE AIN’T BEAT THEM PRISON UNI-FARM WEARING TENNERSEE FRAUDS SINCE FRAN CURCI WAS GITTIN JIGGY WITH THE U UH KAY CHEERLEADERS IN THE 1940s. (crying)

WE SUCK IN FOOTBAW AND WE SUCK IN BASKETBAW AND U OF SMELL IS SO TURRIBLE THERE AIN’T NO BU-CITEMENT BEATIN THEM CUZ EVERBODY DOES. THANKSGIVING GONNA BE HARRIBLE THIS YEAR CUZ THERE AIN’T NOTHIN TO THANK GOD FOR. THANKS A LOT, GOD! THE BLUE WAVE DINT COME. THEM DUKIES CRUSHED COACH CAL. AND STOOPS WET HIS PANTS ON THE BIG GAMES. I WANT TO LAUGH AT U OF SMELL BUT US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS IS KINDA SKEERED THAT THEIR NEW COACHES IS GONNA TURN IT AROUND.

Hey there @JeffBrohm 😏 pic.twitter.com/Q2mqOfhw4p

— Donovan Mitchell (@spidadmitchell) November 11, 2018

THAT VINCE TYRUS DONE PRESSURE WARSHED AWAY ALL THE SCUMBAG, STRIPPER POLE HEROES LIKE PETRINKO, PAPA JOHN, SLICK RICK, AND TOMMY TURNTLENECK. THE U OF SMELL MOUNT RUSHMORE OF TRAGEDY DONE BEEN DEMOLISHED. WHAT IF THESE NEW U OF SMELL COACHES START WHOOPIN U UH KAY? I DON’T KNOW IF US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAN HANDLE IT. MATT JONES GOT DRUNK IN HIS BIG BLUE BOO HOO BAR FRIDEE NIGHT AFTER COACH CAL’S WEAK PERFORMANCE AND COACH CAL IS OVER IN A SIDE BOOTH. I HOPE MATT AND CAL DON’T GO ALL PORCINI’S WITH EACH OTHER.

AND NOW WE SEE THE NEW U OF SMELL FOOTBAW COACH IS A JESUS MAN, TAWKIN ABOUT THE LARD ALL THE TIME ON TWITTER. DADGUMMIT. I TODE YOU COACH CAL BEEN GOIN TO MASS EVER DAY TO PRAY TO THE FAKE CATHLICK GOD WHO ALLOWS BEER DRINKIN, BINGO PLAYIN, AND DANCIN. IF THIS U OF SMELL COACH IS PRAYIN TO THE REAL BABDIZ GOD THEN US CAT FANS IS IN BIG TROUBLE!

COME ON, MITCH BARNFART. DO SOMETHIN! TELL STOOPS AND COACH CAL TO PICK IT UP OR LET’S THROW EM ON THE TRASH HEAP AND HIRE NICK SABAN AND MIKE SHIT-SHETSKI. THEY’LL DO IT – DOWN DEEP EVERBODY WANTS TO BE A KENTUCKY WILDCAT! AWWWWWW SHAPE UP, SHIP OUT! SHAPE UP, SHIP OUT! WE IS THE ROMAN EMPIRE OF COLLEGE SPARTS AND RIGHT NOW THE ROMAN EMPIRE IS ON FIRE! DO SOMETHIN, DADGUMMIT! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WE DON’T WANT BAMA! WE DON’T WANT BAMA!