THE BEASMAN Louisville football hammered

HEY LARRRRRRREEEEEEEE! LARRY MINNERRRRR! YOUR CARDINAL TEARS IS DELICIOUS! THE BOOGER WAS RIGHT! NO PLAYOFFS FOR YOUR CARDINAL FRAUDS! CANCEL THE HEISMAN TROPHY! HOUSTON DONE EXPOSED LAY-MAR JACKSON AND HIS LITTLE HOPELESS CARDINAL BIRDS AS OVERRATED FRAUDS. OVERRATED! OVERRATED!

LAY-MAR AINT GITTIN NO HEISMAN TROPHY…IT’S GOIN TO BOOM WILLIAMS. LAY-MAR GOT SACKED MORE THAN A KARDASHIAN ON A NBA TEAM BUS. AND YOUR OTHER GUYS WAS FUMBLIN ALL OVER THE PLACE. BUT I GOTTA TELL YA…Y’ALL GOT A GREAT PUNTER! (laff) HE WAS OUT THERE KICKIN LIKE A RADIO CITY ROCKETTE. KICK IT AGAIN, PUNTER MAN. IT’S THE ONLY YARDAGE U OF SMELL CAN MUSTER UP. “HELLO, PRICELINE? CANCEL MY RESERVATION FOR THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS! THE VILLE DONE CAUGHT A STD IN COUGARTOWN!”

OH LARRY, THIS HERE U OF SMELL FOOTBALL COLLAPSE PROVES TRUMP KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOIN CUZ SUDDENLY AMERICA GOT GREAT AGAIN! OH, AND CONGRATULATIONS TO THEM CONSTRUCTION CREWS FOR GITTIN Y’ALLS BRIDGES OPEN JUST IN TIME FOR U OF SMELL FANS TO JUMP OFF! (laff)

I LOVE IT! DADGUM CARDINAL BIRDS WAS STRUTTIN AROUND LIKE THEY THUNK THEY WAS THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS WITH TOM BRADY BUT Y’ALL PLAYED LIKE MARSHA! MARSHA! MARSHA BRADY! I WAS UP HALF THE NIGHT WATCHIN THE REPLAYS AND LAUGHIN MY KEISTER OFF.

THANKSGIVIN DONE COME A WEEK EARLY FOR ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS. I WAS ON THE TWITTER MACHINE ALL NIGHT TELLIN CARDINAL CRYBABIES THAT THEY IS WEAK SAUCE NOBODIES. LOOK HOW YOUR PRECIOUS CARDINALS GOT PISTOL WHIPPED BY A LITTLE NOBODY AMERICAN CONFRENCE DOORMAT. THAT’S WHY Y’ALL COULDN’T NEVER HANG IN THE BIGTIME S.E.C. LIKE U UH KAY DOES. MARK IT DOWN, LARRY. U UH KAY IS GONNA BEAT Y’ALL WORSE THAN HOUSTON JUST DONE TO YOU.

STOOPS TROOPS GONNA MARCH INTO THAT NASTY PIZZA OVEN RAILROAD JUNKYARD STADIUM OF Y’ALLS LIKE TRUMP SMASHIN HILLARY. $10 SAYS BOBBY PETRINKO JUMPS ON HIS LITTLE MOTORCYCLE AND RUNS OFF TO SOME OTHER JOB NOW THAT HE DONE MUCKED UP U OF SMELL’S SEASON OF GLORY…BUT IT’S TURNT INTO THE SEASON OF FOOL’S GOLD. Y’ALL SUCK, LARRY. YOU DID BACK IN THE SCHNELLYBURGER DAYS. YOU SUCKED DURING JOHN L SMIFF. AND YOU SUCK THE BIGGEST SUCK WITH THIS FOULMOUTH HAS BEEN BOBBY PETRINKO.

IT’S KARMA, LARRY. U OF SMELL HIRES ALL THESE UNFAITHFUL HUSBANDS WHILE U UH KAY HIRES UPSTANDING GENTLEMEN LIKE STOOPS AND COACH CAL (WHO GOES TO MASS EVER DAY). SEE, LARRY…Y’ALL IS SINNERS AND THE WILDCATS IS WINNERS! SIMPLE AS THAT. YOU KNOW STOOPS TROOPS IS ON THE UPTICK AS U OF SMELL MELTS.

AND COACH CAL GONNA THUMP SLICK RICK LIKE HE DOES EVER YEAR. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, CAT FANS!

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY SURPRISE SANNY CLAUS COULDA COME UP WITH. NO HEISMAN! NO PLAYOFFS! NO SADNESS FROM BIG BLUE! AND AFTER COACH CAL PUTS ANOTHER BEATDOWN ON YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK THEN WE CAN START UP THE YEARLY CARDS CHEER N-I-T! N-I-T! N-I-T! THAT’S GOTTA MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, LARRY. ..BEING THE BEST OF THE LITTLE BROTHERS.

HEY LARRY, Y’ALL OUGHTA CALL YOURSELFS THE LOSERVILLE PRINCE DAVID BOWIE MERLE HAGGARDS CUZ Y’ALL DONE DIED THIS YEAR! (laffs) I LOVVVVVVVE IT! AND U UH KAY GONNA KILL YOU TWO MORE TIMES IN THE VILLE! CATS! CATS! CATS! GO BIG BLUE! WOOOOOOOOO! CARDS LOSE AGAIN! WE IS DANCIN A JIG ALL ACROSS WILDCAT COUNTRY! CATS! CATS! CATS!