Surely you have heard that the University of Louisville basketball program is mired in an alleged sex scandal. A prostitute claims that she was paid by team staff member Andre McGee to provide female escorts for players, recruits, and sometimes the fathers of recruits.

If true, and if the prostitute’s claims that her own underage daughters were sometimes involved, massive federal charges related to sex trafficking on a public university campus would send the sports world into a Penn State Sandusky fervor and forever stain the careers of many prominent University of Louisville leaders.

Early speculation is that head coach Rick Pitino will keep his job. (I’ve known Pitino for 25 years and my best guess is that he would murder any member of his staff who would jeopardize the team’s work and integrity).

Other pundits think this could signal the end for Pitino’s Hall of Fame career.

Until more evidence comes forward, let’s examine tangible evidence in hand. Alleged professional pimp (of her own underage daughters) Katina Powell’s unlawful transactions are published in ‪#‎BreakingCardinalRules‬. Is the publisher of this profit seeking book complicit in exploitation of underage sex workers regardless of whether those claims are verified? How long until the IRS investigates Katina Powell for failure to pay taxes on alleged cash transactions? Will the LMPD & UofL police chiefs investigate if the “cops” entries are legitimate? Who gave Andre McGee thousands of dollars in discretionary income to allegedly solicit prostitutes? What college or high school star athlete needs assistance finding female companions? What high school kid doesn’t use social media to brag about aberrant behavior at UofL or any other place? That’s how all of those cradle-robbing teachers are discovered. There have been zero social media references by recruits or student athletes related to misdeeds at Minardi Hall. And look at the ledger posted above. How many people keep sporadic logged entries over 4 years yet they’re uniformly lined with the exact same handwriting size as though they were all written at once with the same writing implement? Just asking.

Meanwhile, the taunts continue. All Louisville fans can do is wait out the multiple investigations underway.

With that, here are the radio scripts for aggressive UK zealot The Beasman, who lives to taunt “U of Smell” and promote all things “U uh Kay.”

#1 BEASMAN scandal

HEY LARRY, NOW WE FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY U OF SMELL JERSEYS IS RED. SO THEY MATCH THE COLOR OF THE BASKETBAW DARM FRONT PORCH LIGHT. THIS STORY IS SO BIG THAT THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS CHANGED IT’S NAME TO CARDINAL TOWN. HEY LARRY, DID YOU NEED AN ESCORT TO GIT TO WORK?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HEY LARRY, WHAT DOES A U OF SMELL RECRUIT ORDER IN A FRENCH RESTAURANT? ESCORT-TO-GO! (laffs) GIT IT? SNAILS! ESCORT-TO-GO! COME ON, LARRY, QUIT ACTING LIKE THESE AINT FUNNY JOKES. I BEEN SETTIN HERE PACIN BACK AND FORTH WAITIN FOR YOUR STUPID SNAGGLE TOOTH WEASEL VOICE TO COME ON THE LECTRIC RADIO SO I CAN MOCK YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK AND SHOUT “IT’S OVER!” IT’S ALL CRUMBLIN DOWN ON U OF SMELL AND US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS IS LOVIN EVER MINUTE OF IT!

SLICK RICK HAS GOT TO RE-SIGN, LARRY MINNER. HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! LARRY, AIN’T NO WAY YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND IS GONNA SLICK TAWK HIS WAY OUT OF THIS ONE. THE NC2A IS SENDING SO MANY INVERSTERGATERS IT LOOKS LIKE THE REFUGEES SWARMIN EUROPE. AND HOW DO YOU LIKE THE LADY WHO WROTE THE BOOK? SHE SELLS HER OWN DAUGHTERS LIKE TWO DOLLAR SAMMICHES. AND OF CARSE THEY IS ALL U OF SMELL FANS. HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs!

U OF SMELL IS SO STUPID THAT THEY DON’T KNOW THAT STAR ATH-A-LETES CAN GIT ALL THE GIRLS THEY WANT. THEY DON’T GOT TO HAVE SOME GRAD ASS-SIS-TENT IDIOT TO GO FETCH EM SOME GIRLS. WHAT TIME IS SLICK RICK ANNOUNCING HIS RETIREMENT? YOU KNOW COACH CAL GOES TO MASS EVER DAY BECAUSE HE’S A HOLY MAN. HE DON’T COMMIT NO SEX SINS LIKE ALL THE LOSERVILLE COACHES AND PLAYERS AND RECRUITS. COACH CAL JUST GOES TO MASS, HAS LUNCH WITH THE POPE, THEN COMES BACK TO LEXINUN TO GO FARDY & OH WHILE LOSERVILLE GOES HOs BEFORE PROs!

LARRY, I TAPED MATT JONES SHOW BECAUSE HE LOVES TEARIN INTO SLICK RICK AND THE MEDIA SUCKUPS LIKE YOU WHO DON’T GOT THE GUTS TO CALL FOR HIS RESSER-NATION. MATT JONES ASTS HARD QUESTIONS TO COACH CAL BUT HE DON’T SIN SO THERE AIN’T NOTHIN TO GIT HIM ON. HOW COME YOU DON’T GIT SLICK RICK ON THE RADIO TODAY AND AST HIM HOW ANDRE MCGEE COME UP WITH ALL THAT MONEY? LOSERVILLE HAVIN PROSTITUTES AIN’T NO BIG NEWS BECAUSE ALL LOSERVILLE WOMEN GOT TO PROSTITUTE THEIRSELFS TO ACT LIKE THEY CAN CHEER FOR THEM DIRTY BIRDS.

BUT IT’S THE MONEY QUESTION THAT THE NC2A GONNA BE SNOOPIN AROUND TO FIND OUT. WHO PAID THE MONEY TO THE MAMA PIMP AND HER TRASHY DAUGHTERS? IT’S OVER FOR SLICK RICK AND TOMMY TURTLENECK. LACK OF INSTITUTIONAL CONTROL. DEATH PENALTY! DEATH PENALTY! DEATH PENALTY! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! AND GIT RID OF YOUR SINFUL FOOTBAW COACH, TOO. Y’ALL HAVE BECOME THE UNIVERSITY OF SEX SCANDALS. YOU IS A LAUGHINGSTOCK IN COLLEGE SPARTS. AS SOON AS INVESTIGATORS FIGGER OUT WHICH CRIMINAL GIVE ANDRE MCGEE THE MONEY, THE NC2A WILL FINALLY CHOP OFF THE HEAD OF THE EVIL LOSERVILLE SNAKE ONCE AND FOR ALL.

U OF SMELL ATH-A-LETICS IS GOIN OUT OF BIDNIZ SO THE SCHOOL CAN GO BACK TO GIVIN OUT PHONEY DIPLOMAS AND SNIFFIN OUT EMBEZZLIN’ PROFESSORS. THEY DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT HOW MANY MINORITIES THEY GOT ON THE SCHOOL BOARD. ALL YOUR SINFUL COACHES AND PLAYERS IS SEX ADDICTS, AND THAT MAKES THEM A MINORITY WHEN SEPARATED FROM GOOD AND CLASSY COACHES LIKE U UH KAY GOT. PACK YOUR BAGS, SLICK RICK.

MAYBE Y’ALL NEED TO FIRE ALL YOUR COACHES AND HIRE THE KARDASHIANS’ MAMA TO REPLACE JURICH. AT LEAST SHE KNOWS HOW TO MANAGE WHORES FOR PROFIT. HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! NOW THE NC2A GONNA ESCORT Y’ALL TO THE DEATH PENALTY! YOU CAINT GIT OUTTA THAT BY SLIDING DOWN A STRIPPER POLE! STICK A FARK IN THE DIRTY BIRDS! IT’S OVER! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs!

#2 BEASMAN scandal

OH LARRY, WHAT A FUN WEEKEND. DID YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK GO ON THE SLUT WALK OUT IN CALFORNIA? SOUNDS LIKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS WOULD BE THERE AT A THING CALLED THE SLUT WALK. COME ON, LARRY, CAINT TAKE A JOKE?

MATT JONES SAID HE LOOKED IN YOUR RADIO STUDIO ON FRIDEE AFTERNOON WHEN SLICK RICK WAS FIBBIN TO THE MEDIA AND MATT SAID YOU JUST LAID YOUR HEAD DOWN AND CRIED BECAUSE YOUR TRAITOR TURNCOAT DREAMS WAS ALL OVER. YOU AND SLICK RICK STABBED U UH KAY IN THE BACK AND NOW LOOK AT Y’ALL…FAILED AND MISERABLE CARDINAL HAS BEENS WHILE U UH KAY IS DOMMERATING THE WORLD. IT WAS GREAT THAT U UH KAY BEAT EASTERN IN OVERTIME AND COACH CAL GOT US ANOTHER 5-STAR MACDONALD ALL-AMERICAN, BUT THAT’S JUST EVERDAY BIG BLUE GREATNESS.

THE FUNNEST PART OF THE WEEKEND WAS LAFFIN AT ALL YOU SAGGY PANTS, SNAGGLE TOOTH, NECK TATTOO, IDIOT U OF SMELL FANS WHO FINALLY GOT TO ADMIT THAT YOUR PROGRUM AINT NOTHIN BUT A BIG WHORE HOUSE. WHO KNEW THAT EVER LOSERVILLE LETTER OF INTENT IS WROTE ON A PAIR OF GIRL’S UNDERWEAR? LOSERVILLE AIN’T GOT NO MORALS BECAUSE THEIR COACHES AIN’T GOT NO MORALS SO THEIR PLAYERS DON’T KNOW NO BETTER BUT TO IMMERTATE THEIR LEADERS. COACH CAL GOES TO MASS EVER DAY AND LIVES A RIGHTEOUS LIFE OF PRAYER AND SUCCESS.

THE ONLY OTHER WOMAN COACH CAL HAS EVER BEEN SEEN WITH IS KIM DAVIS. BOTH OF ‘EM GOT TO GO UP AND SHOOT THE BREEZE WITH THE POPE BUT YOU NOTICE SLICK RICK OR BOBBY PETRINKO DINT GIT INVITED TO COME UP FOR POPE SEEIN’. THAT’S BECAUSE EVEN THE POPE’S MIRACLES CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH. SLICK RICK AND BOBBY IS HOPELESS CAUSES.

I LIKE HOW SLICK RICK SAYS HE DON’T KNOW NOTHIN ABOUT NO ANDRE MCGEE GITTIN NO PROSTITUTES WHEN SLICK RICK KNOWS EM ALL BY NAME. SLICK RICK CALLS OUT THEIR NAMES LIKE SANTA’S REINDEER. ON BUBBLES, ON TRIXIE, ON GINGER, ON PIXIE! TO THE TOP OF POLE, TO THE TOP OF THE BAR! YOU KNOW WHY SLICK RICK DON’T HOST KIDS FOR SUMMER DRILLS NO MORE? BECAUSE HE’S TOO BUSY RUNNING A TRAMP STAMP CAMP. I LOVE IT.

LARRY, WHY DON’T Y’ALL JUST GO AHEAD AND SHUT DOWN THE U OF SMELL ATH-A-LETICS PROGRUM AND TURN THE YUM YUM CENTER INTO A HOME FOR WAYWARD GIRLS? HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! I GOT A MILLION OF EM, LITTLE BUDDY. WE SHOULD HAVE NOTICED SOMETHIN WAS UP WHEN ALL THE U OF SMELL COACHES STARTED DRIVIN FORD ESCORTS. THERE’S SOME GOOD NEWS FOR Y’ALL CUZ YOU PICKED UP TWO NEW SPONSORS: A CONDOM COMPANY AND THAT DRUGSTORE PREGNANCY TEST.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>AND HERE’S ANOTHER POSITIVE NOTE: THE MOTHER WHO SELLS HER THREE DAUGHTERS FOR PROSITUTION HAS BEEN NAMED U OF SMELL’S ENTREPRENEUR OF THE YEAR. BUY SEASON TICKETS AT THE GARDEN STORE AND THEY’LL THROW IN A FREE HO. AND FYI LARRY, WHEN Y’ALL GIT STRIPPED OF YOUR TITLE, THAT WON’T BE PERFORMED BY A NAKED STRIPPER.

AND I SEEN YOUR PITCHER ON THE TWITTER MACHINE WHERE YOU IS HOLDIN UP THE U OF SMELL NATIONAL CHAMPIONCHIPS TROPHY Y’ALL GONNA HAVE TO GIVE BACK. SO I SUGGEST YOU REPLACE IT WITH A PITCHER OF YOU HOLDIN UP A PROSTITUTE INSTEAD! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! COME ON, NC2A. SHUT ‘EM DOWN! STOP LOSERVILLE BEFORE THEY BRING PROSTITUTION AND DEBAUCHERY TO THE REST OF MORAL AMERICA. WE NEED TO GIT DONALD TRUMP TO BUILD A BIG WALL AROUND LOSERVILLE SO THEM IMMORAL COACHES AND THEIR PROSTITUTE FRIENDS CAINT EXCAPE TO SIN IN OTHER GOOD CLASSY COLLEGE TOWNS LIKE LEXINUN.

IT AIN’T LIKE U OF SMELL FANS SHOULD BE SURPRISED. THEY BEEN GETTING SCREWED FOR YEARS BY OVERPRICED TICKETS FOR N.I.T. LEVEL TALENT. PARENTS OF COLLEGE KIDS WORRY ABOUT LOSING THEIR SHIRTS BUT U OF SMELL RECRUITS GOTTA WORRY ABOUT LOSIN THEIR PANTS. HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! LET’S SEE Y’ALL BUXPLAIN HOW ANDRE MCGEE GOT $10,000 CASH TO PAY THEM SEX WORKERS. IT’S U OF SMELL’S YEAR OF THE FAN, BUT IT ALSO MUST BE YEAR OF THE TRICK. HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs! HOs BEFORE PROs!