THE BEASMAN cats crush cards TOUCHDOWWWWWWNNNNNN KENTUCKY! (laffs) THE CATS IS STILL OUT THERE SCORIN, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, CROOKED TEETH, CROWN ROYAL FOR BREAKFAST, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, GUTLESS LOSERVILLE THUGS! TOUCHDOWWWWNNNN KENTUCKY! AND THEY IS GOIN FOR TWO AFTER EVER TOUCHDOWN CUZ LOSERVILLE CAINT STOP A TODDLER FROM GETTING TO THE END ZONE! (laffs) I HOPE YOU U OF SMELLERS FINALLY ACCEPT YOUR FATE AS LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES. Y’ALL COULDN’T BEAT A DIVISION 3 TEAM OF CROSS-EYED COMPUTER NERDS. (laffs) I HEARD JEFF BROHM JUST KISSED HIS PURDUE BOSS ON THE MOUTH AND SAID “PLEASE LET ME STAY. I CAINT DO NOTHIN TO FIX THAT LOSERVILLE DUMPSTER FIRE!” SO THEN PURDUE CUT JEFF
Tag: mark stoops
Cats caught in storm of poor performance, difficult for Beasman to mock U of Smell
THE BEASMAN cats and petrino lose again WELL LARRY, MAYBE YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING TO GO TRAITOR TURNCOAT AND RENOUNCE YOUR U UH KAY LOYALTY TO BE A U OF SMELL THUG FAN. IT’S A BITTERSWEET TIME TO BE A CAT FAN, I TELL YOU WHAT. NORM-ULLY I’D BE DANCIN A JIG CUZ THE U OF SMELL FOOTBAW SCUMBAG COACH BOBBY NECK BRACE GOT FIRED BUT THEN AS SOON AS I START GRINNIN I THINK ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS PLAYIN LIKE POOPS AND I GIT SAD AGAIN. (crying) WE DON’T WANT BAMA NOW! U UH KAY IS RANKED #20 AND FALLIN. AIN’T NO NEW YEAR’S BIG SIX BO GAME. BINNY SNELL AIN’T GITTIN NO HEISHMAN TROPHY. AND TERRY
Blue Wave Off – UK wins SEC thriller on the road, AP Top 25 yawns
All of the #TopPlays in Saturday's big win are here ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️#GetUp 😺 pic.twitter.com/vkLmZD87Kh— Kentucky Football (@UKFootball) October 28, 2018 What in the Sam Hill is a-going on around here? UK football is 7-1 and crushing fools like a runaway cable spool rolling through a campsite. New TOP 25 POLL 🏈 @UKFootball wins @SEC road thriller, moves up one spot to #11 🔥 Meanwhile @OhioStateFB plays no one, moves up 3 spots to #8. Both schools 7-1 https://t.co/jRPfNwgaAB \_(ツ)_/¯ pic.twitter.com/r7XBplaHmz— Terry Meiners (@terrymeiners) October 28, 2018 The Kentucky Wildcats football team has impressive wins over Florida, Mississippi State, South Carolina, Missouri, and Vandy with a lone loss to Texas A&M (in overtime on the road). Terry Wilson ➡️
The Beasman: God smites Cards for playbook theft, Cats shock the world
radio scripts for Monday, November 28, 2016 THE BEASMAN #1 it’s over OH BOO HOO HOOOOO! KEEP CRYIN’ YOUR CARDINAL TEARS…THEY’RE DELICIOUS! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS! KEEP BURNIN THEM COUCHES, CAT FANS! THIS HERE IS BIGGER ‘EN CHRISTMAS! U UH KAY DONE SLAYED THE EVIL CARDINAL DEMONS! STEPHEN JOHNSON FOR HEISMAN! MARK STOOPS FOR S.E.C. COACH OF THE YEAR! U UH KAY WILDCATS FOR THE PLAYOFFS! BOOM WILLIAMS FOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR! AWWWW BLUE! WHITE! BLUE! WHITE! CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) IT’S FINALLY OVER FOR YOU LOWDOWN, SAGGY PANTS, BACKWARDS CAP, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GANG BANG, U OF SMELL CARDINAL POSERS. YOU DONE BEEN EXPOSED BY THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS! AIN’T NO
Cats stun Cards 41-38 in football reversal of fortunes
It was a swagger switch no one anticipated...totally Trumpian in its scope. Ever since Donald Trump won the presidential election, the football fortunes of the University of Kentucky and University of Louisville turned in completely opposite directions. UK is soaring and UofL is imploding. Mark Stoops' Kentucky Wildcats were 25 point underdogs coming into Louisville's stadium for the regular season closer. Kentucky spent the season climbing out of its own rubble of unexpected early losses to eventually become bowl eligible. Louisville was sniffing the national championship playoffs until the Houston Cougars destroyed them last week. But at least UofL quarterback Lamar Jackson remained the prohibitive favorite to win the Heisman trophy. He even struck the pose
The Beasman can’t bear to watch UofL thrive
radio sketch, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2016, 5:40 p.m. THE BEASMAN the turnaround starts now HAS THE WORLD GONE CRAZY? U UH KAY IS ON A LOSING STREAK AND U OF SMELL IS BUILDING THE BIGGEST FOOTBAW STADIUM IN KENTUCKY. EITHER I’M HAVING A HARRIBLE NIGHTMARE OR ELSE SOMEBODY AT U UH KAY IS ASLEEP AT THE SWITCH! WAKE UP, MITCH BARNFART! WAKE UP COACH CAL! WAKE UP, MARK STOOPID! NOW I HEAR TELL THAT HOTSHOT WIDE RECEIVERS COACH WE JUST SNATCHED FROM U OF SMELL WAS ACTUALLY FIRED FROM LOSERVILLE CUZ HE SUCKS! AND HE DINT BRING LAMAR JACKSON WITH HIM! I THUNK THAT WAS THE WHOLE PLAN. MEMBER HOW COACH CAL HIRED
Halloween in Big Boo Nation
This year's University of Kentucky football season launched with several nice wins and a close call with Florida. Now 4-4 with a blowout at the hands of rival Tennessee, UK fans are clamoring for basketball to begin. Chillax. QB Patrick Towles still believes an 8-4 season is at hand. Kentucky head coach Mark Stoops: "Not a very good effort...(UK will) go get (win) #5...the only way to make this feeling go away." Kentucky offensive coordinator Shannon Dawson: "Obviously a lot of (the reason for the blowout) was them." At least American Pharoah had a dazzling Halloween in Lexington, collecting thoroughbred racing's first ever Triple Crown + BC Classic for a grand slam. Thanks for the ride, American Pharoah. UK's loss to Tennessee
Another Louisville quarterback rises at the right moment
University of Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino once again showed his strength in developing quarterbacks when seldom used Kyle Bolin was thrown into the intrastate rivalry game with the University of Kentucky. Mr. Afterthought scrambled to find his helmet, then calmly completed 21 of 31 passes for 381 yards and 3 touchdowns. He also threw a pick 6 and fumbled to give UK another defensive touchdown. Once victory was assured for the Cardinals, Lexington native Kyle Bolin became the toast of Louisville. Down 13-0, Petrino sent Bolin onto the field with an empty backfield, showing UK that the new kid was going to throw. Two plays, two completions, the second one for a 45 yard touchdown strike to DeVante Parker. Louisville would go
Stoops is loaded at QB, shoring up D for fall football
University of Kentucky head football coach Mark Stoops joined us on Great Day Live to talk spring football, his full complement of quarterbacks, fresh running back potential, and tightening the Kentucky defense. Coach Stoops is featured on a limited edition Maker's Mark bottle to raise money for UK's Gill Heart Institute. The spring football game is April 26th at Commonwealth Stadium.