radio script - 5:45 p.m. - Monday, June 16, 2014 THE BEASMAN casey kasem YOUR DEE-MISE IS COMING, LARRY MINNER. YOU CAN START THE CASEY KASEM TOP 40 LAST DAYS OF LARRY MINNER RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MATT JONES IS BACK! YEAH! IT WAS LIKE CHRISTMAS MARNIN’ THIS MARNIN WHEN I TURNT ON THE LECTRIC RADIO TO HEAR “THE VOICE OF U UH KAY” MISTER MATT JONES BACK ON THE RADIO TAWKIN SMACK TO U OF SMELLERS AND PUMPIN UP U UH KAY FAITHFUL FOR THE ROAD AHEAD. OF COURSE YOU PROBLEE DON’T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD FAITHFUL, LARRY MINNER, CUZ YOU DONE CROSSED OVER TO THE DARK SIDE OF U OF SMELL CARDINAL CRIMINAL
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The Beasman is a Final Four fanboy
WHAS radio script, Friday, April 4, 2014, 5:45 p.m. THE BEASMAN final four THOSE WEREN’T NO THUNDERSTARMS YOU HEARD ALL NIGHT – THAT WAS GOD JUMPING UP AND DOWN BUCITED ABOUT HIS KENTUCKY WILDCATS BACK IN THE FINAL FOUR. DADGUMMIT, IT’S ABOUT TIME THE MAN UPSTAIRS DONE SET THINGS RIGHT AGAIN. HE LISTENED TO THE PRAYERS OF GOOD LITTLE WILDCAT BOYS AND GIRLS AND HE SAID, “WELL, I GUESS I DONE TAUGHT EM HOW TO BE HUMBLE WITH ROBERT MORRIS LAST YEAR AND THEN NOT LETTING EM HAVE THE FARDY AND OH THEY THUNK WAS A SURE THANG. OK, NOW THEY CAN DOMMERATE AGAIN.” THANK YOU, GOD. US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WON’T GIT ARROGANT NEVER AGAIN.
Brother against brother in a neighbor’s yard
WHAS radio script - 5:45 p.m. - Monday, March 24, 2014 THE BEASMAN tweak 16 PUT MATT JONES ON. AIN’T NO SELF-RESPECTIN CAT FAN WANTS TO HEAR WHAT A TRAITOR TURNCOAT HAS TO SAY ABOUT NO DREAM GAME! BUT IT AINT NO DREAM FOR YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL CRIMINAL BUDDIES, IT’S YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, YOU BALD-HAIRED, SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN CARDINAL CRYBABY FRAUD. I CAN HEAR IN YOUR VOICE THAT YOU IS A-SCARED TO DEATH, LARRY MINNER, AND IT AINT FROM ROVING BANDS OF TEENAGE THUGS BEATIN UP OLD PEOPLE IN LOSERVILLE. THAT’S JUST EVERDAY LIFE IN YOUR GHETTO, GANG BANG BROKE DOWN TOWN, RIGHT LARRY? DON’T LIE TO THE BEASMAN – YOU IS A-SKEERED OF
The Beasman: Coach Cal is playing possum
radio script for Friday, March 1, 2014 -- airs at 5:45 p.m. THE BEASMAN just for men WELL LARRY MINNER, NOW THAT THE GAY MARRIAGE RAINBOW FLAG PEOPLE IS ALL RUNNING AROUND HERE CELERBRATIN, WHEN IS YOU AND SLICK RICK BUTEENO GONNA TIE THE KNOT? I KNOW YOU’S IN LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE YOU GIT ALL STARRY-EYED WHEN THE TWO OF YOU TAWKS ON THE TELLERBISION. MATT JONES DON’T ACT LIKE A CREEPER WHEN HE SETS ON COACH CAL’S LAP TO AST QUESTIONS. THEY IS PROFESSIONALS BUT YOU AND SLICK RICK ACT LIKE A COUPLE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP. I GUESS YOU TWO SWISHY BOYS IS GONNA HAVE ONE OF THEM
The Beasman celebrates the all-new Rupp Arena–Cal Palace
radio script: 02-10-2014 MONDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2014 THE BEASMAN rupp update HEY LARRY, WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS THEY TALKING ABOUT ALL DAY ON EXPN ABOUT YOU GOING TO THE NFL. DADGUMMIT, SEEMS LIKE EVER STORY ON THERE IS ALL ABOUT YOU, YOU GAY BOY, THINKING YOU GONNA GIT DRAFTED IN THE NFL. THE ONLY NFL INNERESTED IN YOU IS THE NERDS & FOOLS LEAGUE. QUIT TALKING ABOUT YOUR GAYNESS AND START TAWKING ABOUT WHAT EXPN SHOULD BE HIGHLIGHTING ALL DAY TODAY – COACH CAL’S BIRFDAY. (sing) “HAPPY BIRFDAY, COACH CAL. HAPPY BIRFDAY, COACH CAL. KENTUCKY LOVES CAL, YOU KNOW --- EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT FARDY AND OH!” IT SHOULD BE
The Beasman is a Belieber
THE BEASMAN back from vacation I CAINT BLEEVE YOU COME BACK TO WORK, YOU SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN LOUDMOUTH LOSERVILLE LOSER. WHEN YOU WAS GONE THEM FEW DAYS AND I HEARED LOCKJAW McCRANE ON THERE I THUNK TO MYSELF—I BETCHA THEY FINALLY FIGGERED OUT THAT LARRY IS A U OF SMELL GASBAG AND THE WH&S NEEDS TO GET A FAIR AND IMPARTIAL REPLACEMENT FOR HIM. SOMEBODY LIKE MATT JONES, A GUY WHO JUST TELLS THE TRUTH, AND THE TRUTH IS THAT U UH K DOMMERATES AND U OF SMELL IS A MAGNET FOR THUGS. BUT NAW, MATT JONES NEVER TURNT UP. NEXT THING I KNOW, I TURNT ON THE LECTRIC RADIO AND I HEAR A VOICE THAT SOUNDS
Memphis exported some blues to Louisville
On the day that a chastened Bobby Petrino was introduced as the reborn head coach of the University of Louisville football team, Rick Pitino's basketball team lost a critically important game at home against Memphis. The overly excited UK zealot The Beasman couldn't wait to call my radio show the next day. His transcript is printed below. THE BEASMAN memphis loss (LAFF) THE LOSERVILLE CARDINALS: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. DID SOMEBODY DUMP A GATORADE JUG FULL OF STUPID OVER TOM JURICH? WHAT’S HE DOIN BRINGIN THAT SNAKE IN THE GRASS BACK TO COACH YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM? WHAT Y’ALL POSED TO DO, JUST LOCK UP YOUR WIFES AND DAUGHTERS UNTIL FOOTBAW SEASON STARTS? I
One and Dunce
One of the most downloaded 84WHAS Radio podcasts are my conversations with University of Kentucky fanatic The Beasman. These sketches air two times weekly, usually at 5:45 p.m. but occasionally earlier in the 4 p.m. hour. RECENT BITS: Beasman just prior to the UofL vs Cincinnati football game Beasman after UK beats Providence and Alabama football loses Beasman after UofL loses to North Carolina Here's tomorrow's radio script for The Beasman, scheduled to air at 5:45 p.m. so that you can read along. Terrestrial: 840 AM; streaming via whas.com