THE BEASMAN cats and petrino lose again WELL LARRY, MAYBE YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING TO GO TRAITOR TURNCOAT AND RENOUNCE YOUR U UH KAY LOYALTY TO BE A U OF SMELL THUG FAN. IT’S A BITTERSWEET TIME TO BE A CAT FAN, I TELL YOU WHAT. NORM-ULLY I’D BE DANCIN A JIG CUZ THE U OF SMELL FOOTBAW SCUMBAG COACH BOBBY NECK BRACE GOT FIRED BUT THEN AS SOON AS I START GRINNIN I THINK ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS PLAYIN LIKE POOPS AND I GIT SAD AGAIN. (crying) WE DON’T WANT BAMA NOW! U UH KAY IS RANKED #20 AND FALLIN. AIN’T NO NEW YEAR’S BIG SIX BO GAME. BINNY SNELL AIN’T GITTIN NO HEISHMAN TROPHY. AND TERRY
Tag: bobby petrino
The Beasman knows that church money goes to heavenly recruits
THE BEASMAN cats still Top 20 (laffs) HEY LAREEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs) I BET YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL BUDDIES THUNK I WAS GONNA BE SAD ABOUT THE CATS LOSIN, BUT NAWWWWWWW. WE ALL GOOD! (laffs) THE U UH KAY WILDCATS IS STILL TOP 20, STOOPS IS STILL THE BEST COACH U UH KAY EVER HAD SINCE BEAR BRYANT, AND BINNY SNELL STILL GONNA WIN THE HEISHMAN TROPHY. (laffs) AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WE PUSHED THEM AGGIE BOYS TO OVERTIME AND OUR KICKER DONE AS GOOD AS HE COULD. (laffs) WE AIN’T MAD. U UH KAY STILL GONNA PLAY IN A NEW YEAR’S DAY BO. OUR QUARTERBACK IS A LITTLE
A Louisville Cardinal in jail – sometimes the jokes just write themselves
.@VonMiller started building his own chicken farm back in college.Lately he's wanted to build another one ... in our offices. pic.twitter.com/PvqGoaUVeR— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) October 1, 2018 Meanwhile, University of Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino is under fire for his ineptitude in the closing minutes of a guaranteed win against conference rival Florida State. Oops. To add insult to injury, the Tallahassee newspaper still calls it Papa John's Cardinal Stadium. Double oops.
The Beasman: God smites Cards for playbook theft, Cats shock the world
radio scripts for Monday, November 28, 2016 THE BEASMAN #1 it’s over OH BOO HOO HOOOOO! KEEP CRYIN’ YOUR CARDINAL TEARS…THEY’RE DELICIOUS! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS! KEEP BURNIN THEM COUCHES, CAT FANS! THIS HERE IS BIGGER ‘EN CHRISTMAS! U UH KAY DONE SLAYED THE EVIL CARDINAL DEMONS! STEPHEN JOHNSON FOR HEISMAN! MARK STOOPS FOR S.E.C. COACH OF THE YEAR! U UH KAY WILDCATS FOR THE PLAYOFFS! BOOM WILLIAMS FOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR! AWWWW BLUE! WHITE! BLUE! WHITE! CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) IT’S FINALLY OVER FOR YOU LOWDOWN, SAGGY PANTS, BACKWARDS CAP, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GANG BANG, U OF SMELL CARDINAL POSERS. YOU DONE BEEN EXPOSED BY THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS! AIN’T NO
Cats stun Cards 41-38 in football reversal of fortunes
It was a swagger switch no one anticipated...totally Trumpian in its scope. Ever since Donald Trump won the presidential election, the football fortunes of the University of Kentucky and University of Louisville turned in completely opposite directions. UK is soaring and UofL is imploding. Mark Stoops' Kentucky Wildcats were 25 point underdogs coming into Louisville's stadium for the regular season closer. Kentucky spent the season climbing out of its own rubble of unexpected early losses to eventually become bowl eligible. Louisville was sniffing the national championship playoffs until the Houston Cougars destroyed them last week. But at least UofL quarterback Lamar Jackson remained the prohibitive favorite to win the Heisman trophy. He even struck the pose
The Beasman is ready for some footbaw
THE BEASMAN football is here HELLO, IDIOT. IS YOU STILL TURNIN CARTWHEELS OVER THE GOOD CHURCH LADY GOIN TO JAIL? HOW DARE THEM SUPREME COURT GAY LOVERS PUT A GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN BEHIND BARS JUST FOR BEIN A CATS FAN. YOU KNOW SHE’S BLUE, LARRY, CUZ SHE GOT MORALS AND SHE AINT GOT NO TATTOOS LIKE U OF SMELL THUGS DO. AND IF SHE’S IN A CELL, THAT TAKES UP A SPACE WHERE A U OF SMELL CRIMINAL OUGHT TO BE LOCKED UP. US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS DON’T LIKE US NO GAY BOYS. MEMBER WHEN WE USED TO SHOUT “MATT WALSH IS GAY” OVER AND OVER IN RUPP ARENER? CAT FANS IS GOD FEARIN
Another Louisville quarterback rises at the right moment
University of Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino once again showed his strength in developing quarterbacks when seldom used Kyle Bolin was thrown into the intrastate rivalry game with the University of Kentucky. Mr. Afterthought scrambled to find his helmet, then calmly completed 21 of 31 passes for 381 yards and 3 touchdowns. He also threw a pick 6 and fumbled to give UK another defensive touchdown. Once victory was assured for the Cardinals, Lexington native Kyle Bolin became the toast of Louisville. Down 13-0, Petrino sent Bolin onto the field with an empty backfield, showing UK that the new kid was going to throw. Two plays, two completions, the second one for a 45 yard touchdown strike to DeVante Parker. Louisville would go
Petrino on Great Day Live
University of Louisville head football coach Bobby Petrino visited Great Day Live after his family foundation donated $1 million to Kosair Children's Hospital. Bobby talked of his family's commitment to Louisville, his daughter Kelsey's leadership qualities and his daughter Katie's sporting stardom for the Lady Cards golf team. With the Cardinals moving into the ACC, Coach Petrino said the team is hyper-excited to take on the higher level of competition and that the most important thing is to win every home game as the fans make PJCS the toughest place to play in America.
Memphis exported some blues to Louisville
On the day that a chastened Bobby Petrino was introduced as the reborn head coach of the University of Louisville football team, Rick Pitino's basketball team lost a critically important game at home against Memphis. The overly excited UK zealot The Beasman couldn't wait to call my radio show the next day. His transcript is printed below. THE BEASMAN memphis loss (LAFF) THE LOSERVILLE CARDINALS: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. DID SOMEBODY DUMP A GATORADE JUG FULL OF STUPID OVER TOM JURICH? WHAT’S HE DOIN BRINGIN THAT SNAKE IN THE GRASS BACK TO COACH YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM? WHAT Y’ALL POSED TO DO, JUST LOCK UP YOUR WIFES AND DAUGHTERS UNTIL FOOTBAW SEASON STARTS? I