THE BEASMAN nba draft disaster
IT’S ANOTHER DARK DAY IN WILDCAT COUNTRY, LARRY MINNER! (cry) WHAT KIND OF DRUGS IS THEM NBA COACHES SNIFFIN? I WAS SETTIN THERE LAST NIGHT BU-SPECTIN THE FIRST 3 PICKS TO BE THE U UH KAY KENTUCKY WILDCATS, RIGHT? Y’ALL BOUT TO PICK I-ZAYER JACKSON FIRST! THEN GONNA BE BRANDO BOSTON! NEXT COME OLIVIER SARR FROM U UH KAY! (cry)
BUT NAWWWW! EVER TIME THAT BALD HAIRED, MEERKAT LOOKIN NBA COMMISH-NER WALKED UP TO THE PODIUM HE WOULD CALL OUT THE NAME OF A LOSER FROM SOME OTHER SCHOOL, NOT KENTUCKY! (cry) THEY TOOK GUYS FROM OKLAHOMO STATE, GONZAGGER, STANFORD, ALAMBAMMER, THE MEMPHIS Y.M.C.A. AND EVEN DADGUM TENNERSEE!
THEY PICKED A DADGUM PUKE ARNGE TENNERSEE GUY AND A ROTTEN DUKIE BEFORE THEY FINE-LEE GOT AROUND TO PICKIN I-ZAYER JACKSON FROM THE CATS! (cry) IT WAS ALMOST MIDNIGHT WHEN THEY TOOK THEIR FIRST BIG BLUE NATION PLAYER! AND THEN, I STILL CAINT GIT OVER THIS, THE LOST ANGELEZE LAKERS CHOOSE I-ZAYER JACKSON FROM U UH KAY AND THEN 2 MINUTES LATER THEY TRADED HIM OFF LIKE HE WAS A BEAT UP BICYCLE WITH A FLAT TIRE!
WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD ANTHONY DAVIS’S LAKERZ DRAFT A KENTUCKY WILDCAT AND THEN DISH HIM OFF LIKE HE GOT COVID? (cry) WHAT A INSULT! NO WONDER COACH CAL WEREN’T THERE! I BET HE KNOWED IN ADVANCE THAT THESE DRUGHEAD MARY-WANNER SNIFFIN NBA COACHES WEREN’T GONNA TAKE NO WILDCATS UNTIL #22.
DISGUSTING! THE NEW YARK KNICKS ALREADY GOT ABOUT 5 KENTUCKY WILDCATS WHAT’S IS KNICKERBOCKERS BUT NOT NO MORE! THEY’S STOOPID, I GUESS! (cry) KENTUCKY NEED TO START UP ITS OWN LEAGUE WITH JUST WILDCAT PLAYERS! NOW I KNOW THE NBA MADE A WEAK GESTURE ACTIN LIKE THEY WAS GIVIN A HONORARY DRAFT PICK FOR TERRENCE CLARK BUT THAT DON’T LET EM OFF THE HOOK FOR INSULTIN U UH KAY BY MAKIN OUR PLAYERS WAIT TO THE SECOND ROUND LIKE THEY IS LOSERVILLE CARDINALS. (cry) REE-DIC-Q-LESS!
THE NBA ALWAYS TAKES SOME SLUG FROM U OF SMELL OR WESTERN KENTUCKY BUT NONE OF EM EVER MAKE THE TEAM. IT’S ONLY KENTUCKY WILDCATS WHO DOMMER-ATE ON THE PRO LEVEL SO THIS WHOLE DRAFT NIGHT WAS A SHAM! (cry) WHAT A HARRIBLE WEEK THIS BEEN FOR TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS! THE NBA DISSED US BUT SO DID THE S.E.C. WHEN THEY MARRIED UP WITH TEXAS AND OKLAHOMO! DADGUMMIT! WE DON’T NEED TWO MORE FOOTBAW PIRES COMIN IN HERE TO CRUSH STOOPS TROOPS!
I SAY WE START THE B.B.N. NETWORK AND ALL OF AMERICA WILL WATCH U UH KAY THUMP ON WHATEVER RUM DUMMIES WANNA PLAY US! LET’S GO CATS! LET’S GO BLUE! U OF SMELL IS BRAGGIN CUZ THAT TRINITY HIGH SCHOOL GUY GOT DRAFTED LAST NIGHT BUT YOU KNOW HE’S GOIN TO THE G-LEAGUE, WHICH STANDS FOR “GIT OUTTA HERE WITH THAT WEAK LOSERVILLE SHOT.” (laffs) AND THAT BIG FELLER FROM WESTERN CAINT DO NOTHIN CUZ HE FLAT FOOTED LIKE FRANKERSTEIN! (laffs)
IF YOU AIN’T BLUE, YOU WON’T DO! LET’S GO CATS! GIT OUTTA THE S.E.C. BEFORE OKLAHOMO AND TEXAS START MAKIN THE CATS SET IN THE BACK ROW AGAIN! WE IS KENTUCKY! WE IS THE CATS! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! UNFORTUNATELY, BLUE GITS IN…BUT NOT TIL THE SECOND ROUND! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! YOU SUCK, LARRY! YOU AND ALL YOUR SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, BOOZE FOR BREAKFAST, CUSS WORD SPRAY PAINTIN, GOLD CHAIN, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, DRUGHEAD, BRAINLESS, TOOTHLESS LOSERVILLE CARDINAL CRYBABIES CAN WATCH ALL YOUR CARDINAL PLAYERS TRY TO GIT DRAFTED DOWN AT THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!