THE BEASMAN nba combine
LARRY, LARRY, LARRY. WHY DO YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, LITTLE BROTHER, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, RICKY JONES LOVIN, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK CARDINAL CONVICT FANS ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT THE NBA COMBINE? OOOOOH. DONNERVAN MITCHELL IS TOO GOOD TO PLAY IN THE 5-ON-5 COMPERTITION BUT ISAIAH BRISKET GOTTA PLAY CUZ HE AIN’T GONNA MAKE IT ON NO NBA TEAM. SUCK IT, LOSERVILLE FANS. I MEAN…NO WONDER THEY JUST BANNED HOOKAH SMOKIN CUZ Y’ALL U OF SMELLERS MUST BE HIGH.
DONNERVAN MITCHUM MIGHT AS WELL GIT USED TO A D-LEAGUE BUS. HE AIN’T NEVER GONNA BE PRIME TIME LIKE ALL U UH KAY STARS. AIN’T NO CARDINAL BIRD PLAYERS GONNA ACTUALLY GIT ON NO NBA ROSTER. THEM SCOUTS KNOW WHAT THEY’S DOIN.
U OF SMELL PLAYERS LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR COACH PLAYIN IN THAT FLORIDA CEMETERY LEAGUE. SLOW, CONFUSED, AND USELESS. LARRY, YOU GOT TO BE A U UH KAY WILDCAT TO BE A NBA SUPERSTAR LIKE ANTHONY DAVIS AND KARL ANTHONY TOWN CAR. JOHN WALL IS A WILDCAT. NERLENS NOEL IS BIG BLUE. DEVIN BROOKER. SKAL, MKG, ONE OF THEM HARRISON TWINS, BLEDSOE, BIG OL BOOGIE COUSINS, AND WILLIE CRAWDAD STEIN…ALL THEM KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS THE TOP SUPERSTARS IN THE NBA. LEE-BRON JAMES IS COACH CAL’S ADOPTED SON SO HE’S SORT OF A STEP-WILDCAT.
GUYS LIKE KEVIN DURANT, CAR-MELLER, STEPH CURRY, AND WESTBROOK LOOK LIKE A BUNCH A LOSERS NEXT TO THEM NBA WILDCATS. AIN’T NO U OF SMELL NOBODY LIKE DONNER-VAN MITCHUM GONNA GIT ON NO NBA TEAM. HE’S OK, BUT OTHER U OF SMELLERS LIKE JELLO JOHNSON, DENG DANG DUNG, PEDRO SIVA… THEY IS NOBODIES.
ONLY CARDINAL GUY I LIKE IS RUSS SMIFF AND THAT’S CUZ HE COME OVER TO THE U UH KAY LOCKER ROOM AND BEGGED FOR FORGIVENESS FOR BEATIN US THAT ONE TIME. OH WAIT, HE NEVER BEAT US. HE COME OVER TO GET OUR PLAYERS’ AUTOGRAPHS AFTER U UH KAY BULIMINATED Y’ALL FROM MARCH MADNESS. INSTEAD OF HANDIN OUT DIPLOMAS, U OF SMELL OUGHT TO HAND OUT MOPS CUZ ALL A CARDINAL DEGREE WILL GIT YOU IS A JANITOR JOB.
AND STOP IT WITH ALL THE UPDATES ON GRAMPA SLICK RICK PLAYIN IN A GEEZER RETIREE LEAGUE DOWN IN FLORIDA. I SEEN THE VIDEO. IT LOOKED LIKE A BAD EPISODE OF THE WALKING DEAD. SLICK IS OUT THERE TRYIN TO RECAPTURE HIS YOUTH LIKE AN OLD LADY WEARING A LOW CUT BLOUSE. IT’S JUST SAGGY SADNESS. TELL SLICK RICK TO KEEP PAINTIN HIS BALD SPOT WITH BLACK SHOE POLISH AND PINCH A POTATO CHIP CLIP ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK TO PULL ALL HIS FOREHEAD WRINKLES TIGHT. WHEN HE’S OUT THERE LIMPIN AROUND THAT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SIZE BASKETBAW COURT LIKE PEG LEG PETE, IT LOOKS LIKE THE GEEZER OLYMPICS. I SWEAR BETTY WHITE WAS PLAYIN ON THE OTHER TEAM. DID YOU NOTICE THE SPONSOR SIGNS? THEY WAS ALL FOR VIAGRA, HEARING AIDS, HOSPICE, AND CEMETERIES.
MEANTIME COACH CAL IS RIDIN A HOVERBOARD AND SINGING SONGS WITH DRAKE. JUST GIVE UP, LOSERVILLE. THE NC2A IS BRINGING THE HAMMER DOWN SOON, LARRY. TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK TO LINE UP THEM GEEZER BALL SPONSORS FROM HOSPICE AND CEMETERIES. Y’ALL GONNA HAVE A FAKE NEWS CHAMPERCHIP BANNER YOU NEED TO BURY. PUT ON YOUR BLACK FANBOY SHIRT, LARRY. U OF SMELL’S DEATH PENALTY BOUT TO HIT THE FAN ANY DAY NOW. MEANTIME, COACH CAL IS RIDIN HIS HOVERBOARD TO RECRUIT MORE MACDONALD ALL-AMERICANS. FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!