THE BEASMAN u of smell plunge

HOW’S EVERTHANG IN SIN CITY, BALDY? IS Y’ALL SPRAYIN FOR A HERPES OUTBREAK? IT DON’T MATTER THAT THE F.F.A. LEFT TOWN. ALL YOUR HOTEL ROOMS IS FILLED WITH NC2A INVESTIGATORS OR HOOKERS HELPIN Y’ALL RECRUIT.

HEY LARRY, BEFORE YOU START FLAPPING YOUR BALD HEAD, SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN MOUTH ABOUT HOW TENNERSEE WHOOPED U UH KAY IN FOOTBAW, JUST MEMBER THAT BOBBY THE FORNICATOR’S U OF SMELL TEAM IS DONE. STICK A FARK IN YOU. U OF SMELL GOIN DOWN TO SYRAMACUSE & PITTSNOGGLE & VIRGINNY, AND THEN YOU GONNA LOSE BIG TO U UH KAY FOR THANKSGIVIN.

Y’ALL CARDINALS FLOPPED AROUND LIKE A FISH ON A SIDEWALK TRYIN TO BEAT NOBODY WAKE FOREST. Y’ALL GOT A CLOWN CAR FULL OF BELOW AVERAGE QUARTERBACKS WHO RUN 20 MILES GOIN BACK AND FORTH TO THE SIDELINES WHILE THEIR REPLACEMENT TROTS BACK ON THE FIELD TO SUCK WORSE. YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM CAINT BEAT TRINITY HIGH SCHOOL SO SHUT YOUR TRAP ABOUT THE CATS. COACH CAL IS BACK WITH OUR FARDY & OH WILDCATS BASKETBAW TEAM.

COACH CAL IS BEST FRIENDS WITH POPE FRANCIS, AND HE MADE ONE OF THEM CATHLICK MAGIC HAND WAVES OVER COACH CAL’S HEAD AND PROMISED HIM THAT GOD WAS GONNA MAKE U UH KAY GO FARDY & OH OR ELSE HE WAS GONNA QUIT BEIN POPE AND BECOME A ORTHOPEDIC JEW. COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – HE SAYS GOD QUIT WORRYIN ABOUT STARVIN PEOPLE, WARS, CRASHIN AIRPLANES, AND ABANDONED BABIES SO HE CAN FOCUS ONLY ON U UH KAY GOIN FARDY & OH. SO Y’ALL SHOULDN’T EVEN SHOW UP IN RUMP ARENER UNLESS YOU WANNA GIT PIMP SLAPPED BY THE CATS. AND I KNOW SLICK RICK KNOWS WHAT A PIMP SLAP IS BECAUSE ANDRE MCGEE DONE GIVE HIM A WHOLE MESS OF ‘EM.

HOW DO YOU LIKE ANDRE MCGREE QUITTIN HIS JOB SO THE NC2A CAINT GIT HIM. NOW SLICK RICK GOT TO TAKE ALL THE PAIN BY HISSELF AND QUIT AT U OF SMELL. WHAT DO YOU THINK SLICK RICK WILL DO NEXT, LARRY? I MEAN, YOU ARE HIS GAY BOYFRIEND SO GO AHEAD AND TELL US. IS HE GONNA GO INTO HARSE RACING FULLTIME? TELL SLICK RICK THAT U UH KAY IS THE AMERICAN PHAROAH OF COLLEGE BASKETBAW AND U OF SMELL IS A BROKE DOWN OL PLOW HORSE CAINT BARELY LIMP DOWN THE FLOOR. OHHH, AND LARRY.

YEAH. WE SEEN YOUR PATHETIC CARDINALS COME OUT AND PLAY BIG BAD BELLARMINE. WOOOO. THAT WAS SUCH A IMPRESSIVE VICTREE OVER A LITTLE BITTY NOBODY STATUE-WORSHIPPIN CATHLICK COLLEGE THAT U UH KAY IS SHAKIN IN OUR BOOTS WONDERING HOW COACH CAL GONNA BEAT Y’ALL CARDINALS COME CHRISTMAS. I MEAN…Y’ALLS CENTER THROWS UP UNDERHANDED FREE THROWS LIKE A 10-YEAR-OLD TRYIN TO WIN A TEDDY BEAR AT THE STATE FAIR. CAINT SLICK RICK RECRUIT A GUY WHO CAN SHOOT THE BALL LIKE A MAN? Y’ALL SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME PIMPIN WHEN YOU OUGHTA BE TEACHIN FREE THROWS.

YOUR SCHOOL PRESIDENT NEEDS TO TAKE OFF THAT SOMBRERO AND PUT ON A EXECUTIONER’S HOOD AND START FIRING ALL YOUR SINFUL CARDINAL COACHES LIKE SLICK RICK AND BOBBY THE FARNICATOR. PRESIDENT RAMSEY NEEDS TO EITHER TAKE CHARGE AND HIRE JUDGE JUDY TO COACH YOUR TEAM SO YOUR PLAYERS LEARN RIGHT FROM WRONG, OR JUST TOTALLY GIVE UP AND TURN U OF SMELL INTO A PIMP COLLEGE THAT TEACHES LYIN, CHEATIN, PROSTITUTIN, AND HOW TO WRITE A TELL ALL BOOK WITHOUT USING COMPLETE SENTENCES.

U OF SMELL IS A EMBARRASSMENT TO THE REST OF THE STATE WHERE GOOD HARD WORKIN WILDCAT FANS WORSHIP THE CATS, THE BIBLE, AND THE NC2A INVESTERGATORS WHO IS GITTIN READY TO THROW THE HAMMER DOWN ON THE EVIL CARDINAL CRIMINALS.

NO WONDER YOUR CITY IS BUILDING TWO NEW BRIDGES. THAT’S CUZ EVERBODY IS TRYIN TO GIT AWAY FROM YOUR GHETTO HELL. GIVE UP, SINNERS. YOU AINT NOTHIN BUT A BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC, WHISKEY DRINKIN, BACKWARD CAP, MAN WEARIN EARRINGS, DEADBEAT DAD, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, THUG IN A RUG, FUTURE CONVICT WARD OF THE STATE CARDINAL JAILBIRDS. GIT OFF MY PHONE. CATS! CATS! CATS!