radio script – 5:45 p.m. – Monday, June 16, 2014

THE BEASMAN casey kasem
YOUR DEE-MISE IS COMING, LARRY MINNER. YOU CAN START THE CASEY KASEM TOP 40 LAST DAYS OF LARRY MINNER RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MATT JONES IS BACK! YEAH! IT WAS LIKE CHRISTMAS MARNIN’ THIS MARNIN WHEN I TURNT ON THE LECTRIC RADIO TO HEAR “THE VOICE OF U UH KAY” MISTER MATT JONES BACK ON THE RADIO TAWKIN SMACK TO U OF SMELLERS AND PUMPIN UP U UH KAY FAITHFUL FOR THE ROAD AHEAD. OF COURSE YOU PROBLEE DON’T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD FAITHFUL, LARRY MINNER, CUZ YOU DONE CROSSED OVER TO THE DARK SIDE OF U OF SMELL CARDINAL CRIMINAL GHETTO TOWN LITTLE BROTHER NOBODYLAND WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK TOOK THAT JOB. BUT MATT JONES IS BACK AND THAT MEANS THAT HE’S GONNA GIT YOUR JOB, LARRY.

WH&S IS A U UH KAY STATION AND SO U OF SMELL LITTLE LEAGUE GAMES GOT TO BE ON THAT 5-WATT POPCORN POPPER STATION AINT NOBODY CAN HEAR AT NIGHT. GUYS LIKE YOU IS WHAT RUINS WH&S WITH ALL YOUR STINKBREATH U OF SMELL PROPERGANDER AND LIES ABOUT COACH CAL. SO WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TAWK ABOUT THAT CON MAN IN MEMPHIS LYIN ABOUT COACH CAL PAYING OFF HIS NEPHEW TO PLAY FOR MEMPHIS BACK IN THE DAY? THAT UNCLE KRACKER GUY IS A CONVICTED DRUG DEALER LIAR WHO IS JUST TRYING TO SELL HIS BOOK AND SO HE’S TRYIN TO BEE-SMIRCH THE GOOD NAME OF COACH CAL. WHY WOULD COACH CAL PAY THAT SLUG TO PLAY FOR MEMPHIS WHEN HE WAS THE WORST PLAYER ON THE TEAM? I MEAN HE WAS SO WORTHLESS THAT HE COULD PROBLEE MAKE THE U OF SMELL STARTING 5. MATT JONES SAYS THERE’S NOTHIN TO THIS FAKE PACK OF LIES FROM THIS MEMPHIS PREACHER SO ONCE MATT JONES SAYS IT AIN’T TRUE…THEN IT AIN’T. CASE CLOSED. MOVE ALONG. AIN’T NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

THE ONLY TRUE PREACHER OF GOSPEL TRUTH IS MATT JONES AND HE SAYS COACH CAL IS RUNNING THE CHURCH OF WILDCAT BASKETBAW WITH HONOR. SO SHUT YOUR CARDINAL LOVIN, SNAGGLE TOOTH, BALD-HAIRED, SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN MOUTH ABOUT COACH CAL.

YOU IS JUST A HAS-BEEN RADIO GU-NOUNCER WHO GOIN DOWN CASEY KASEM’S HIGHWAY TO HADES REAL SOON SO YOU BETTER START MAKIN AMENDS WITH THE GOOD AND CLASSY U UH KAY FANS WHO YOU DISSED A LONG TIME AGO, YOU PENCIL NECK GEEK TRAITOR TURNCOAT RED SWEATER WEARING PHONEY.

SOME PEOPLE THINK I’M BEING CRUEL ABOUT CASEY KASEM DYIN BUT I JUST NEVER LIKED HIM OR HIS STUPID COUNTDOWN. I USED TO SET THERE BY THE RADIO ALL BUCITED ON SAIRDEE AND LISTEN AT HIM DO HIS AMERICAN TOP FARDY COUNTDOWN BUT HE NEVER ONCE SAID KENTUCKY WAS #1. I MEAN, NOT ONCE. CASEY KASEM HATED U UH KAY OR ELSE HE WOULDA AT LEAST PUT US IN THE FINAL FOUR OF THE COUNTDOWN. BUT NOPE..HE DON’T KNOW NOTHIN BOUT BIG BLUE SO GOOD RIDDANCE.

HE’D GIT ON THAT STUPID COUNTDOWN SHOW AND ALWAYS BRING UP OTHER SCHOOLS LIKE “DUKE OF EARL” OR “SWEET HOME ALABAMA” OR “CAROLINA ON MY MIND” OR SOMETHING BY KANSAS BUT HE NEVER SAID NOTHING ABOUT KENTUCKY. SO I’M GLAD HE DIED…AND IF RYAN SEACREST DON’T START MAKIN KENTUCKY #1 THEN I’M GONNA CAST A HOODOO SPELL ON HIM, TOO. IF THERE’S GONNA BE #1 AT ANYTHING THEN IT BETTER BE THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS AND NOTHING ELSE.

SO SHUT YOUR SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN TRAP AND GIT READY FOR TOTAL BIG BLUE DOMMERATION. THE GOV-NUR SAYS WE GONNA GIT A BIG FANCY NEW RUMP ARENER WITH ONE MORE SEAT THAN THE CHICKEN BUCKET GOT AND MARK STOOPS GONNA BEAT BOBBY PETRINKO IN FOOTBAW THEN COACH CAL GONNA SCHOOL SLICK RICK COME DEE-CEMBER. STICK A FARK IN THAT SCRAGGLY CARDINAL BIRD WITH HIS NECK TATTOOS, WHISKEY BREATH, AND SAGGY PANTS. YOU AND SLICK RICK AND YOUR CARDINAL CRYBABIES IS BOUT TO GIT RUN BACK TO DIVISION TWO LITTLE BROTHER LAND WHERE YOU BLONG, YOU BUNCH OF FOULMOUTH, GRAFFITI PAINTIN, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, GHETTO BLASTER, TARC BUS RIDIN, WATERFRONT PARK STAMPEDIN, GRAMPA PUNCHIN, DRUG DEALIN, CAR THIEF, WELFARE PARASITE, G.E.D. FLUNKIN LOSERVILLE LOSERS. GO CATS! GO BLUE!