THE BEASMAN cats lose to LSU
T-T-T-TELL ME IT WAS ALL A BAD DREAM! (long cry) I CAINT GIT OUTTA BED TODAY C-C-C-C CUZ MY PRECIOUS KENTUCKY WILDCATS LOSTED LAST NIGHT. (cry) THAT NASTY L.S.U. PLAYER DID A 360 DUNK AT THE FINAL BUZZER TO MOCK THE CATS EVEN MORE! (cry) WHY, GOD, WHY? (cry) THE G-G-G-GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS GOT DISRESPECTERCATED DOWN THERE AT L.S.U. (cry)

THE CATS WAS LEADING BY 9 POINTS WITH TWO MINUTES LEFT AND THEN (cry) ALL HADES BROKE LOOSE! (long cry) THEM L.S.U. THUGS STARTED HITTING BIG SHOTS AND WE DINT HAVE NO TY TY OR NO SAVIOR TO HELP US! TY TY GOT THE CRAMP CRAMPS AND THE SAVIOR GOT HIS JAW JACKED BY A ILLEGAL SCREEN WHICH THE REFS DINT CALL! (cry) COACH CAL JUST DON’T GIT THE CALLS LIKE HE USED TO! THEM REFFERMARIES AIN’T INTIMMERFIED BY COACH CAL NO MORE SO THE CATS LOSE, LARRY MINNER! (cry)

AND I’M SURE YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROSS EYED, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, DRIVE BY SHOOTIN, HIGHWAY SIGN PAINTIN, BOOZE FOR BREAKFAST U OF SMELL BUDDIES IS A-LAUGHIN AT BIG BLUE NATION’S PAIN RIGHT NOW! (cry) ONCE I GIT THE STRENGTH TO GIT UP OUTTA BED, I’M GONNA GIT ON THAT TWITTER MACHINE AND TROLL THEM L.S.U. THUGS FOR HAVIN THE AUDACERATION TO SCORE MORE POINTS THAN THE CATS! WE IS KENTUCKY! AIN’T NOBODY POSED TO MOCK U UH KAY WITH LAST SECOND DUNKS BUT THEY DONE IT TO US JUST LIKE THEM FISH BREATH CATHLICK NOTRE DAME FRAUDS DONE TO U UH KAY! (cry)

LARRY, WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS WRONG WITH COACH CAL? HOW COME HE DINT CALL A TIMEOUT TO TRY AN WIN? COACH CAL LIED AFTER THE GAME WHEN HE SAID HE WAS SCREAMIN TO GIT A TIMEOUT CUZ WHEN YOU WATCH THE TAPE YOU SEE THAT AIN’T TRUE! (cry) IS COACH CAL SEE-NILE? IS HE GONE MENTAL ON US? IS HE GONNA TEAR OFF HIS SHIRT AND RUN AWAY LIKE ANTONIO BROWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NEXT GAME? (cry)

I SAY WE PUT KINNY SKY WALKER IN THERE AS TEMPER-RARIOUS COACH UNTIL DOCTORS CAN DEE-TERMAL IF COACH CAL STILL GOT ALL HIS MARBLES. WE IS KENTUCKY! WE IS THE CATS! OTHER TEAMS AINT POSED TO DO 360 DUNKS ON US…WE POSED TO DO THAT TO THEM! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! (cry) WELL, I GUESS ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS OUGHTA BE THANKFUL THAT OUR TEAM DON’T SUCK QUITE US MUCH AS LAST YEAR BUT IT’S LOOKIN LIKE IT COULD GO THAT WAY AGAIN WITH THAT SCHEDULE COMIN UP! (cry)

I’LL JUST STAY HERE IN BED AND HOPE I WIN THE PIRE-BAW TONIGHT SO I CAN BUY OUT COACH CAL’S CONTRACT! U UH KAY GOTTA REPLACE HIM WITH KINNY SKY WALKER AND MAYBE ANFERNEE DAVIS AND LEE-BRON JAMES AS CONSULTANTS. KENTUCKY AIN’T POSED TO SUCK LIKE THIS, LARRY! THAT’S LOSERVILLE’S JOB! I HOPE Y’ALL LOSE TONIGHT TO PITTSNOGGLE SO ALL YOU STINKBREATH, GANG BANG, DRUG DEALER, RAP MUSIC, GOLD TEETH, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, TOOTHLESS U OF SMELL CARDINAL FANS WILL QUIT LAUGHIN ABOUT U UH KAY’S MISERY!

MEMBER THAT Y’ALL FAKED COVID SO YOU DINT HAVE TO PLAY U UH KAY! BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK! YOU BUNCHA CHICKENS! BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK! U OF SMELL CHICKENS OUGHTA GIT DEEP FRIED AND SOLD BY COLONEL SANDERS, YOU BUNCHA STRIPPER PO, BANNER TAKEDOWN, CHEATIN FRAUDS! (cry) COME ON, KENTUCKY! TRY TO WIN YOUR NEXT GAME! TELL TY TY AND OSCAR AND GRADY TO STOP FOCUSIN ON SIDE HUSTLES AND GIT FOCUSED ON PUTTIN THE BASKETBAW IN THE HO! (cry)

Radio Rules! 📻 Great work, @tomleachKY and @JeffPiecoro 🎙️🎧 #BBN #BoothCam #Kentucky #playbyplay @840WHAS @UKFootball #CitrusBowl https://t.co/glnPCP2V2K

— Terry Meiners (@terrymeiners) January 6, 2022

OH WELL…TIME TO WATCH THE VCR TAPE OF THE CITRUS BO FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME! CATS WIN! CATS WIN! CATS! CATS! CATS!

BONUS AUDIO: The Beasman calls Larry Minner to celebrate Kentucky’s dominant win over Iowa in the 2022 Citrus Bowl