THE BEASMAN football is back
I BET YOU’S JEALOUS OF COACH CAL PLAYIN GOLF WITH PRESSER-DENT BROCK PAJAMAS, AIN’T YOU, LARRY? COACH CAL HANGS OUT WITH ALL THE BIGTIME STARS LIKE BROCK PAJAMAS, LEE-BRON JAMES, JAY Z, THE DRAKE, AND THE OAK RIDGE BOYS. WHICH PRESIDENT DID YOU PLAY GOLF WITH, LARRY MINNER? THE PRESIDENT OF THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN? (laffs)

IT’S TIME FOR FOOTBAW, CARDINAL SISSIES! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, YOU FILTHY U OF SMELLERS, CUZ Y’ALL BOUT TO DIE! (laffs) I LOVE IT! THE CARDINAL CRIMINALS GOT TO WAIT ALL WEEKEND FOR THEIR EXER-CUTION AT THE HANDS OF THEM DRUNK IRISH PEDDER-FILE, FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK SINNERS. (laffs) Y’ALL DEE-SERVE EACH OTHER, YOU STRIPPER POLE, GRAMMAW PROSTER-TUTE LOVIN LOSERVILLE CARDINAL THUGS.

YOU BUNCH OF NECK TATTOO, GUN ROBBERY, PAROLE VIOLATION, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC LOSERVILLE FELONS IS GONNA START OFF THE FOOTBAW SEASON WITH YOUR DREAMS CRUSHED. (laffs) YOUR NEW GOMER PYLE COACH DON’T KNOW NOTHIN. (laffs) SHAZAM, GOMER! (laffs) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT FANS IS GIDDY LIKE SCHOOLGIRLS. (laffs)

WE’S IN THE S.E.C. JUST LIKE FLOR-I-DER AND L-S-WHO AND JARJUH. THEY IS OK BUT THEY AIN’T U-K! (laffs) SEE WHAT I DONE THERE? (laffs) STOOPS TROOPS GONNA STOMP LITTLE NOBODY TOLEDO AND THEN ALL THEM SO-CALLED “TOP 25” WILDCAT WANNABE TEAMS GONNA FIZZLE.

COACH STOOPS IS GLAD THE CATS AIN’T IN THE TOP 25. THAT’S MOTOR-VATION! Y’ALL KNOW U UH KAY IS BETTER THAN ALABAMMER AND CLEMSON AND ALL THEM OTHER FRAUDS. GO BIG BLUE! EVER-BODY KNOWS THE CATS IS #1 AND THEY’S JUST JEALOUS! JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT WE DO TO BIG, BAD TOLEDO…THE BEST TEAM IN OHI-ER CUZ OHI-ER STATE SUCKS. (laffs) BUNCH OF BUCKEYE NANCY BOYS! (laffs) CATS! CATS! CATS! TERRY TOUCHDOWN GONNA WIN THE HEISHMAN, U UH KAY GONNA WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS, AND COACH CAL GONNA FINE-LEE WIN THE NC2A SO U UH KAY FANS CAN BE MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN EVER! (laffs) WHOOOO! GO BIG BLUE! GO CATS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) BLUE GITS IN! RED GETS IN-CARCERATED! (laffs)

KENTUCKY COACHES PLAY GOLF WITH PRESIDENTS. U OF SMELL COACHES PLAY IN THE PRISON YARD. (laffs) HEY LARRY, I TODE YOU JUSTIN THOMAS WEREN’T GONNA WIN THE FEDDER CHEESE CUP CUZ HE’S A WEAK-MINDED U OF SMELL FAN. THEM FED-EX LIARS WAS AFRAID TO PUT J.B. HOLMES IN THERE CUZ THEY KNOWED HIS U UH KAY TALENT WOULD CRUSH ALL THEM OTHER CANDY APPLES. ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES WAS PULLIN FOR ANYBODY CEPT JUSTIN THOMAS TO WIN CUZ WE DON’T WANT LOSERVILLE TO HAVE NO GOOD NEWS NEVER. (laffs) GIT READY FOR THEM BEER BREATH, STATUE WORSHIPPIN CATHLICKS TO RIP OFF YOUR STUPID CARDINAL BEAKS AND BURN YOUR EYEBALLS WITH HOLY WATER!

BIG BLUE NATION LOVES NOTRE DAME ALL WEEK! THEY’LL STOMP YOU THUG CARDINALS AND COME NEXT WEEK U UH KAY FANS WILL GO BACK TO CALLIN’ NOTRE DAME UGLY, REDHAIRED, ALCOHOLIC, FISH BREATH, PEDDER-HILE PROTECTIN’ HERETIC, FAKE RELIGION DIRTBALLS. BUT FOR NOW, B.B.N. LOVVVVVEEEEESSSSS NOTRE DAME! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!