There are three boobs in this photograph. Two of them are in some serious trouble.

That’s me with 2014’s Miss Kentucky and we have our clothes on. Ramsey Carpenter visited my radio show twice during her reign as the commonwealth’s crowned head. She seemed nice, bragged about her love of the Kentucky Wildcats, and never asked if I wanted to see her naked.

Here’s a picture of Ramsey yesterday. It’s her mugshot.

Whoa! That’s a hot cup of coffee in the lap. What in the name of hoobastank is a-going on here?

After she realized I was already taken, Ramsey married a rich guy named Charles “Chas” Bearse two years ago. He’s part of the family that owns Massey Coal Company. I’m a Meiners. Maybe that’s the connective tissue.

In spite of the Bearse family’s financial security, the former beauty queen is, or was, an 8th grade teacher in West Virginia. I’m guessing she’s pretty fired by now.

A 15-year-old boy’s mom found some topless photos of Ramsey on her son’s phone. He was once her student. Schools don’t tend to like that sort of behavior out of their teachers. Nor does society.

Sexting minors? Yeah, no. She’s out on bond now but will have a tough time taking back her admission that she sent four photos of her breast/chest area to a kid.

If found guilty, Ramsey Carpenter Bearse could get 20 years in prison and a $100,000 fine.

If she’d only shown her boobs in a Texas Roadhouse restaurant, none of these legal problems would have arisen.

And hey, Busted Coverage, why are you cropping me out of this glorious moment?

That hurts. I’m with a crazy beauty queen and all I get is a sliver of my face on a big time website. It burrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnsssssss! But my prestigious sweater from Augusta National made the cut. That’s a spectacle we can all enjoy.

Call the repo man to collect that sash. Ramsey’s glory days in Big Boob Nation are over.