THE BEASMAN cats rule the world
SHUT UP ABOUT THEM LOSER RED SOX, DADGUMMIT! AIN’T NO KENTUCKIAN INNERESTED IN NO RED…CEPT FOR U OF SMELL RECRUITS LOOKIN FOR RED LIGHTBULBS ON STRIPPER HOUSES! (laffs)

THIS HERE IS BIG BLUE COUNTRY! (laffs) THE BLUE WAVE IS HERE! THE BLUE WAVE IS HERE! (laffs) BOW TO THE BLUE, YOU CARDINAL FRAUDS! BOW TO THE BLUE! U UH KAY IS #11 IN THE PO AND Y’ALL IS DEAD LAST! CAAAAATTTTTTSSS! U UH KAY SHOCKS THE WORLD! U UH KAY SHOCKS THE WORLD! WE FINE-LEE WON US A NAILBITER INSTEAD OF COLLAPSING AT THE END! THIS AINT YOUR GRAMPA’S CATS, THESE HERE IS STOOPS TROOPS AND JARJUH IS SHAKIN IN THEIR BOOTS.

All of the #TopPlays in Saturday's big win are here ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️#GetUp 😺 pic.twitter.com/vkLmZD87Kh

— Kentucky Football (@UKFootball) October 28, 2018

YOU DON’T WANT THESE CATS, YOU JARJUH JUNKYARD DOGS. THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS BOUT TO NEUTER YOU DOGS! (laffs) SNIP THEM DOGS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) MARK STOOPS IS COACH OF THE CENTURY AND BENNY SCHNELL, JOSH ALLEN, AND THAT FAT TIGHT END WHO CAUGHT THE WINNING PASS SHOULD ALL GIT A HEISHMAN TROPHY! (laffs) AND THE WILDCATS WAS SO HAPPY THEY THROWED COACH STOOPS UP THROUGH THE CEILING AND HE FLEW LIKE SUPERMAN ALL THE WAY BACK TO LEXINUN! STOOPS FOR COACH OF THE YEAR, DADGUMMIT! LARRY, U UH KAY ACTUALLY WON A GAME WITH NO TIME ON THE CLOCK. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE AIN’T GOT NO TIME ON THE CLOCK? BOBBY PETRINKO! (laffs) THE VILLE IS THE #1 LAUGHIN STOCK DOORMAT NOBODY IN COLLEGE FOOTBAW!

Y’ALL CARDINAL CONVICTS IS 37 POINT UNDERDOGS TO CLEMSON! (laffs) LARRY, EVEN THE BAD NEWS BEARS WEREN’T NEVER A 37 POINT UNDERDOG. Y’ALL SUCK! AIN’T NOBODY RESPECTS NO MOTOR-SICKLE, NECK BRACE, FOULMOUTH, PLAYBOOK STEALIN BOBBY PETRINKO. GIT HIM OUTTA HERE AND BRING IN JEFF BROHM SO STOOPS CAN START HUMILERATIN HIM TOO! (laffs) THIRTY SEVEN POINT UNDERDOGS! I MEAN, DO THEY THINK Y’ALL IS A POP WARNER TEAM? (laffs) BUT DON’T WORRY, LOSERVILLE. BASKETBAW SEASON IS HERE NOW SO YOU CAN SUCK IN TWO DIFFERENT SPORTS! (laffs) BELLARMINE JUST ABOUT GIVE Y’ALL A BEATDOWN, TOO. (laffs) THE F.B.I. IS COMIN FOR YOU. Y’ALL IS BANKRUPT SO YOU CAINT AFFORD TO GIT RID OF BOBBY PETRINKO. AND THANKSGIVING WEEKEND IS COMIN WHEN STOOPS TROOPS COMIN’ TO TOWN TO GUT YOU LIKE TURKEY. CATS BY A HUNDERD OVER LOSERVILLE FOOTBAW! (laffs)

OUR PLAYERS THROWED STOOPS THROUGH THE ROOF AT MIZZ-UR-UH. AFTER THEY CRUSH LOSERVILLE THEY GONNA THROW STOOPS INTO THE TROPHY CASE SO HE CAN GRAB THAT FRAUD HEISHMAN TROPHY AND GIVE IT TO BENNY SNELL WHO DEE-SERVES IT! (laffs) THE KENTUCKY FOOTBAW TEAM WON SO MANY GREAT GAMES THIS YEAR THAT WE AIN’T GOT NO MORE COUCHES TO BURN! (laffs) AND COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL HAD HIS WOMEN’S CLINIC OVER THE WEEKEND. ALL THESE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT LADIES SHOW UP AND LEARN ABOUT U UH KAY GREATNESS. AND IT AIN’T NOTHIN’ LIKE A U OF SMELL LADIES CLINIC CUZ EVERBODY AT U UH KAY KEEPS THEIR CLOTHES ON. (laffs) OH THESE FUNNY COMEDY JOKES JUST WRITE THEIRSELFS, LARRY! ALL YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, WELFARE QUEEN, CARJACKIN, SMACK TAWKIN, G.E.D. FLUNKIN U OF SMELL CARDINAL CONVICT FANS GOT NOTHIN BUT A RIVER OF TEARS FOR THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC LIVES. (laffs)

ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS GOT ALL WEEK LONG TO TAUNT JARJUH FANS AND GO AFTER THAT MICHERGAN WRITER WHO VOTED US #16 IN THE TOP 25 PO. THE NERVE OF THAT GUY TO DISS U UH KAY! MATT JONES TODE US TO GO ONLINE AND WRITE HORRIBLE REVIEWS ABOUT HIS ROOFING BIDNIZ. (laffs) I JUST WROTE THAT HIS ROOFS IS SO BAD THAT U UH KAY PLAYERS THREW MARK STOOPS UP IN THE AIR AND DISCOVERED THAT THE INSULATION IS REALLY JUST COTTON CANDY! (laffs) HE PROBLEE GOT HIS FRAUD BIDNIZ DEGREE FROM U OF SMELL! (laffs) YOU GOIN DOWN, JARJUH! FARFIT NOW BEFORE YOU GIT THE STOOPS BEATDOWN, YOU BUNCH OF S.E.C. FRAUDS! WE WANT BAMA! WE WANT BAMA! WE WANT BAMA!

THE BEASMAN Halloween
IT’S THE DAY OF THE DEAD, ALSO KNOWN AS U OF SMELL’S FUTURE! (laffs) HAPPY HALLER-WEEN, YOU FRANKENSTEIN FACED, BALD HAIRED, STINKBREATH, CROSS-EYED, TRAITOR TURNCOAT. (laffs) C’MON, LARRY. CAN’T YOU TAKE A LITTLE HALLER-WEEN JOKE? YOU’S A BIGGER CRYBABY THAN BOBBY PETRINKO WHO’S MAKIN’ HIS TEAM FLOP EVER GAME TIL VINCE TIDE POD PAYS HIM HIS $50 MILLION DOLLAR BUYOUT. (laffs)

I LOVE IT! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) LARRY, YOU IDIOT CARDINAL FANS MUST FEEL LIKE YOU’S IN A HALLER-WEEN MONSTER MOVIE EVER DAY WITH ALL YOUR F.B.I. TROUBLES AND SUCKY FOOTBAW AND NOBODY DIVISION TWO BASKETBAW. AIN’T NOBODY SHOWIN UP FOR GAMES. THEY DONE LOST ALL THEIR MONEY IN BAD REAL ESTATE DEALS AND THE NC2A GONNA BRING THE DEATH PENALTY ANY DAY NOW. SO Y’ALL U OF SMELLERS JUST NEED TO LEAVE YOUR HALLER-WEEN DECORATIONS UP ALL THE TIME WHILE U UH KAY FANS SWITCH TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC TOMORRY! (laffs)

IF YOU IS BIG BLUE, YOU FEEL LIKE EVER DAY IS CHRISTMAS! STOOPS TROOPS IS GONNA JACK JAR-JUH’S JAW THIS SAIRDEE AND THEN SHOUT “WE WANT BAMA! WE WANT BAMA!” (laffs) AND COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL IS THE SAVIOR OF U UH KAY BASKETBAW AFTER IT GOT SLIMED UP BY SLICK RICK AND THEN TUBBY DINT KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOIN. BUT COACH CAL IS A HOLY MAN WHO DON’T CHEAT TO GIT ALL THESE ONE-AND-DONES. AND COACH CAL DON’T GO DIDDLE SOME LADY IN A RESTRUNT BOOTH OR HIRE NASTY GIRLS TO SHIMMY OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES IN FRONT OF TEENAGE RECRUITS. NAW, THAT’S LOSERVILLE STUFF.

COACH CAL JUST GOES TO MASS AND THANKS THE FAKE CATHLICK GOD FOR GIVING U UH KAY ALL THE SUPERSTAR PLAYERS WITHOUT HAVING TO PAY THEIR FAMILIES NO MONEY WHATSOVER! THEY JUST COME TO U UH KAY FOR 9 MONTHS OUT OF PURE LOVE FOR THE SCHOOL. (laffs) SO TURN ON THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC, WILDCAT FANS! (sing) FA LA LA LA LAAAA, LA LA LA LAAAA. WE GOT A LOT OF CHRISTMAS PRESENTS TO DELIVER TO NC2A INVESTERGATORS AND THE F.B.I. CUZ WE WANNA KEEP THEM AS BIGTIME CAT FANS! THEM GUYS DOWN IN JARJUH THINK THEY GONNA COME INTO THE KAY-ROGER STADIUM IN LEXINUN AND HUMILERATE THESE WILDCATS.

BUT WE GONNA BLOCK THE HIGHWAY WITH BURNIN COUCHES SO THEIR BUS GITS STOPPED ALL DAY AND THEY CAINT GIT TO THE GAME. (laffs) FARFIT! CHALK IT UP AS ANOTHER PREPERATION H BY STOOPS TROOPS! (laffs) SO TONIGHT FOR HALLERWEEN IN THE RAIN, ME AND MY BUDDIES IS GOIN AS THE U OF SMELL LEADERSHIP TEAM. WE GOT A DUMPSTER ON WHEELS FILLED WITH GASOLINE SO WE’LL BE DRAGGING AROUND THE GIANT LOSERVILLE DUMPSTER FIRE! (laffs) AND IT DON’T MATTER HOW MUCH IT RAINS, WE GOT ENOUGH GAS TO LET IT BURN FOR A CENTURY! (laffs) YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GONNA TAKE AT LEAST A CENTURY? SLICK RICK’S AGENT FINDIN’ HIM A JOB! (laffs)

THAT’S GOTTA BE THE TOUGHEST JOB IN THE WORLD, BEIN SLICK RICK’S AGENT…WELL, EXCEPT FOR THE GUY WHO HAS TO CLEAN UP A RESTRUNT BOOTH AFTER SLICK RICK LEAVES! (laffs) AW LARRY, THE JOKES JUST WRITE THEIRSELFS! (laffs) HAPPY HALLER-WEEN FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE, LOSERVILLE FANS! YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, GOD HATIN, SATAN LOVIN, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS FRAUDS MAKE US CAT FANS HAPPY JUST LAUGHIN AT YOUR DAILY HORROR SHOW. AWWWW C-A-N-D-Y CANDY! CANDY! CANDY!