THE BEASMAN cards pounded by miss state
(laffs) I BEEN A-LAUGHIN ALL LAST NIGHT AND TODAY WATCHING U OF SMELL’S DUMPSTER FIRE TURN INTO A INFERNO! GOVERNOR BLEVINS NEEDS TO DEE-CLARE THE U OF SMELL ATHLETICS DEE-PARTMENT A DISASTER AREA. IN CASE YOU DINT GIT THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER OFF THE TRUCK THAT SMASHED YOUR N.I.T. DREAMS, IT SAID “MISTERSIPPI STATE.” (laffs)

LOOK OUT, CARDINAL BIRDS…HERE COMES ANOTHER SLAM DUNK DOWN ON YOUR POINTY CHEATIN HEADS! LARRY, THE S.E.C. JACKS LITTLE BROTHER’S JAW AND EVERTHANG IS HAP-HA-HAPPY IN BIG BLUE NATION! HOW YOU DOIN, LARRY? I’M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT KILLIN YOURSELF. I FIGGERED LOTS OF CARDINAL CRYBABY FANS WOULD JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE AFTER THAT N.I.T. DISASTER LAST NIGHT BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK Y’ALL ALL WANNA HANG AROUND TO CHEER AGAINST U UH KAY.

(laffs) AIN’T GONNA DO YOU NO GOOD! THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GONNA WIN IT ALL AND THEN SHOVE THAT TROPHY UP IN YOUR UGLY, SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL FACES. Y’ALL TAKE DOWN A BANNER AND U UH KAY PUTS UP A NEW ONE! I LOVE IT! SERIOUS BIDNIZ, LARRY. DO Y’ALL PINHEAD CARDINAL FANS FINALLY UNDERSTAND THAT THE S.E.C. IS WHERE ALL THE GREAT TEAMS PLAY? THE A.C.C. AIN’T NOTHIN BUT A BUNCH OF SWISHY BOY WILDCAT WANNABES.

LARRY, IT’S FINALLY TIME FOR U OF SMELL TO TAKE A HARD LOOK IN THE MIRROR…THAT IS…IF THE MIRROR AIN’T FILLED WITH COCAINE, AND SAY TO YOURSELF “IS IT TIME TO GIVE UP BASKETBAW FOR GOOD?” I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT. THE F.B.I. DONE EXPOSED YOU AS SHOE PIMP CHEATERS. THE NC2A DONE EXPOSED YOUR STRIPPER POLE AND GRANDMA PROSTERTUTES. AND SLICK RICK DONE HAD SEX ON A RESTRUNT TABLE.

LARRY, U OF SMELL BASKETBAW IS LIKE TOYS R US. IT’S TIME TO JUST CLOSE IT UP AND GO OUTTA BIDNIZ FOREVER. Y’ALL TRIED. Y’ALL CHEATED…BUT YOU TRIED. AND NOW IT’S OVER.

YOU DON’T GOTTA GO PAY THAT BALD GUY IN CINCINNAPLISS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO MOVE DOWN HERE AND SAVE YOU. U OF SMELL IS BROKE ANYWAY. SAVE YOURSELF THE TROUBLE, THE MONEY, AND THE SHAME AND JUST DO LIKE TOYS R US… SHUT IT ALL DOWN FOR GOOD. YOU GOT NO RECRUITS FOR NEXT YEAR. YOUR PROGRUM IS THE BUTT OF JOKES. SLICK RICK AND TOMMY TURTLENECK BURNT IT DOWN TO THE GROUND SO THE DECENT THING FOR Y’ALL TO DO IS BURY IT AND JUST LET THE WHOLE STATE CHEER FOR KENTUCKY. COME ON…SAY IT WITH ME. AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

LET BIG BLUE NATION PAINT YOUR CHICKEN BUCKET SO THAT A NICE N.B.A. TEAM FILLED WITH FORMER WILDCATS CAN COME IN HERE AND SHOW Y’ALL WHAT REAL BASKETBAW LOOKS LIKE. (laffs) AND YOU NEED TO REE-TIRE AND LET MATT JONES HAVE YOUR RADIO SHOW SO US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAN GIT ON ALL DAY AND TAWK ABOUT COACH CAL AND HOW HE DON’T CHEAT AND HOW ALL THESE SUPERSTARS COME TO U UH KAY WITHOUT NO SHOE MONEY CUZ THEY JUST LOVE THE CATS. WELL, EXCEPT FOR BAM. HE GOT $48,000 BUT COACH CAL DINT KNOW ABOUT IT. AND NERLENS NOEL ONLY GOT $4,400. THAT’S LUNCH MONEY FOR A N.B.A. STAR LIKE HIM. AND KEVIN KNOX JUST GOT A SAMWICH AND A YOOHOO DRINK. EVERBODY ELSE LIKE JOHN WALL, BOOGIE, ANTHONY DAVIS, KARL ANTHONY TOWNS, AND JULIUS RANDLE…THEY ALL COME HERE FOR FREE CUZ THEY LOVE THE BIG BLUE.

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – HE WENT TO CHURCH TWICE THIS MARNIN TO THANK THE LARD FOR MAKIN LOSERVILLE DIE A PAINFUL DEATH. COACH CAL TODE GOD TO SMITE U OF SMELL FOR BEIN SINNERS AND GOD DONE WHAT COACH CAL SAID. AND SO COACH CAL GONNA GO TO MASS AGAIN TONIGHT TO TELL GOD TO MAKE SURE THAT CRANKY OLD NUN SISTER JEAN GOTTA LOSE ON THURSDEE. IF U UH KAY AND THAT NUN BOTH ADVANCE TO SAIRDEE, COACH CAL DON’T WANT THAT ROTTEN NUN TO PULL RANK AND GIT GOD TO FIX THE GAME FOR HER.

SO CAT FANS…SET BACK, RELAX, AND BE SURE TO MAWK ALL THEM U OF SMELL SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, WELFARE QUEEN, FOULMOUTH, MOUTHBREATHER, DRIVE BY SHOOTIN, SPINELESS, TOOTHLESS, CROSS-EYED, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, GODLESS, BRAINLESS, BEER BREATH CARDINAL CONVICT FANS. TELL ‘EM BLUE GITS IN AND RED IS DEAD. BLUE GITS IN AND RED IS DEAD. BLUE GITS IN AND RED IS DEAD! GO CATS! GO BLUE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!