THE BEASMAN NIT cheers
HEY LAAAAAARRRRREEEEEEE! LARRY MINNER! I BET YOU AND ALL YOUR BRAINLESS, GUTLESS, LOSERVILLE LOSER FRIENDS IS BUCITED ABOUT TONIGHT CUZ Y’ALL IS TAKIN YOUR TALENTS TO THE N.I.T.! DOES EXPN PLAY THAT SONG – (sing) WE’RE COMIN’ TO YOUR CIT-TEEE! BRING MEDIOCRE BASKETBAW TO YOUR CIT-TEE!” (laffs) RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE N.I.T., THE TOURNAMENT OF SHAME, MAKES ALL THE TEAMS PLAY DOWN IN THE BASEMENT OF THE ARENER. IS THAT TRUE? (laffs) SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES WHO CHEAT. THEY GOT TO HIDEAWAY FROM DECENT SOCIETY AND PLAY THEIR NOBODY-WANTS-YOU GAMES OUTTA SIGHT, OUTTA MIND.
WHERE YOU GONNA BE SETTIN, LARRY? I WANNA SET RIGHT NEXT TO YOU AND CHEER FOR MY LITTLE BROTHER LOSERVILLE BUDDIES IN THE BIGTIME N.I.T. (laffs) I PULT A UGLY RED SWEATSHIRT OUTTA THE DUMPSTER AND IT LOOKS LIKE I’M ONE OF Y’ALL CUZ IT GOT BULLET HOLES, BLOOD, AND WHISKEY SPILT ALL OVER IT. (laffs)
SERIOUS BIDNIZ, LARRY! ME AND LOTS OF OTHER KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS BOUGHT US SOME OF THEM CHEAP N.I.T. TICKETS SO WE CAN MAWK Y’ALL CARDINAL BIRDS FOR BEIN LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES! I MEAN, COME ON, EVEN YOUR PLAYERS VOTED AGAINST PLAYIN IN THE N.I.T. BUT BOY PADGETT AND VINCE THE TYRANT MADE ‘EM DO IT. THEY SAID: U OF SMELL AIN’T BEEN SHAMED ENOUGH – LET’S WIN US A N.I.T. BANNER SO SOMEDAY THEY CAN FORCE US TO TAKE IT DOWN, TOO!
THIS IS GONNA BE FUN WATCHIN LOSERVILLE JUST ROLL OVER AND LET NARTHERN KENTUCKY JACK THEIR JAWS! (laffs) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GONNA BE CHEERIN REAL HARD FOR NARTHERN KENTUCKY…I MEAN…THEY GOT KENTUCKY IN THEIR NAME SO THEY GOTTA BE SUPERIOR TO YOUR FLAKY LITTLE STRIPPER POLE FANBOY U OF SMELLERS! (laffs) COME ON, LARRY…LIGHTEN UP! YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIT USED TO THE N.I.T. CUZ THAT’S WHERE Y’ALL GONNA BE FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS WHILE YOU PICK YOURSELF UP OUTTA CHEATER JAIL. LET ME HELP Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS LEARN YOU SOME CHEERS! READY! “N.I.T. N.I.T. – WHERE CHEATERS GO FOR ETERNITY! N.I.T. N.I.T. – WHERE U OF SMELL WILL ALWAYS BE!” (laffs) “WHY ARE CAT FANS FILLED WITH GLEE? CUZ LOSERVILLE’S IN THE N.I.T.!” (laffs) IT’S GONNA BE A BIG NIGHT IN LOSERVILLE WITH ALL THIS N.I.T. PARTYIN. BARS ARE SELLIN ONLY THE CRUMMY BEERS. RESTRUNTS IS SERVING OLD, NASTY FOOD THAT NOBODY WANTS. AND THE ARENER JUMBOTRONS WILL BE SHOWIN HIGHLIGHTS OF THE BIG DANCE CUZ NOBODY WANTS TO WATCH THE BORING N.I.T. BALLGAME PLAYIN DOWN ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF ‘EM. (laffs)
COME ON, LARRY! CHEER UP! IF YOUR UNHAPPY CARDINAL PLAYERS SOMEHOW SLOUCH THEIR WAY TO A VICTREE TONIGHT, THEN Y’ALL GIT TO MEET TENNERSEE STATE, AND THEY GONNA CRUSH Y’ALL LIKE A BUG! BUT BECAUSE YOU’S IN THE N.I.T. YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR GIRLS BASKETBAW TEAM GIT PRIORITY SO Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE ARENER! (laffs)
WOW! THEM LOSERVILLE CARDINAL STRIPPER POLE BOYS IS BIGTIME! I MEAN, FOR BEIN SECOND CLASS CITIZENS! GIT FIRED UP, PEOPLE! IT’S N.I.T. NIGHT IN LOSERVILLE, ALWAYS THE SECOND BEST KIND OF NIGHT TO HAVE! N.I.T. N.I.T. – THAT’S WHERE ALL THE LOSERS BE! (laffs) N.I.T. STANDS FOR “NOT INVITED TOURNAMENT.” LARRY, Y’ALL IS LIKE THE LAST KID ON THE PLAYGROUND NOBODY PICKS TO PLAY DODGEBALL. TOO BAD, SO SAD.
WHY DON’T Y’ALL CHANGE THAT BILLBOARD ON I-64 TO SAY: “U OF SMELL – THE N.I.T. IS MILES AHEAD!” JUST THINK, IF LOSERVILLE SOMEHOW WINS THE N.I.T., THAT WILL MAKE Y’ALL THE #69 BEST TEAM IN AMERICA, WHICH SEEMS SOMEHOW SCANDALOUSLY CORRECT. (laffs) OH, THE JOKES RIGHT THEMSELVES, LITTLE BUDDY. HEY LARRY, WHAT IS LOSERVILLE GONNA DO NEXT TO BE SECOND BEST? START SELLING PLASTIC BASEBALL BATS? TELL THE CHEFS TO SELL COLD BROWNS? MAKE THE KENTUCKY DERBY ONLY FOR SHETLAND PONIES? (laffs) COME ON, LARRY. YOU GOT TO LAUGH AT THESE FUNNY COMEDY JOKES CUZ AT THIS POINT THAT’S ALL Y’ALL LOSERVILLE LOSERS GOT LEFT. I’M ACTUALLY CHEERING FOR LOSERVILLE TO WIN A BUNCH OF N.I.T. GAMES SO YOUR BASKETBAW WALK OF SHAME STRETCHES OUT FOR ALL US CAT FANS TO ENJOY. AWWWWW C-A-R-D-S N.I.T. N.I.T. N.I.T. LITTLE BROTHER CHAMPS-TO-BE!