THE BEASMAN cats footbaw
AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! I JUST STOPPED BY THE FOOTBAW STADIUM TO THINK ABOUT HOW U UH KAY IS BETTER THAN ANY OF THEM SISSY NFL TEAMS PLAYIN THIS WEEKEND. THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS COULD SLAP AROUND TOM BRADY AND HIS PATRIOTICS. AND THAT KANSAS CITY GUY IS FOOL’S GOLD. HE SUCKS. HE’S SO YOUNG HIS MAMA GOTTA BREASTFEED HIM DURIN TIMEOUTS. (laffs)
AND THE RAMS OUGHTA BE CALLED THE SHAMS! THEY COULDN’T HANDLE STOOPS TROOPS DEE-FENSE. TODD WOULD LOOK GIRLIE, ALRIGHT. (laffs) AND DREW BREES IS A PURDUE SISSY. OL JOSH ALLEN COULD BREAK HIM IN HALF AND CARRY HIM TO THE OLD FOLKS HOME WHERE HE BLONGS. (laffs) JUST GIT IN YOUR RECLINER AND EAT YOUR OATMEAL, DREW BREES. YOU’RE A HUNDERD BY NOW! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! I BETCHA THE NFL WISHES THEY COULD JUST HAVE THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS MOVE ON UP TO THE PROS BUT THEY IS PROBLEE SCARED THE CATS WOULD EMBARRASS ALL THE OTHER TEAMS. (laffs)
IT’S GOOD TO BE BLUE, LARRY. TOO BAD YOU WENT TRAITOR TURNCOAT SO NOW ALL YOU GOT IS INVITATIONS TO BE EVERBODY’S HOMECOMING GAME BUNNY! (laffs) HEY, I JUST WANNA REMIND ALL GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FOOTBAW FANS THAT IT’S TIME TO BUY SEASON TICKETS FOR THIS HERE NEXT SEASON. HURRY CUZ THEY IS ALMOST SOLD OUT! YEAH! (laffs) CUZ US WILDCAT FOOTBAW FANS IS LOYAL, EVEN IF MOST YEARS THE STADIUM IS HALF EMPTY. THAT’S CUZ THE PARTY’S SO GOOD OUT IN THE PARKIN LOT WITH DRUNK CAT FANS BREAKIN INTO EACH OTHER’S PICKUP TRUCKS LOOKIN FOR CHAW! (laffs)
SO THE U UH KAY TICKET PEOPLE WANT Y’ALL TO KNOW THAT EVEN WITHOUT NO BINNY SNELL (SNELL YEAH!) AND NOT NO JOSH ALLEN, NEXT SEASON’S STOOPS TROOPS IS GONNA BE THE GREATEST TEAM EVER! (laffs) TERRY TOUCHDOWN IS FINALLY GONNA LEARN HOW TO NOT GIT SACKED EVER TIME AND SO WE GONNA BE BETTER THAN ALABAMMER! SO BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW! THEY IS GOIN FAST! I HEAR TELL THEY SOLD FARDY SEVEN TICKETS YESTERDEE AND SO THERE IS ONLY 66,000 MINUS 47 LEFT TO GO UNTIL THEY IS SOLD OUT! (laffs)
DON’T Y’ALL SNAGGLE TOOTH U OF SMELL CARDINAL CONVICTS MAKE FUN OF NO U UH KAY CUZ Y’ALL SUCK SO BAD THEY IS GIVIN AWAY U OF SMELL FOOTBAW TICKETS LIKE THEY DONE BACK IN THE 70s. WHAT IS THAT NEW U OF SMELL FOOTBAW COACH GOMER PYLE POSED TO SAY TO MOTOR-VATE HIS TEAM? BOYS…TRY TO KEEP IT WITHIN 75 POINTS! (laffs) I LOVE IT! GOMER PYLE BRINGS GOOBER AND THE CAST OF JUSTIFIED TO COACH U OF SMELL TO PLAY MOUNTAIN FOOTBAW. THAT’S WHAT THEY CALL IT CUZ YOU KEEP “MOUNTAIN” UP LOSSES! (laffs) OH I LOVE TELLIN FUNNY COMEDY JOKES ABOUT U OF SMELL!
WELL LARRY, YOU KNOW COACH CAL IS GONNA GO SWEEP RIGHT THROUGH THE REST OF THE S.E.C. AND THEN WIN IT ALL IN MARCH MADNESS CUZ BLUE GITS IN! COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL SAID THE POPE WILL START PRAYIN HIS CATHLICK VOODOO PRAYERS FOR THE CATS AS SOON AS HE FINISHES UP GITTIN THE SAINTS IN THE SUPER BO. YOU BINGO PLAYIN, BEER DRINKIN, CATHLICK FAKE RELIGION PEOPLE CAN APPARENTLY ONLY FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME! BUT AT LEAST I KNOW THE POPE WILL BE PRAYIN REAL HARD THIS FALL FOR NOTRE DAME TO PUT A BEATDOWN ON U OF SMELL FOOTBAW! (laffs)
OH, AND LARRY…US CAT FANS DON’T CARE IF BALDY CHRIS MACK WINS THE REST OF HIS GAMES CUZ IT JUST HELPS U UH KAY’S R.P.I. CUZ WE DONE TRASHED Y’ALL. (laffs) BUT AIN’T NO WAY Y’ALL GONNA WIN TOMORRY. YOU’S PLAYIN IN CAT-LANTA! GO JARJUH TECH! GO JARJUH TECH! GO JARJUH TECH! ANTOHER CAT-LANTA MIRACLE! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! HAPPY MARTIN LUCIOUS KING DAY, LARRY. I HOPE YOU SAY IT WRONG AND GIT FIRED, YOU CROSS-EYED, TWO BIT, USED TO BE A WILDCAT BUT NOW YOU’S A SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO U OF SMELL CARDINAL CONVICT! (laffs) GO CATS! GO BLUE!