THE BEASMAN cats vs hoosiers

SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH MOUTH ABOUT U UH KAY GONNA HAVE TO PLAY THEM NASTY INJIANNER HOOSIER DADDIES. WE AIN’T AFRAID OF NO TOM CREAM AND YOGI THE BEAR. THEM INJIANNER FANS IS A BUNCH OF COURT STORMIN’ LITTLE BROTHERS WHO WISH THEY WAS KENTUCKY. BRING ‘EM ON, DADGUMMIT.

U UH KAY OPENS AGAINST THE STONEYBROOK THEATER USHERS AND INJIANNER GOT CHATTERNOOGA CHOO CHOO. SO WE IS BOTH GONNA WIN. LET’S GO AHEAD AND PLAY A DOUBLEHEADER THURSDEE NIGHT AND GIT IT OVER WITH.

BIG BLUE NATION CAN SEND THEM INJIANNER OLD TIMEY CANDY STRIPER SISSIES PACKIN FOR HOME ON OPENIN NIGHT. U UH KAY GONNA WIN THE WHOLE REGION, DADGUMMIT. XAVIER IS A BUNCH FISH EATIN, GENUFLECTIN, HOLY WATER DRINKIN, STATUE RUBBIN CATHLICK FRAUDS. AND WEST VIRGINNY IS RANKED BETTER THAN US? GIMME A BREAK.

OL BOB THUGGINS CAINT OVERPIRE THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS CUZ WE GOT A WHOLE FRONT LINE FULL OF GUYS WHO IS #1 IN COMMITIN FLAGRANT FOULS SO DON’T TRY TO GO U.F.C. ON US. SPEAKIN OF LETTERS, USC MIGHT AS WELL BE CALLED U.S. SEE-YA-LATER. THEY’S CALLYFARNIA GAY BOYS AND AIN’T GOT A PRAYER, JUST LIKE PROVIDENCE, WHERE SLICK RICK FIRST LEARNT HOW TO CHEAT. THEY HAD ONE GOOD YEAR 30 YEARS AGO AND KEEP GETTING A BID FOR SENTERMENTAL REASONS. AND THE BUSSPOSUBLY #1 SEED IN OUR REGION IS NARTH CARAMALINER. COME ON. LOSERVILLE BEAT THEM SO THEY CAINT BE THAT GOOD. HEY ROY WILLIAMS, WE KNOW YOU IS GOOD AT CHEATIN BUT YOU AINT GONNA BE ABLE TO STOP TYLER ULIS AND JAMAL MURRAY FROM THROWIN YOU IN THE TARHEEL TAR PIT.

Y’ALL BETTER LOSE BEFORE KENTUCKY GITS TO YOU BECAUSE YOU IS GOIN DOWN. SAME GOES FOR WESS-CONSIN. THEM COW-MILKIN WHITE BOYS BETTER LOSE BEFORE U UH KAY GITS A CHANCE TO REE-VENGE LAST YEAR’S TRAGEDY CUZ WE GONNA BLOODY ‘EM UP GOOD. OBAMA SAYS U UH KAY GONNA WIN IT ALL. THE POPE SAYS U UH KAY GONNA WIN IT ALL. AND STEPH CURRY CALLED COACH CAL TO SEE IF HE COULD BACK UP TYLER ULIS BUT CAL SAID WE DON’T NEED NO HELP. AND WE GOT STARS EVERWHERE. ASHLEY JUGGS IS GONNA BE THERE TO BE OUR GOOD LUCK CHARM. THAT GUY FROM COUGARTOWN IS GONNA BE THERE. KIM DAVIS THE QUEER HATIN COUNTY CLERK IS GONNA BE CHEERING FOR KENTUCKY.

AND I BETCHA THAT JENNIFER LAWRENCE PROBLY WISED UP AND IS GONNA SHOW UP WEARING BLUE. SHE’S DONE THROWING UP THEM STUPID L SIGNS FOR YOUR LOSERVILLE WHORE CHASERS. Y’ALL UBER DRIVING, STRIPPER POLE LOVIN NITWITS AIN’T EVEN IN THE SHOW, SO SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE, GAY BOY. YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK BUTEENER SHOULD HEAD TO BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN AND WATCH MARCH MADNESS ON TV. THAT IS IF YOU’RE NOT BUSY WATCHING EXPN’S “OUTSIDE THE LINES” WHERE THEY DONE SAID THREE RECRUITS VERIFIED THAT U OF SMELL IS THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN COLLEGE SPORTS. STICK A FARK IN YOU.

DEATH PENALTY! DEATH PENALTY! SLICK RICK GOIN TO THE LECTRIC CHAIR WHILE COACH CAL GOES TO THE WINNER’S CIRCLE! HASHTAG #TIMEFORNINE TIMEFORNINE TIMEFORNINE! THE CATS IS ON THEIR WAY TO THE NINTH NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS AND ALL THEM 63 OTHER TEAMS IS SHAKIN IN THEIR BOOTS. COACH CAL SAID THERE AIN’T NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT. WELL DADGUMMIT, THE BIG BLUE NATION IS BIGGER THAN A YACHT NOW. WE IS A AIRCRAFT CARRIER, THE U.S.S. WILDCAT, AND WE IS SHOOTIN BALLISTIC MISSILES AT ALL COMERS.

I FEEL SORRY FOR THESE NOBODY STONEYBROOK FOOLS WHO THINK THEY BLONG ON THE FLOOR FOR US THURSDEE NIGHT. TELL STONEYBROOK THEY DON’T NEED A TEAM BUS. THEY NEED A FLEET OF AMBULANCES. AND THEN WE GONNA SMASH THEM ROTTEN INJIANNER HOOSIERS SO BAD THEY’LL BE STORMIN THE PARKIN LOT TO GIT OUT OF THERE BY HALFTIME. IT’S OVER, HOOSIERS. YOU DON’T WANT THESE WILDCATS!

BRING PLENTY OF BANDAGES AND IBUPROFIN. YOU KEEP SAYIN YOU WANT TO PLAY U UH KAY…WELL YOU GOT US, HOOSIER DADDIES! PAY UP YOUR LIFE INSURANCE POLICIES. WE GONNA BURY YOU! CATS CATS CATS! C-A-T-S CATS CATS CATS!