radio script: 4:45 p.m., Friday, March 14, 2014

THE BEASMAN fear the tweak
FEAR THE TWEAK, LARRY! FEAR THE TWEAK! THE ALL-NEW U UH KAY WILDCATS IS GONNA COME OUT THERE IN A LITTLE WHILE AND DOMMERATE WITH THE TWEAK. COACH CAL SAYS WE GONNA SEE THE TWEAK RIGHT AWAY AND WE GONNA BE AMAZED AT HOW SIMPLE BUT GENIUS IT IS. GO BIG BLUE! BEAT THEM L.S.LOSERS. NOW’S WHEN THE REAL FARDY AND OH TEAM SHOWS UP TO BE FARDY AND NINE! COACH CAL DONE TWEAKED THE CATS PERFECT AND NOW WE IS GONNA BEAT LSU WORSE THAN U OF SMELL BEAT THE RUTGERS LAST NIGHT. BUT U OF SMELL IS A FRAUD, LARRY. Y’ALL IS ALL SWOLE UP LIKE A TICK SUCKING BLOOD FROM HAS-BEEN LAND. BUT REALITY GONNA SMASH Y’ALL PURDY SOON AND ALL THAT FAKE “RISE AND REPEAT” TAWK GONNA GO AWAY. U OF SMELL IS OVER-RATED AND SO IS YOUR WHOLE FRAUD LEAGUE. LITTLE MIDGET MICK CRONIN WAS SPITTIN AND CUSSIN ON TV LAST NIGHT JUST TO GIT HIS FRAUD CINCINNAPLISS TEAM TO BEAT HOOTERVILLE COLLEGE. MEMPHIS DONE LOST TO UCONN WHO GOT PUNKED BY THE LOSERVILLE CARDINAL CRIMINALS JUST LAST WEEK – SO Y’ALL IS A LEAGUE OF PHONIES. YOU AIN’T BIGTIME S.E.C. LIKE U UH KAY AND FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE. WE IS THE BEST OF THE BEST, AND THE TWEAK IS GONNA TURN IT ALL AROUND. THEM HARRISON TWINS IS FINALLY GONNA REALIZE THAT THEY GOT 3 OTHER GUYS ON THEIR TEAM THEY CAN PASS IT TO. THAT’S THEIR UPGRADE…MATTER OF FACT, COACH CAL NOW CALLS EM THE HARRISON TWEAKS. AND BIG OL JULIUS TWEAK RANDLE KNOWS HE POSED TO GO UP AND DUNK IT EVEN IF HE’S AT THE TOP OF THE KEY. AND JAMES THE TWEAKER YOUNG DONE BEEN TWEAKED TO GO OUT THERE 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE GAME AND MISS HIS FIRST 25 SHOTS THEN HE’S READY TO START MAKIN EM ALL RIGHT AFTER TIPOFF. AND BIG OL WILLIE TWEAK CAULEY TWEAK STEIN IS NOW WEARING ELEVATOR SHOES SO HE CAN BE 9 FEET TALL. AND COACH CAL SAYS HIS OWN PERSONAL TWEAK IS TO STOP GITTIN TECHNICKER FOULS FOR CUSSIN. HE SAYS IF HE’S GONNA GIT A TECHNICKER FOUL, HE’S GONNA GIT HIS MONEY’S WORTH BY PUNCHING THE REFFERMARIES. I TELL YOU WHAT, LARRY MINNER, THIS HERE TWEAKED U UH KAY TEAM IS PRETTY TWEAKIN GOOD. Y’ALL GONNA SEE IT TONIGHT BECAUSE WE IS PLAYING THE SAME TIME AS U OF SMELL BUT CHECK OUT THE TV RATINGS. THE WHOLE WORLD IS GONNA BE TUNING IN TO SEE THE TWEAK. THEY’S TAWKING ABOUT IT ON CBS, ABC, NBC, FOX NEWS, AND THE WEATHER CHANNEL. THE NEW FORECAST FOR U UH KAY BASKETBAW IS TWEAKIN AWESOME. CATS ALL THE WAY! COACH CAL IS A DADGUM GENIUS. HE SAID HE WAS MAD AT HISSELF FOR NOT THINKING OF THIS SOONER AND THAT HE APOLLER-GIZES TO ALL GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS EVERWHERE FOR NOT THINKING OF IT SOONER. BUT IT’S OK – THE TWEAK IS COMING TONIGHT AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS LOOKING FOR IT MORE THAN THAT LOST AIRPLANE. LARRY, WHEN ARE YOU CARDINAL CRIMINALS GONNA CALL THE N.I.T. AND BEG TO GIT IN? Y’ALL COULD PROBLEE STILL GIT IN THE N.I.T. IF Y’ALL SEND A FRUIT BASKET AND ASK REAL NICE. YOU CARDINAL HAS BEENS DON’T WANT TO BE IN THE REAL NC2A TOURNEYMINT BECAUSE SOONER OR LATER YOU GONNA HAVE TO GIT HUMILERATED BY THE U UH KAY WILD-TWEAKS AND YOU DON’T WANT THAT KIND OF PAIN. SURRENDER NOW, YOU CARDINAL FRAUDS. BUT IF YOU DARE TAKE ON THE TWEAK, THEN YOU GONNA SUFFER THE HARSE CONSER-QUENCES OF DOUBLE LIMMERATION THIS YEAR BY THE GREATEST U UH KAY RECRUITING CLASS EVER….THE TWEAKABLES IS READY TO GO WIN IT ALL! GIT OUT OF THE WAY, YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, CRIMINAL CONVICT, MAKING BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, OBAMA LOVIN, TARC BUS RIDIN, FOULMOUTH, LINEBEARD, CROWN ROYAL DRINKIN, HOME INCARCERATION, METH LAB MAKING, WAL-MART SHOPLIFTING U OF SMELL CARDINAL GAY BOYS. GET OFF MY T.V. AND WARM UP THE BUS FOR THE N.I.T. THIS HERE IS PRETTY-TWEAKIN-AWESOME WILDCAT COUNTRY!
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