The Beasman air date: 10.31.17
BOOOOOOO! BOOOOOO! GLOOOOOOOM & DOOOOOOOM IS ALL AROUND LOSERVILLE, THE LITTLE BROTHER WHO FEARS BIG BOO NATION! (laffs) Y’ALL DON’T NEED NO HAUNTED HOUSE CUZ U OF SMELL IS LIVIN IN IT EVER DAY! ALL THEM SKEERED FACES ON EVER CARNER AS THEY WAIT THE NC2A GRIMMMMMMM REAPER.

GRIM REAPER DONE COME FOR SLICK RICK AND TOMMY TURTLENECK AND NOW HE’S A-COMIN FOR THAT FAKE NEWS CHAMPERCHIP BANNER! TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! (laffs)

THIS HERE IS A SAD HALLER-WEEN FOR YOU, AINT IT LARRY? MEMBER THAT CHARLIE BROWN TV CARTOON WHERE HE GOES TRICK-OR-TREATIN AND EVER TIME HE LOOKS IN HIS BAG HE SAYS “I GOT A ROCK.” THAT’S WHAT YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, RAP MUSIC, MAKING BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK CARDINAL FAN BUDDIES IS GITTIN IN YOUR TRICK-OR-TREAT BAGS…A LUMP OF COAL. OR A STRIPPER POLE. (laffs)

I CAINT HELP BUT LAUGH AT Y’ALL FLATBILL HAT, LINEBEARD, FLABBY ARM TATTOO CARDINAL SCUM. EVER DAY IS HALLER-WEEN IF YOU’S A U OF SMELLER. AIN’T NO JOY IN MUDVILLE! SLICK RICK DONE GOT SENT TO CHEATERVILLE WITH HARVEY WEINSTONE, BERNIE MADOFF, AND BOOMER ESIASON’S RADIO PARTNER. LOSERVILLE OUGHT TO APPLY FOR FEDERAL DISASTER RELIEF LIKE THEM HURRICANE TOWNS DO. MAYBE DA GUMMIT WILL SEND NATIONAL GUARDSMEN HANDIN OUT GIANT BAGS FULL OF HONESTY. OH WAIT, HOW WOULD ANY Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE?

ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS WAS LISSENIN AND LAFFING LAST WEEK WHEN YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND BROKE UP LIVE ON THE RADIO. YOU SAID, “I’LL SEE YOU TOMORRY UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN WHERE WE CAN CUDDLE AND I’LL KEEP TELLIN YOU HOW GREAT YOU IS!” AND THEN SLICK RICK SAID, “NAW, LARRY. STICK A FARK IN US. WE IS SPLITSVILLE. I AIN’T GONNA TALK TO YOU FOR A LONG TIME AND MAYBE NEVER! NOW I’M GOIN ON TINDER TO MEET ME A HANDSOME COACH 3 OR COACH 4!”

MY HEART ALMOST BROKE FOR YOU, LARRY, AFTER ALL THE EGO RUBBIN YOU DONE FOR HIM ALL THESE YEARS. HE JUST FLIPPED YOU THE BIRD LIKE HE DONE TO ALL THE WILDCAT FANS IN RUMP ARENER. AND NOW THAT’S THE LAST VISION WE EVER GONNA HAVE OF SLICK…SHOOTIN US THE BIRD.

AND NOW THE NC2A GONNA SHOOT THE BIRD…THE CARDINAL BIRD RIGHT IN THE HEART AND END IT ALL. SLICK RICK’S WHOLE CARDINAL CAREER GONNA GIT WIPED FROM THE BOOKS CUZ HE BEEN TAKIN SHOE COMPANY MONEY TO GET B-LEVEL RECRUITS. I FEEL BAD FOR YOU, LARRY. YOU TOO UGLY TO FIND A NEW BOYFRIEND AND COACH CAL DON’T WANT YOU CRAWLIN BACK TO U UH KAY. I GOT A LITTLE MISTY-EYED SEEING SLICK RICK WALKIN AWAY. COACH CAL BEAT HIM DOWN SO MANY TIMES IT WAS THE ONLY GUARANTEED VICTREE ON THE CATS SCHEDULE. NOW SLICK JUST SLIPS AWAY TO NOWHERELAND.

HE SAID HE AINT GONNA CALL IN TO YOUR PATHETIC SHOW NO MORE. AND TOMMY TURTLENECK DONE TODE HIS STORY TO DOUGIE PROFFITT ON TV. OH BOO HOO. THEY BOTH SAYS THEY GOT MISTREATERED BY DAVID GRUESOME AND GREG GOIN POSTAL. NOW THEY AIN’T GITTIN THEM FAT PAYCHECKS NO MORE WHILE COACH CAL AND MITCH BARNFART IS STILL MAKING MILLIONS AND DELIVERING RESULTS WITH CLASS. COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL’S BOOSTERS GIVE MONEY TO CHURCHES AND THEN THE PREACHERS SEE TO IT TO GIVE SOME SPECIAL SALVATION DOLLARS TO MAMAS WHO GOT TALL SONS.

THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT LEGAL, LARRY, NOT LETTING THE IDIOT FROM RED BALL SHOES GIT TRICKED BY A FBI AGENT DRESSED UP LIKE WORLD WIDE WES. Y’ALL GOT IN TOO DEEP, LARRY, AND NOW U OF SMELL IS TOAST. HAP-HAP-HAPPY HALLER-WEEN, CAT FANS. TO GIT THE FULL EFFECT, JUST LOOK AT THE HORROR IS CARDINAL FAN EYES. HEY LARRY, WHAT IN THE WORLD Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS GONNA DO FOR THANKSGIVING? YOU GOT NOTHIN TO BE THANKFUL ABOUT CEPT THAT THEM GRAMMAW STRIPPERS IS NOW GIVIN LAP DANCES IN THE RETIREMENT HOME WHERE THEY BLONG!

TOMORRY WE GITTIN OUT THE LADDER TO TAKE DOWN THEM HALLERWEEN DECORATIONS…SO WHILE WE UP THERE, HOW BOUT WE YANK DOWN THAT FAKE BANNER AND BURN IT ON ONE OF THEM COUCHES LEFTOVER FROM THE “WE BEAT TENNERSEE” STREET PARTIES! WE WENT TO KROGER AND ALL WE FOUNT WAS BRUISED ORANGES! TENNESSEE WENT DOWN AND U OF SMELL IS DOWN AND OUT FOREVER! BEST TRICK OR TREAT EVER IN WILDCAT COUNTRY! AWWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!