THE BEASMAN ncaa out to get us again
THE NASHVILLE CATS DONE WON IT ALL AGAIN, DADGUMMIT! WHO ELSE GOT 30 TOURNEYMINT WINS? AINT NOBODY! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! HOW SKEERED IS YOU U OF SMELL OVERMATCHED FRAUDS? I KNOW YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK IS TRYIN TO ACT BRAVE BUT Y’ALL GOIN DOWN AFTER YOU BEAT THAT FIRST RUM DUMMY NOBODY GAME THEY GIVE YOU. BUT LET’S STICK TO THE REAL DEAL SCHOOL…THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS. COACH CAL SAYS THE NC2A IS ALWAYS TRYING TO STICK IT TO US EVER YEAR AND THEY DONE IT AGAIN.

THEM NC2A PEOPLE IS COACH CAL HATERS, THAT’S WHY THEY ALWAYS GIVE US A TOUGH ROAD TO THE FINAL FOUR. AND SINCE THE NC2A HATES COACH CAL, THAT’S ALSO WHY THEY AIN’T GIVE THE DEATH PENALTY TO U OF SMELL FOR STRIPPERGATE. IT’S ALL BECAUSE THEY IS JEALOUS OF COACH CAL. HE BRUNG ALL THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS PLAYERS TO HIS HOUSE LAST NIGHT TO SEE THE BRACKET SHOW AND COACH CAL JUST PUT HIS PURDY FACE IN HIS HANDS WHEN HE SEEN THE NC2A TRY TO BULLY THE CATS BY GIVING US NARTH CARAMALINER AND UCLA AND ALL THEM OTHER TEAMS THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH TO MAKE COACH CAL NERVOUS. WELL, COACH CAL GOES TO MASS EVER DAY AND THE FIRST ROUND IS ON THAT BIG DRUNKEN CATHLICK HOLIDAY CALLED SAINT PATRICK’S DAY, SO BRING IT ON!

I THINK THAT’S A GOOD SIGN THAT COACH CAL’S FAKE CATHLICK GOD MIGHT BE TRYIN TO PROTECT THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS WITH A LITTLE IRISH LUCK. IT DON’T MATTER TO ALL US TRUE BABDIZ WILDCAT FANS CUZ WE KNOW OUR REAL GOD IS GONNA MAKE SURE THE CATS WIN CUZ WE IS THE CATS! THEM NC2A COACH CAL HATERS IS GONNA BE JUST LIKE THE NFL GUY HANDING THE SUPER BO TROPHY TO TOM BRADY AND COACH BELLER-CHICK, THE GUYS THEY HATE. IT’S ALL PART OF THIS MAGICAL YEAR OF ACCEPTING REALITY…THE RICH GIT RICHER. THE DOMMERATORS WIN AGAIN. EVERBODY HATES TRUMP – HE WINS. EVERBODY HATES TOM BRADY – HE WINS. EVERBODY HATES COACH CAL – HE WINS. AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

YOU LOSERVILLE FRAUDS BETTER STAY OUT OF INJINAPLISS CUZ THE WILDCAT FANS DONE SNAPPED UP ALL THE TICKETS AND WE DONE STAFFED ALL THE CONCESSION STANDS. SO IF ANY FILTHY U OF SMELL FAN COMES UP TO ORDER A HOT DOG OR COKE, OUR SPY WORKIN THERE GONNA SPIT IN IT. JUST STAY AWAY, U OF SMELL. YOU DON’T BLONG. YOU IS OVERRATED BECAUSE YOU GOT PUNKED IN THE FIRST ROUND OF THE A.C.C. TOURNEYMINT BY YOUR LORD AND MASTER DUKE. Y’ALL SHOUDA WENT TO THE N.I.T. BUT SLICK RICK STUPIDLY ACCEPTED A BID TO THE BIG DANCE WHERE HE’S TOO WARSHED UP TO MATTER. AND HIS BOY LITTLE PITINO GONNA LOSE HIS FIRST GAME TO MIDDLE TENNERSEE CUZ HE’S WET BEHIND THE EARS AND LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON.

SO LET’S DO THE CITY OF INJINAPLISS A FAVOR AND NOT HAVE THE BLUE FANS AND THE RED FANS MINGLIN TOGETHER UP THERE CUZ YOU KNOW IT’S GONNA END UGLY WITH BEAT UP CARDINAL FANS ALL OVER THE BAR FLOORS. STAY HOME, LOSERVILLE. YOU IS OVERMATCHED, OVERRATED, AND UNDER TALENTED. U OF SMELL’S CHANCE OF WINNIN IS THE SAME AS THE CITY OF LOSERVILLE GOIN ONE NIGHT WITHOUT A SHOOTING. IT JUST CAINT HAPPEN. HANG IT UP, SLICK RICK CUZ YOUR RIVAL COACH CAL GOT THREE THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HAVE: (1) COACH CAL GOT ALL THE MACDONALD ALL-AMERICANS AND YOU GOT ZERO. (2) COACH CAL GOT ALL THE LOVE AND RESPECT FROM BIG BLUE NATION AND YOU GOT ZERO. AND (3) COACH CAL GOT ALL HIS HAIR AND AINT TRYIN TO COVER UP HIS BALD SPOT WITH SHOE POLISH.

FACE IT, SLICK, THE ONLY THING YOU GOT THAT COACH CAL AIN’T GOT IS SCANDALS. WE IS KENTUCKY! GO BIG BLUE! U H KAY IS GOIN TO THE FINAL FOUR AGAIN CUZ MARCUS CAMBY AIN’T WALKIN THRU THAT DOOR! DERRICK ROSE AIN’T WALKING THROUGH THAT DOOR! AND COACH CAL GOES TO MASS EVER DAY SO THE DEVIL AIN’T WALKIN THROUGH THAT DOOR. FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH!

THE BEASMAN bracketology
WHO’S THE CHAMPS OF THE S.E.C.? KENTUCKY! WHO GONNA WIN IT ALL IN MARCH MADNESS? KENTUCKY! WHO GONNA BE NAMED COACH OF THE UNIVERSE? COACH CAL, CAUSE HE DONE PROVED TO THE WORLD THAT THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS THE REAL DEAL, IT’S TIME FOR NINE, AND THE BIG BLUE NATION AIN’T GONNA BE DENIED! LARRY MINNER, ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS IS PACKIN UP OUR PICKUP TRUCKS TO HEAD TO INJINAPLISS, BUT WE GONNA MAKE A PEE STOP IN LOSERVILLE WHEN WE PEE ON THE SIDE OF THE YUM! YUM! CENTER AND SOMEBODY SPRAYPAINTS “GO BIG BLUE” RIGHT ON THAT UGLY CARDINAL’S BEAK! I LOVE IT.

LOOK AT THEM BRACKETS, LARRY. YOU GOT ‘EM IN FRONT OF YOU? JUST TELL ME WHO GOT A CHANCE TO BEAT THE WILDCATS? NOBODY! EVERBODY GOIN’ “LOOK OUT FOR WICHITA STATE!” THEY SUCK. THEY’S SO OVERRATED! I BETCHA THESE LITTLE NARTHERN KENTUCKY UNICARNS WOULD BEAT HALF THE TEAMS IN OUR BRACKET CUZ HALF THEIR NAME IS KENTUCKY! COURSE WE GONNA HAVE TO STOMP THE SNOT OUT OF NARTHERN KENTUCKY JUST TO LET THE REST OF THE FIELD KNOW THESE HERE CATS IS PRIMED FOR RUNNIN THE TABLE! AND SO THE 2ND GAME AGAINST THE SHOCKERS AIN’T GONNA BE NO SHOCK TO U UH KAY FANS. WE GONNA RIP THEIR LIPS OFF AND SEND ‘EM BACK TO KANSAS LOOKIN LIKE THE WIZARD OF OZ SCARECROW AFTER THEM FLYIN MONKEYS JACKED HIS JAW.

THEN COMES PROLLEE U.C.L.A. FOR A RE-MATCH THEY DON’T WANT TO HAVE. DON’T THINK US CAT FANS FORGOT ABOUT THEM LONG HAIR LOS ANGELES LONZO BALL HOLLYWOOD SISSY BOYS! THEY DISRESPECTED THE CATS IN RUPP AND PAYBACKS IS HADES! THEN BRING ON NARTH CARAMALINER! WE DONE WHOOPED ‘EM ONCE AND SO LET’S DOUBLE DOWN ON THE PAIN TRAIN FOR THEM CHEATIN FAKE SCHOOL TURD HEELS. OF COURSE SOME CLOWNS IS SAYIN LITTLE PITINO’S MINNERSOTA FRAUDS COULD KNOCK OFF A FEW TEAMS AND GIT TO PLAY KENTUCKY.

WHAT A JOKE! LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHIN, THE ONLY CHANCE LITTLE BOY PITINO WOULD EVER GIT TO PLAY THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS IF MITCH BARNHART FIRED COACH CAL TONIGHT AND IMMEDIATELY HIRED SLICK RICK BACK FOR TWICE THE MONEY. AND THEN SLICK WOULD CHANGE THE WILDCAT JERSEYS TO RED AND BRING OLD GRANDMA STRIPPERS TO PERFORM AT ALL U UH KAY HOME GAMES. IF ALL THAT HAPPENS, THEN LITTLE BOY PITINO HAS A SHOT TO PLAY THE GOOD AND CLASSY CATS…WHICH IS ZERO! LITTLE BOY PITINO GONNA LOSE HIS FIRST GAME THIS WEEK TO DADGUM MIDDLE TENNERSEE. WRITE IT DOWN. #12 BEATS A #5, AND LITTLE BOY PITINO GOES CRYIN BACK TO MINNERSOTA JUST LIKE TUBBY AND CLEM EDDIE HASKELL AND ALL THEM OTHER WILDCAT WANNABES DONE.

THE CATS IS GONNA WIN IN INDY AND PAINT THE TOWN BLUE. Y’ALL LOSERVILLE SUCKERS CAN TRY TO GIT IN BUT BIG BLUE NATION DONE BOUGHT UP ALL THE TICKETS. IF Y’ALL WANT ‘EM THEN YOU GONNA HAVE TO PAY TRIPLE, AND NOT WITH NO WRINKLY STRIPPER DOLLAR BILLS. AND WHEN I SAID WRINKLY I MEANT BOTH THE DOLLARS AND THE STRIPPERS. LARRY, YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK IS GONNA HAVE ONE BIG CELERBRATION THIS WEEK, BEING THE OPENING ACT FOR U UH KAY ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON. AND I TELL YOU WHAT, Y’ALL GONNA BEAT NOBODY JACKSONVILLE CUZ THEY SUCK JUST LIKE THEIR N.F.L. TEAM SO THEY AIN’T GOT A CHANCE.

BUT AFTER FRIDAY, IT’S OVER FOR YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, OBAMA PHONE, MAKING BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, FOOD STAMP CASHIN CARDINALS. EITHER MICHERGAN OR OKLAHOMO STATE GONNA DASH YOUR CARDINAL DREAMS CUZ Y’ALL SHOOT FREE THROWS LIKE RAY CHARLES. WHY DON’T SLICK RICK MAKE ‘EM PRACTICE FREE THROWS? IS THEY AFRAID TO STAND STILL CUZ THEY WORRY THE N.C.2.A GONNA HAND EM A SUBPOENA TO TESTERFY? SOMEBODY TODE ME WHEN A U OF SMELLER IS TODE TO STAND STILL IN ONE SPOT HE INSTINCTIVELY SAYS “NOT GUILTY, YOUR HONOR!”

IT’S OVER FOR YOU CARDINAL BIRDS…Y’ALL IS DUKE’S BEE-OTCH ONCE AGAIN. YOU KNEW U OF SMELL WAS GONNA LOSE BEFORE THE GAME STARTED CUZ SLICK RICK FLOPPED DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. COME ON, BIG BLUE NATION! GAS UP YOUR TRUCKS AND LET’S GO TO INDY! AND MAKE SURE YOU THROW YOUR GARBAGE OUT THE WINDERS WHEN YOU DRIVE THRU LOSERVILLE! THEY’LL CONSIDER IT A BEAUTIFICATION UPGRADE! GO CATS! GO BLUE! TIME FOR NINE! TIME FOR NINE! TIME FOR NINE! AND THERE AIN’T NO WHITE BOYS FROM WESS-CONSIN OR INJIANNER STANDING IN OUR WAY! GO CATS! COACH CAL SAYS AIN’T NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT, AND AIN’T NO DENYIN #9! TIME FOR NINE! TIME FOR NINE! TIME FOR NINE!