On the day that a chastened Bobby Petrino was introduced as the reborn head coach of the University of Louisville football team, Rick Pitino’s basketball team lost a critically important game at home against Memphis.

The overly excited UK zealot The Beasman couldn’t wait to call my radio show the next day. His transcript is printed below.

THE BEASMAN memphis loss

(LAFF) THE LOSERVILLE CARDINALS: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. DID SOMEBODY DUMP A GATORADE JUG FULL OF STUPID OVER TOM JURICH? WHAT’S HE DOIN BRINGIN THAT SNAKE IN THE GRASS BACK TO COACH YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM? WHAT Y’ALL POSED TO DO, JUST LOCK UP YOUR WIFES AND DAUGHTERS UNTIL FOOTBAW SEASON STARTS? I SEEN HOW BOBBY PETRINO CRIED A LITTLE BIT DURING HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH. HE WAS CRYING BECAUSE IT JUST DAWNED ON HIM HE WAS WORKING AT U OF SMELL, WHICH MEANS HE FINALLY HIT ROCK BOTTOM! I DINT EVEN GO TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD AT ALL YOUR U OF SMELL STUPIDITY. IS Y’ALL GONNA CHANGE YOUR SCHOOL FIGHT SONG TO HANK WILLIAMS “YOUR CHEATING HEART?” WHO YOU GONNA HIRE NEXT IF HE DON’T WORK OUT, RON JEREMY OR CHARLIE SHEEN? WINNING! HOW IS BOBBY PETRINO GONNA KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE WHEN IT’S TIME TO ANNOUNCE THE WOMEN’S FOOTBAW CAMP? HE CAINT GO, HE’S GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST BEING AROUND OTHER MEN’S LADIES. WELL LARRY…I GUESS SINCE Y’ALL CARDINAL CONVICTS IS ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS AND ACCEPTANCE, WHAT DAY IS YOU GONNA ANNOUNCE THAT CHANE BOHANNA IS COMING BACK? YOU SURE COULDA USED HIM IN THAT EMBARASSING LOSS TO MEMPHIS LAST NIGHT. I LOVE IT! WHEN IT AINT U UH KAY BEATING YOUR LITTLE CARDINAL PINHEADS, IT’S ANOTHER TEAM IN BLUE. AND EVEN BETTER, IT’S COACH CAL’S LAST SCHOOL THAT PUNKED YOU LAST NIGHT. WAY TO GO, MEMPHIS. COACH CAL DONE BUILT EM UP AND NOW THEY IS STILL USING HIS WISDOM TO BEAT THE LITTLE BROTHER CARDINAL FRAUDS. COACH CAL BEAT Y’ALL AGAIN. I BET Y’ALL IS RELIEVED THAT YOU DON’T GOT TO PLAY UMASS NEXT OR ANYBODY ON COACH CAL’S RESUME. SPEAKING OF RESUMES, WHO WROTE BOBBY PETRINO’S, GEORGE O’LEARY? OH, THAT’S ANOTHER SORE SUBJECT BECAUSE LYIN’ GEORGE DONE RUINT U OF SMELL’S PERFECT SEASON WHEN LITTLE BITTY CENTRAL FLORIDER CRUSHED YOUR B.C.S. DREAMS. AND NOW SLICK RICK CAINT BEAT NO GOOD TEAMS BECAUSE U UH KAY, NARTH CARAMALINER, AND NOW LITTLE MEMPHIS GIVE YOU A BEATDOWN AT HOME. NO WONDER SO MANY GOOD CLASSY U UH KAY FANS STILL GOT OUR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP; Y’ALL KEEP GIVING US PRESENTS EVER TIME YOU FAIL. HEY LARRY, TELL TOM JURICH I WENT AHEAD AND DONE HIM A FAVOR. I ORDERED A CONSTRUCTION CREW TO PUT UP BOB WIRE ALL AROUND THE GIRL VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS DORM TO KEEP BOBBY AWAY. I LOVE IT! THEM SILOS OUGHT TO SAY “ADULTERY U.” AND Y’ALL DINT EVEN HAVE THE NERVE TO INNERDUCE BOBBY PETRINKO TO YOUR BASKETBAW CROWD LAST NIGHT BECAUSE YOU KNOW ABOUT HALF THE PLACE IS CLOSET U UH KAY FANS WHO WOULDA BOOED LIKE THEY WAS INNERDUCING SADDAM HUSSEIN. HOW DID YOU GIT HIM IN AND OUT OF THE ARENER, INSIDE THE CARDINAL BIRD SUIT? OR DID HE JUST SAG HIS PANTS AND HOLD A RAP MUSIC BOOMBOX UP TO HIS HEAD SO HE BLENDED IN WITH THE REST OF YOUR FANS? POOR LITTLE BROTHER. CAINT WIN NO BASKETBAW GAMES AGAINST REAL TEAMS SO YOU JUST GONNA PLAY YOUR LITTLE CUPCAKE OPPONENTS AND TRY TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU GOT A GOOD RECORD. HERE’S A WORD YOU DEFENDING NATIONAL CHAMPEENS BETTER GIT USED TO: BUBBLE! I AINT TAWKING ABOUT GASSING WHILE YOU’S IN THE BATHTUB. NAW, THIS HERE MEANS YOU’S ON THE BUBBLE FOR THE NC2A TOURNEYMINT. I DON’T THINK YOU’S GONNA GIT IN. SO ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS IS GONNA START THE THREE LETTER CHANT THAT Y’ALL FEAR. N-I-T. N-I-T. N-I-T. IT’S KARMA. Y’ALL DONE LAID DOWN WITH THE DEVIL BY HIRING A SLEAZY FOOTBAW COACH AND SO NOW IT’S ALL COMING BACK ON YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS WEARING, FOOD STAMP CASHING, OBAMA LOVING, TARC BUS RIDING, RAP MUSIC PLAYIN, NECK TATTOO, BACKWARDS HAT, BLING BLING, CROWN ROYAL DRINKIN, GANG BANG, MARIJUANA SMOKIN, MAKING BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, NEVER GOING TO CHURCH, FILTHY DIRTY CARDINAL BIRDS. YOU BEEN SERVED, LARRY MINNER. THE YEAR OF THE CARDINAL DONE TURNT INTO THE “TOMMY TURTLENECK TORNADO OF TROUBLE.” N-I-T. N-I-T. N-I-T. N-I-T.