Many people ask about “The Beasman” sketch on my radio show. Yes, it is loosely based on former University of Kentucky basketball coach Joe B. Hall, who is a true gentleman in real life. Joe and I have laughed about the sketch over the years and he knows that the character is a complete exaggeration of an overzealous fan. That’s the crux of the long running sketch — a reflection of the constant sniping between University of Kentucky fans with a condescending attitude toward their “little brothers” at the University of Louisville.

Here’s the script for Friday, October 25, 2013

THE BEASMAN obsession 10-25-13

DADGUM YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH U OF SMELL CARDINAL LYIN HYPOCRITE LEADERS, LARRY MINNER. SLICK RICK AND TOMMY TURTLENECK JURICH MAKE ME SICK WITH ALL THEIR LIES. LAST WEEK WE HEAR THAT U OF SMELL PLAYER SHANE BOHANNON IS GONE AND AINT NEVER COMING BACK. NOW SLICK RICK SAYS HE’S COMING BACK TOMORRY OR THE NEXT DAY. PITINO FLIP FLOPS AROUND LIKE A FISH ON A BOAT DOCK. AND THEN BIG OL CLINT HURTT LIES TO THE NC2A BUT TOMMY TURTLENECK DON’T FIRE HIM WHEN BEFORE HE SAID HE WOULD FIRE HIM IF HE LIED…AND HE LIED. FLIP FLOPPIN U OF SMELLERS AGAIN! YOU KNOW, LARRY, WE IS U UH KAY FANS BUT WE OBSESS ABOUT WHAT U OF SMELL IS DOING. WE CAINT HELP IT, LARRY. U OF SMELL LIVES IN OUR HEADS, DADGUMMIT. LAST NIGHT ON THE TWITTER, ALL OUR U UH KAY LEADERS LIKE MATT JONES WAS WAILING ABOUT U OF SMELL EVEN WHILE U UH KAY WAS PLAYING A FOOTBAW GAME. AND TO U UH KAY FANS, THAT MAKES SENSE. WE THINK ABOUT U OF SMELL ALL THE TIME, EVEN WHEN OUR FOOTBAW TEAM IS PLAYIN. ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS KNOW WE CAINT GIT UPSET ABOUT LOSING NO FOOTBAW GAME TO MISTERSIPPI STATE AND WE CAINT GIT NERVOUS ABOUT WHETHER MICHERGAN STATE GONNA BEAT OUR BASKETBAW TEAM EARLY AND RUIN COACH CAL’S FARDY AND OH SEASON. NAW. U OF SMELL IS IN OUR MINDS ALL THE TIME SINCE WE’S KENTUCKY FANS. JOB #1 IS OBSESSING ON LOSERVILLE. Y’ALL WINNING THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIP IS LIKE RED CANCER IN OUR BIG BLUE HEADS. ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS BEEN CRABBY SINCE U OF SMELL WON IT ALL. YOU CARDINAL CRIMINALS IS DRIVING US CRAZY, LARRY MINNER. WE IS THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS AND YOU SHOULDN’T MESS WITH OUR POINTY BLUE HEADS! HOW COME SLICK RICK SAYS CHANE BOHANNA IS GONE FOR GOOD AND THEN WE HEAR HIM SAY HE’S COMING BACK SOON? DADGUMMIT, THAT RUINS OUR BIG BLUE THEORY THAT SLICK RICK WAS GONNA KEEP CHANE BOHANNA OUT UNTIL AFTER Y’ALL PLAY U UH KAY SO AFTER YOU LOSE TO THE CATS PITINO WOULDA BLAMED IT ON NO CHANE PLAYIN. MATT JONES SAID THAT WAS SLICK RICK’S DASTARDLY PLAN BUT IT AINT SO THAT MEANS MATT JONES IS WRONG. AND MATT JONES CALLED SLICK RICK A LIAR AND TOMMY JURICH A LIAR AND A HIPPERCRITE FOR LETTING THAT FOOTBAW COACH STAY. AND THAT’S WHY WE LOVE MATT JONES BECAUSE US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS OBSESS ON LOSERVILLE ALL THE TIME INSTEAD OF FOCUSSING ON OUR BIG BLUE DIVISION TWO FOOTBAW PROGRUM AND OUR BASKETBAW TEAM THAT GOT CORNHOLED BY ROBERT MORRIS IN THE N.I.T. MATT JONES IS OUR LEADER. HE QUIT HIS LAW PRACTICE TO BECOME A DISC JOCKEY SO HE’S OBVIOUSLY INTELLERGENT. MATT JONES WON’T LET US CAT FANS FOCUS ON OUR TEAM…HE SAYS WE GOTTA LIVE TO HATE LOSERVILLE, WHICH IS GOOD AND CLASSY. U UH KAY FANS IS REALLY U OF SMELL STALKERS LIKE LITTLE GIRLS HIDING IN JUSTIN BREEBERS BUSHES. CAT FANS WATCH EVER U OF SMELL MOVE AND FILL OUR BRAINS WITH LOSERVILLE HATE BECAUSE THERE AINT NO MORE FREE PRACTICE FOR US TO SLEEP ON THE SIDEWALK FOR. SO ALL WE CAN DO IS WORRY ABOUT WHAT U OF SMELL IS DOING. OH, AND I TELL YOU WHAT, I’M GLAD MY INNERNET AINT BEEN WORKING FOR A FEW DAYS BECAUSE I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SEND A EMAIL TO TOM JURICH. I DINT KNOW YOU COULD GO TO PRISON FOR THAT LIKE THAT FELLER WHO SAID U OF SMELL WAS POINT SHAVING. DADGUMMIT, THE FBI WEREN’T GONNA BE FOOLED BY THAT DUMMY. EVERBODY KNOWS THAT U UH KAY IS THE KINGS OF POINT SHAVING; AINT NO OTHER SCHOOLS ALLOWED TO DO THAT. WE GOT THE COPYRIGHT ON THAT IDEAL. ANYHOW, I’M GLAD I DIDN’T SEND THAT EMAIL TO TOM JURICH CUZ I WROTE A DEMAND FOR $5 MILLION DOLLARS OR ELSE I WAS GONNA TELL THE WORLD THAT HE WEARS A TOUPEE. I BETCHA HE WOULDA PAID THAT ONE. BUT THEN, I GUESS U OF SMELL HAS THE FBI HANGING AROUND ANYWAYS. THEY KNOW ALL THE CRIMINALS ON THEIR FBI MOST WANTED LIST ARE IN THE STANDS AT EVER U OF SMELL GAME. THAT’S WHY WHEN YOU WALK INTO A U OF SMELL GAME THEY SCAN YOUR TICKET AND THEN THEY SCAN YOUR FACE TO SEE HOW MANY CRIMES YOU COMMITTED. I HEAR IT’S A TWO-FELONY MINIMUM TO GIT IN. HEY TOM JURICH, JUST HIT DELETE ON THAT EMAIL I SENT YESTERDEE. THAT’S THE ONE WHERE I WANTED $3 MILLION OR ELSE I WAS GONNA TELL PAPA JOHN THAT YOU ARDERED DOMINOES AT YOUR HOUSE. HOW DO I KNOW? BILLY CLYDE WAS YOUR DELIVERY BOY.