THE BEASMAN blackshear goes to Florida
HEY LARRRRRREEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs) I HEARED YOU PLAYIN THAT TURRIBLE RAP MUSIC ON THE RADIO TAWKIN BOUT HOW U OF SMELL STILL GOT THEIR CHAMPERCHIPS RING! HOW STUPID IS THAT? (laffs) Y’ALL DINT WIN, YOU BIG RUM DUMMIES. (laffs) THE NC2A DONE YANKED DOWN THAT BANNER AND CHASED SLICK RICK OUTTA TOWN! Y’ALL JUST TRICKIN YOUR SELFS THANKIN YOU IS THE CHAMPEENS. NAW, YOU IS CHEATIN, STRIPPER POLE, NASTY GIRL LOVIN, PAYIN OFF RECRUIT DADDIES, NECK TATTOO, CARDINAL LOSERS. (laffs) OWN IT, LARRY! OWN IT! (laffs) OHHHHH…AND DID YOU SEE WHO WOUNT UP WINNING THE COLLEGE WORLD SERIES? THE GOOD CHRISTIAN SMART BOYS FROM VANDERSMELT! S.E.C.! S.E.C.! S.E.C.! (laffs) YEAH…OLD LOSERVILLE TRIED TO CUSS ‘EM OUT OF THE WORLD SERIES WHEN YOUR LOSERVILLE PITCHER KEPT HOLLERIN ‘F-YOU, VANDERSMELT! F-YOU! WE IS THE CARDINAL BIRDS AND WE IS F-ING SUPERSTARS! (laffs) AND OL VANDERSMELT WHOOPED LOSERVILLE AND MADE Y’ALL LOOKED LIKE SEWER MOUTH TRAILER TRASH LOSERS…ALL TAWK AND NO ACTION. I LOVED IT! (laffs) WAY TO GO VANDERSMELT! CLASS BEATS TRASH EVER TIME! VANDERSMELT IS FINE UPSTANDING YOUNG MEN WHO DON’T NEVER CUSS OR CALL OTHER TEAMS HOBOSEXUALS. NAW! JUST U OF SMELL IS THE FOULMOUTH TRASH SCHOOL AND E.S.P.N. KEPT ON SHOWIN IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER! IT WAS MY FAVORITE HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR! CLEAN CUT, ALL-AMERICAN VANDERSMELT OVERPIRES FILTHY, NECK TATTOO, FAKE CHRISTIAN CARDINAL BIRDS WHO KNEEL DOWN TO PRAY ON THE FIELD AND THEN GIT UP AND HOLLER ‘F-YOU’ AT THE OTHER TEAM, THEIR MAMAS, AND EVEN LITTLE KIDS IN THE STANDS. Y’ALL LOSERVILLE CARDINALS AIN’T GOT NO CLASS, LARRY MINNER! SO LET’S JUST ENJOY THE SUMMER AND WAIT FOR FOOTBAW TO START WHEN NOTRE DAME PUTS A BEATDOWN ON U OF SMELL TO MAKE BIG BLUE NATION HAPPY RIGHT OFF THE JUMP! (laffs) ALL I GOT TO DO THIS SUMMER IS STUFF ENVERLOPES FOR THE SENATOR MATT JONES CAMPAIGN TO BEAT SNITCH MCCONNELL. GO MATT JONES! GO MATT JONES! HE’S THE ONLY DOOKIE US CAT FANS LOVE! DADGUMMIT, ON LAST NIGHT’S DEE-BATE, THEY ALL MADE FUN OF SNITCH MCCONNELL BUT NONE OF THEM RUM DUMMY DEMMER-CRATS SAID “ELECT MATT JONES!” THAT’S WHAT THEY NEED TO DO…TAWK UP MATT JONES ON TONIGHT’S DEE-BATE. SNITCH MCCONNELL IS A DADGUM U OF SMELL FAN SO US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS DON’T WANT HIM REPPERSENTIN BIG BLUE NATION! WE WANT MATT JONES! WATCH TONIGHT CUZ I BET CRAZY BERNIE SANDERS IS GONNA DEE-MAND FREE U UH KAY TICKETS FOR EVERBODY AND MATT JONES FOR SENATOR! THE DEBATE CROWD WILL GO CRAZY! (laffs) ALL YOU FILTHY U OF SMELLERS IS CONVICTS SO YOU AIN’T ALLOWED TO VOTE ANYHOW. AND DON’T Y’ALL CARDINAL BASKETBAW LOSERS BE TEASIN NO CAT FANS ABOUT KERRY BLACKSHEAR GOIN TO FLORIDA INSTEAD OF U UH KAY. HE SUCKS! WE NEVER REALLY WANTED HIM ANYWAY. HE’S A LOSER! COACH CAL WAS JUST KIDDIN WHEN HE SAID HE WANTED HIM. COACH CAL DONE GOT THREE MORE WILDCATS IN THE NBA SO THAT’S WHY REAL STARS STILL COME TO U UH KAY. THAT’S WHY COACH CAL CHASED HIS OWN SON BRAD CALIPARI OUTTA TOWN CUZ HE SUCKS, TOO. COACH CAL AND MISSES COACH CAL TODE THEIR SON BRAD TO GO TO THE OTHER GREAT DIVISION ONE TEAM IN KENTUCKY SO WATCH FOR HIM TO SHOW UP AT BELLARMINE ANY DAY NOW! (laffs) YOU SUCK, LOSERVILLE! KEEP CUSSIN OUT OTHER TEAMS TO INSPIRE THEM TO WIN NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS! WE’LL TAKE ALL THE CUSS WORDS YOU CAN THROW AT US! (laffs) I’LL SEND YOU SOME IRISH SPRING COO-PONS SO YOU CAN KEEP WARSHIN YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!