–radio script–June 2, 2014–

THE BEASMAN baseball
DO Y’ALL PLAY BASEBAW OR IS IT MMA MUD WRASSLIN? WHY DO THE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCATS GOTTA GO TO GHETTOVILLE AND PLAY BASEBAW IN THE HORRIBLE RAIN PLUS TOLERATE CARDINAL THUGGINESS? THE YANKEES DON’T GO PLAY AT SOME LITTLE LEAGUE FIELD…WHY DOES U UH KAY GOTTA GO SLUMMIN? Y’ALL DON’T LET OUR SUPERSTAR GIT NO HITS BECAUSE YOU CHEAT BY PUTTIN YOUR PLAYERS IN THE WRONG SPOTS. THAT SHARTSTOP WAS PLAYING SECOND PLACE WHEN HE CHEATED A.J. REED OUT OF HIS LAST HIT. CHEATERS! AND THE U OF SMELL GUY TRIES A CHOP BLOCK ON THE POOR U UH KAY CATCHER BUT AINT NO PENALTY. THUGS! LATER ON THE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT IS JUST TRYING TO GIT TO HOME PLATE BUT THE CARDINAL RUM DUMMY IS STANDIN IN HIS WAY SO HE BUMPS SHOULDERS AND THEN THE REFFERMARIE THROWS THE WILDCAT OUT OF THE GAME. AINT NO HOME COOKIN THERE, RIGHT LARRY? BUT I AINT GONNA SQUAWK OVER THIS BUNCH OF NOTHIN. BIG WHOOPTY DO…U OF SMELL GOT THEM UMPIRES TO LET Y’ALL FINALLY BEAT U UH KAY AT SOMETHIN. IF COACH CAL WAS IN CHARGE OF BIG BLUE BASEBAW THEN THE CATS WOULDA BEAT THEM FILTHY, BALKIN, DIRTY PLAYING, SLIDING INTO KNEECAP CARDINAL THUGS BY FARDY AND OH. BUT NAWWWW, U UH KAY HAD TO COME INTO THE LITTLE BROTHER PIGPEN NEXT TO THE SILOS WHERE Y’ALL HIDE ALL YOUR NC2A VIOLATION LETTERS. AND YOUR FANS IS TOO STUPID TO COME IN OUTTA THE RAIN BECAUSE THEY DRINK ALCOHOL, GIVE EACH OTHER HICKEYS, AND HOOK UP WITH STRANGERS IN THE STANDS BETWEEN THE INNINGS. YOU PEOPLE ARE SO PATHETIC, TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT BASEBAW WHEN REALLY YOU JUST CARE THAT YOU BEAT THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS. SO STOP YOUR SMIRKING, YOU BALD HAIRED FAIR WEATHER FAN. QUIT TAWKING ABOUT THE RAIN AND LIGHTNING BEING THE REASON FOR SO MANY EMPTY SEATS AT U OF SMELL STADIUM. DADGUMMIT, NIGHTTIME IN LOSERVILLE IS WHEN ALL YOUR CRIMINAL FANS GO TO WORK ROBBIN PEOPLE AND PUNCHIN GRAMPAS IN THE MOUTH…THEY AIN’T GOT TIME TO SET AROUND WATCHIN THE CARDINAL NOBODY BASEBAW LITTLE BROTHERS PLAY IN THE RAIN.

AND I DON’T CARE THAT YOU GIT TO KEEP PLAYING NEXT WEEKEND. COACH CAL AND COACH STOOPS IS MAKING PLANS TO KNOCK THEM SMIRKS OFF ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL FACES WHEN THE BIG BLUE PUTS A BEATDOWN ON BOBBY PE-FINKO AND SLICK RICK BUTEENER IN THE ONLY TWO SPARTS THAT MATTER, EXPECIALLY BASKETBAW. YOU SAD LITTLE BROTHERS AINT NOTHIN BUT WILDCAT WANNABES, TRYING TO ACT BIGTIME WITH AN ARENER Y’ALL CAINT PAY FOR AND A WARSHED UP BASKETBAW COACH WHO GOTTA SEE COACH CAL OUT-RECRUIT HIM YEAR IN AND YEAR OUT. SO JUST TRY AND ACT LIKE BASEBAW MATTERS BECAUSE OVER IN LEXINUN WE IS GITTING READY FOR THIS FALL. WE GONNA BEAT YOUR STINKBREATH CARDINAL CRYBABIES IN FOOTBAW RIGHT THERE IN YOUR PIZZA OVEN FOOTBAW STADIUM AND THEN A COUPLE WEEKS LATER COACH CAL GONNA SMACK SLICK RICK UPSIDE THE HEAD IN THE FORECLOSURE CHICKEN BUCKET DEADBEAT ARENER. SO HAVE YOUR FUN NOW, YOU BUNCH OF NECK TATTOO, SAGGY PANTS, LINEBEARD, ROYAL CROWN DRINKIN, FOULMOUTH, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, TARC BUS RIDIN, NICK BURDI TURDY, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, GRAMPA PUNCHIN, TEENAGE CRIMINAL, CRIME RIDDEN, GRAFFITI PAINTIN, ATHEIST, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, TRICK SLEEVE WEARIN, WILDCAT WANNABE FRAUD LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES. YOU SUCK. I’M STILL TRUE BLUE, EVER DAY IN EVER WAY. AND ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS DON’T KNOW WHO YOU IS PLAYIN NEXT BUT WE IS PULLIN FOR ‘EM. GO WHOEVER – BEAT THAT VILLE SO THEY’LL SHUT THEIR CAKE HOLES TIL FOOTBAW. GO CATS!