UK and UofL played the opening of a best-of-three series while I was prepping to go on the radio so I had to write a script for either outcome. Here's the audio we used following U of L's 5-2 victory in game one. THE BEASMAN after UK baseball victory AWWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! HOW BOUT THEM KENTUCKY WILDCATS, YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH SORE LOSER CARDINAL CRYBABY TRAITOR TURNCOAT! I TODE YOU THESE HERE WILDCATS WAS GONNA ROCK YOUR UNDERSIZE JOCKS, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, FLAT BILL, ROTGUT WHISKEY BREATH, SINFUL, GUN TOTIN, GRAMPA PUNCHIN CARDINAL THUGS. IT’S OVER FOR YOU PEOPLE, DON’T YOU SEE THAT? ALL THE WALLS IS FALLIN IN ON THE LITTLE CARDINAL
Tag: UofL
Wednesday is the Turd Day of the week
radio script THE BEASMAN go north caramaliner GO TURD HEELS! GO TURD HEELS! BEAT THAT VILLE! BEAT THAT VILLE! LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! I BET YOU WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT PULLIN REAL HARD FOR MIZZOU TO UPSET THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS SO I’S JUST RETURNIN THE FLAVOR. GO TURD HEELS! GO TURD HEELS! KENTUCKY BLUE LOVES CARAMALINER BLUE TONIGHT! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GOT US A LUMPY VICTREE OVER MISS-OOR-UH LASS NIGHT BUT A WIN IS A WIN. WE’LL TAKE IT, DADGUMMIT! COACH CAL GOT A T. DE-ANDREA FOX WAS DOWN ON THE GROUND AND LOOKIN BROKE. BUT BAM AND DOM AND WILL AND MONK AND DRAKE
The Beasman: God smites Cards for playbook theft, Cats shock the world
radio scripts for Monday, November 28, 2016 THE BEASMAN #1 it’s over OH BOO HOO HOOOOO! KEEP CRYIN’ YOUR CARDINAL TEARS…THEY’RE DELICIOUS! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS! KEEP BURNIN THEM COUCHES, CAT FANS! THIS HERE IS BIGGER ‘EN CHRISTMAS! U UH KAY DONE SLAYED THE EVIL CARDINAL DEMONS! STEPHEN JOHNSON FOR HEISMAN! MARK STOOPS FOR S.E.C. COACH OF THE YEAR! U UH KAY WILDCATS FOR THE PLAYOFFS! BOOM WILLIAMS FOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR! AWWWW BLUE! WHITE! BLUE! WHITE! CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) IT’S FINALLY OVER FOR YOU LOWDOWN, SAGGY PANTS, BACKWARDS CAP, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GANG BANG, U OF SMELL CARDINAL POSERS. YOU DONE BEEN EXPOSED BY THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS! AIN’T NO
Memphis exported some blues to Louisville
On the day that a chastened Bobby Petrino was introduced as the reborn head coach of the University of Louisville football team, Rick Pitino's basketball team lost a critically important game at home against Memphis. The overly excited UK zealot The Beasman couldn't wait to call my radio show the next day. His transcript is printed below. THE BEASMAN memphis loss (LAFF) THE LOSERVILLE CARDINALS: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. DID SOMEBODY DUMP A GATORADE JUG FULL OF STUPID OVER TOM JURICH? WHAT’S HE DOIN BRINGIN THAT SNAKE IN THE GRASS BACK TO COACH YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM? WHAT Y’ALL POSED TO DO, JUST LOCK UP YOUR WIFES AND DAUGHTERS UNTIL FOOTBAW SEASON STARTS? I
Three times less than perfect
Kentucky Wildcats basketball coach John Calipari speaks to the media following UK's third loss in a season some expected to be flawless. North Carolina beat Kentucky 82-77 in the Wildcats' first true road game. Calipari said that UNC "deserved to win" and that his guys "need to get knocked in the teeth" in order to learn. "Hopefully you'll see progress," Calipari wished out loud. Although many fans thought that this magnificent #1 recruiting class would give UK a perfect "40 and oh" season, this loss to North Carolina on the heels of losses to Baylor and Michigan State have dampened spirits across the Commonwealth of Kentucky. UK hosts archrival Louisville in two weeks. Suddenly, Cats fans are not as confident as they
Boomtown for Hoops
ESPN breaks down who's rolling in dough in college basketball. Open your window --- the harvest is here.