THE BEASMAN florida curse I HATE YOU AND EVERTHANG YOU STAND FOR, LARRY MINNER. “CHANCE POOR” THAT ANY TRUE BLUE WILDCAT FAN EVER WANNA LISSEN AT YOU…ON THAT RADIO GIGGLIN LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL ABOUT LAY-MAR JACKSON AND TEDDY DIRTY WATER PLAYIN N.F.L. INSTEAD OF SOUNDIN SAD ABOUT OUR BELOVED CATS LOSIN TO THEM FLORI-DER PHONIES AGAIN! (cry) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS FANS IS LICKIN OUR WOUNDS AND Y’ALL WH&S PEOPLE JUST ON THERE TODAY HOLLERIN AND CUTTIN UP LIKE YOU’S AT A CARDINAL HOOTENANY. (cry) DADGUMMIT, Y’ALL POSED TO BE GRIEVIN LIKE THE REST OF US, YOU CROSS-EYED, PENCIL NECK, TWO-BIT, DRUNK FOR BREAKFAST, WELFARE STAMP, CHAIN GANG, NOBODY LOSERVILLE WILDCAT WANNABES! WE GOT A FIELD GOAL
Tag: the beasman
Holy Toledo! U uh Kay footbaw gets less attention than Fraidy Cat Matt
THE BEASMAN game time GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! PAY COACH STOOPS! PAY COACH STOOPS! BEAT TOE-LEEDER! BEAT TOE-LEEDER! (laffs) OL’ BALD-HAIRED LARRY MINNER IS THE LONELIEST GUY IN KENTUCKY. (laffs) YOU THE ONLY GUY STILL AT WORK! ERRBODY ELSE OFF HAVING THEIR LABOR DAY WEEKEND SO NOBODY IS LISSENIN TO YOUR STUPID RADIO SHOW! (laffs) YOU OUGHTA ASK BOOGIE COUSINS TO PUT A BULLET IN YOUR BALD HEAD! (laffs) FREE BOOGIE! FREE BOOGIE! THAT AIN’T BOOGIE ON THE TAPE! LARRY MINNER, THE KARMA TRAIN IS COMIN FOR YOU MONDEE NIGHT! (laffs) YOU’LL BE CRYIN LIKE A BABY WHEN THEM DRUNK CATHLICKS GIT HERE FOR FOOTBAW! (laffs) YOUR CARDINAL FEATHERS GONNA BE SPRAYED ALL OVER THE TRAIN YARD
Look out, Cardinals…here come them there Notre Dame Cathlick beak busters
THE BEASMAN football is back I BET YOU’S JEALOUS OF COACH CAL PLAYIN GOLF WITH PRESSER-DENT BROCK PAJAMAS, AIN’T YOU, LARRY? COACH CAL HANGS OUT WITH ALL THE BIGTIME STARS LIKE BROCK PAJAMAS, LEE-BRON JAMES, JAY Z, THE DRAKE, AND THE OAK RIDGE BOYS. WHICH PRESIDENT DID YOU PLAY GOLF WITH, LARRY MINNER? THE PRESIDENT OF THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN? (laffs) IT’S TIME FOR FOOTBAW, CARDINAL SISSIES! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, YOU FILTHY U OF SMELLERS, CUZ Y’ALL BOUT TO DIE! (laffs) I LOVE IT! THE CARDINAL CRIMINALS GOT TO WAIT ALL WEEKEND FOR THEIR EXER-CUTION AT THE HANDS OF THEM DRUNK IRISH PEDDER-FILE, FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK SINNERS. (laffs) Y’ALL DEE-SERVE EACH OTHER, YOU STRIPPER POLE, GRAMMAW PROSTER-TUTE LOVIN LOSERVILLE
The Cathlicks bout to do a exorcism on the Loserville Cardinal birds
THE BEASMAN cathlicks is comin STOP TAWKIN BOUT JUSTIN THOMAS LIKE HE’S YOUR FRIEND. HE WON THE FEDDER CHEESE CUP BUT HE DON’T LIKE NO LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRDS. HE WAS WEARIN BLUE PANTS THE WHOLE TIME. JUSTIN THOMAS PRETENDS LIKE HE LIKES LOSERVILLE SO Y’ALL’S PUNK GHETTO THUGS WON’T STEAL HIS GOLF CLUBS WHEN HE COMES HOME TO SEE HIS PARENTS. JUSTIN THOMAS WENT TO ROLL TIDE ALABAMMER CUZ HE KNOWS THE S.E.C. DOMERATES AND U OF SMELL SUCKS. (laffs) Just in time.@JustinThomas34 has earned his first win of the year @BMWChamps and the 10th of his career.He's No. 1 in the #FedExCup heading to East Lake.#LiveUnderPar pic.twitter.com/uDKBsKVUsK— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) August 18, 2019 YOU CARDINAL BIRDS BETTER QUIT LYIN
Fredo Larry is too dumb to hang up on The Beasman
THE BEASMAN stripper money HELLO…IS THIS FREDO MINNER? (laffs) I WAS HOPIN YOU WOULD GIT ALL HUFFY AND START CUSSIN ME OUT LIKE THAT C.N.N. GUY WHO HATES BEIN CALLED FREDO. (laffs) FREDO! FREDO! FREDO! (laffs) HOW COME YOU AIN’T GITTIN MAD? MAYBE IT’S CUZ YOU IS SO DUMB LIKE FREDO THAT YOU DON’T KNOW YOU BEIN INSULTERCATED! (laffs) WELL…IF FREDO DON’T GIT YOU FIRED UP THEN I’LL JUST KEEP CALLIN YOU LARRY THE LOSER! (laffs) HOW DO YOU LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR KNOWIN THAT MATT JONES IS SUCH A BETTER DEEJAY THAN YOU? MATT JONES COME ON YOUR SHOW LAST WEEK AND FINE-LEE GIVE IT SOME BIGTIME RATINGS LIKE MATT JONES GITS EVER DAY! WE WANT MATT JONES
The Beasman got trickerated by JB Holmes’ doppelganger
What a moment. Soak it all in, @ShaneLowryGolf. #TheOpen pic.twitter.com/IRpjCQ20a8— Golf Channel (@GolfChannel) July 21, 2019 THE BEASMAN jb holmes sort of wins British Open WOOOOOO YEAH! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! DADGUMMIT, THAT’S WHAT I WAS SHOUTIN’ REAL LOUD WHEN THAT BEARDED, POTBELLY GOLFER FROM KENTUCKY J.B. HOLMES WON THE BRITISH OPEN! YEAH! GO CATS! KENTUCKY RULES THE WORLD! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! (sigh) BUT THEN MY BUDDY SAYS TO ME, HE SAYS “BEASMAN…THAT AIN’T J.B. HOLMES HOLDIN UP THAT TROPHY…THAT’S SOME DRUNK IRISHMAN NAME OF SHANE LOWRY." DADGUMMIT, I RUBBED MY EYES TWO OR THREE TIMES AND JUST THROWED THE TV REMOTE AT THE FIREPLACE. EVERBODY ALL WEEKEND KEPT SAYIN “JB
The Beasman always bring the Summer Slam
THE BEASMAN laker cats YOU ARE A POOR EXCUSE FOR A MAN, LARRY MINNER. I AXEY-DENT-LEE TURNT ON YOUR STOOPID RADIO SHOW AND ALL YOU’S TAWKIN ABOUT IS SWIMMIN WITH DOLPHINS, BREAKDANCING, EATIN AT A PINK RESTRUNT, AND SOME 15-YEAR-OLD TENNIS GIRL NAME OF COCO. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? A REAL MAN GOES SWIMMIN WITH SHARKS, LINE DANCES, AND THE ONLY 15-YEAR-OLD HE CARES ABOUT IS A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH! (laffs) TURN IN YOUR MAN CARD, YOU PENCIL NECK, PINHEAD! (laffs) WHERE YOU BEEN, YOU BALD HAIRED FRAUD? IS YOU AND SLICK RICK SPENDING THE SUMMER UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN AGAIN? (laffs) “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO QUIT YOU, SLICK!” (laffs) I CAINT BLEEVE WH&S DINT HAVE SENATOR MATT
Could Senator Matt Jones really whoop Snitch McConnell? It’s Beasman’s dream
THE BEASMAN blackshear goes to Florida HEY LARRRRRREEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs) I HEARED YOU PLAYIN THAT TURRIBLE RAP MUSIC ON THE RADIO TAWKIN BOUT HOW U OF SMELL STILL GOT THEIR CHAMPERCHIPS RING! HOW STUPID IS THAT? (laffs) Y’ALL DINT WIN, YOU BIG RUM DUMMIES. (laffs) THE NC2A DONE YANKED DOWN THAT BANNER AND CHASED SLICK RICK OUTTA TOWN! Y’ALL JUST TRICKIN YOUR SELFS THANKIN YOU IS THE CHAMPEENS. NAW, YOU IS CHEATIN, STRIPPER POLE, NASTY GIRL LOVIN, PAYIN OFF RECRUIT DADDIES, NECK TATTOO, CARDINAL LOSERS. (laffs) OWN IT, LARRY! OWN IT! (laffs) OHHHHH…AND DID YOU SEE WHO WOUNT UP WINNING THE COLLEGE WORLD SERIES? THE GOOD CHRISTIAN SMART BOYS FROM VANDERSMELT! S.E.C.! S.E.C.! S.E.C.! (laffs)
The Beasman bout to Nuh-Wore-uh y’all Cards fans out
THE BEASMAN who’s coming back? HEY LARRY! LARRY MINNER! IT’S THAT STUPID TIME OF YEAR WHEN PEOPLE START PRE-DICTIFYING NEXT YEAR’S BASKETBAW TEAMS WITH SCIENTIFIC POs. THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS LOADED FOR NEXT YEAR SO Y’ALL U OF SMELL LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES AIN’T GOTTA PRAYER OF WHOOPIN US! (laffs) I LOVE IT! EVER YEAR, U OF SMELL IDIOTS START TAWKIN ABOUT “WAIT TIL YOU SEE NEXT YEAR’S CARDINAL BIRDS TEAM!” (laffs) AND THEN U UH KAY SMASHES YOUR FACE IN AGAIN AND Y’ALL SNAGGLE TOOTH, NECK TATTOO, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GRAFITTI PAINTIN, WHISKEY FOR BREAKFAST CARDINAL FOOLS START CRYIN ABOUT “WAIT TIL NEXT YEAR!” (laffs) BUT THE TRUTH IS COACH CAL GOT U OF SMELL’S NUMBER.
The Beasman ain’t too pleased about Big Blue Nation outside looking in at the Final Four
THE BEASMAN natl championship night SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE ABOUT THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS GAME, YOU BALD HAIRED, TRAITOR TURNCOAT, BACKSTABBING U OF SMELL SUCKUP! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS AIN’T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN, DADGUMMIT. THIS WAS POSED TO BE OUR NIGHT WITH ERRBODY SCREAMIN GO BIG BLUE AND TELLIN ALL THE OTHER SCHOOLS THAT THEY SUCK. IT FEELS LIKE THE GRINCH DONE STOLE OUR BLUE CHRISTMAS AGAIN, LARRY MINNER. “COACH CAL FOR LIFE” BETTER GIT US A WILDCAT CHAMPERCHIPS NEXT YEAR OR ELSE HIS LIFETIME DEAL IS GONNA END. A LIFETIME CONTRACT IS ONLY GOOD AS LONG AS YOU’S ALIVE, DADGUMMIT! YOU HEAR ME, COACH CAL? DON’T HUMILERATE BIG BLUE NATION