THE BEASMAN Diablo is back GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY U UH WILDCAT FANS IS JUMPIN FOR JOY CUZ EL DIABLO IS COMIN BACK TO KENTUCKY! YEP, COACH CAL DONE GOT ON HIS HOVER BOARD AND ROAD IT ALL THE WAY TO NEW YARK TO BEG THE GREATEST BASKETBAW PLAYER WHO EVER LIVED, EL DIABLO TO COME BACK TO LEXINUN AFTER THAT STUPID DUMMY BAMBA SAID HEāS TOO SKEERED TO BE A WILDCAT. SO DIABLO SAYS TO HISSELF, HE SAYS: DO I WANNA GO TO N.B.A. HELL WITH SOME SUCKY TEAM OR DO I WANNA BE IN WILDCAT HEAVEN WITH PURDY GIRLS SWARMIN ALL OVER ME, LIVE IN A PALACE
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The Beasman tells U of L recruits to warm up the D League bus
THE BEASMAN nba combine LARRY, LARRY, LARRY. WHY DO YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, LITTLE BROTHER, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, RICKY JONES LOVIN, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK CARDINAL CONVICT FANS ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT THE NBA COMBINE? OOOOOH. DONNERVAN MITCHELL IS TOO GOOD TO PLAY IN THE 5-ON-5 COMPERTITION BUT ISAIAH BRISKET GOTTA PLAY CUZ HE AINāT GONNA MAKE IT ON NO NBA TEAM. SUCK IT, LOSERVILLE FANS. I MEANā¦NO WONDER THEY JUST BANNED HOOKAH SMOKIN CUZ YāALL U OF SMELLERS MUST BE HIGH. DONNERVAN MITCHUM MIGHT AS WELL GIT USED TO A D-LEAGUE BUS. HE AINāT NEVER GONNA BE PRIME TIME LIKE ALL U UH KAY STARS. AINāT NO CARDINAL BIRD PLAYERS
AUDIO: The Beasman says Coach Cal’s show was watched by more people than the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, World Series, and Kardashians combined
THE BEASMAN 30 for 30 AINT NO SECRET I BEEN SLEEPIN IN A TENT ON THE SIDEWALK OUTSIDE MEMORIAL COLLER-SEUM WAITIN ON NEXT SEASONāS MIDNIGHT MADNESS TICKETS. WELL I AINT THERE NO MORE BUT NOT MY FAULT. THEM EASTER STARMS COME RUMBLIN THROUGH HERE AND THIS COP COMES ALONG AND SAYS āBEASMAN, I CAINT LET YOU KEEP THIS TENT HERE CUZ IF A LIGHTNIN BOLT HITS THAT K-FLAG UP ON TOP YOU GONNA GIT FRIED LIKE BACON.ā SO HE SENT ME HOME AND TODE ME TO COME BACK IN SEPTEMBER WHEN THEY HAND OUT THE TICKETS. SO I COME HOME AND GOT CAUGHT UP ON EVERTHANG. DADGUMMIT, I WATCHED ME THAT 30 + 30 THING ON COACH CAL
Cats get their Bruins while the Cards go into ruins
THE BEASMAN reads the ncaa infractions letter BOY I AM ONE TIRED WILDCAT, LARRY MINNER. I WAS UP ALL NIGHT TRYING TO READ A HUNDERD EIGHTEEN DADGUM PAGES OF THAT NC2A CONVICTION LETTER TO U OF SMELL AND I JUST FINISHED IT UP. I EXPECIALLY ENJOYED THE LAST PART WHERE THEY TODE SLICK RICK WHEN HE GOTS TO GO UP TO INJINAPLISS TO TESTERFY, HE NEEDS TO LEAVE HIS FANCY GOLD CHAINS AND DIAMOND EARRINGS AT HOME CUZ PRISONERS AINāT ALLOWED TO HAVE āEM WHILE THEY IS LOCKED UP IN THE STOCKADE! BUT THEY TODE HIM TO BRING THAT 2013 CHAMPERCHIPS RING CUZ ITāS NOW FAKE AND THEY GONNA MELT IT DOWN AND TURN IT INTO SPECIAL MEDAL
Wednesday is the Turd Day of the week
radio script THE BEASMAN go north caramaliner GO TURD HEELS! GO TURD HEELS! BEAT THAT VILLE! BEAT THAT VILLE! LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! I BET YOU WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT PULLIN REAL HARD FOR MIZZOU TO UPSET THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS SO IāS JUST RETURNIN THE FLAVOR. GO TURD HEELS! GO TURD HEELS! KENTUCKY BLUE LOVES CARAMALINER BLUE TONIGHT! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GOT US A LUMPY VICTREE OVER MISS-OOR-UH LASS NIGHT BUT A WIN IS A WIN. WEāLL TAKE IT, DADGUMMIT! COACH CAL GOT A T. DE-ANDREA FOX WAS DOWN ON THE GROUND AND LOOKIN BROKE. BUT BAM AND DOM AND WILL AND MONK AND DRAKE
With the Cats plunging, The Beasman is lunging
THE BEASMAN cats crushed by florida radio sketch for MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2017 TOM BRADY GOT FIVE RINGS BUT COACH CAL ONLY GOT ONE. DADGUMMIT, LEāTāS GIT TOM BRADY TO COME COACH THE CATS BEFORE WE TURN INTO ROBERT MORRIS THE 2ND. (cry) WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE, YOU BALD HAIRED SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN CARDINAL FRAUD. YāALL CAN ACT ALL BIGTIME RIGHT NOW BUT THE NC2A BOUT TO BRING YāALL THE DEATH PENALTY FOR VALENTIMEāS DAY. SO QUIT YOUR SMIRKIN ABOUT U UH KAYāS BOWLIN GREEN MASSACRE. ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES IS BOUT TO POP A VEIN OVER THIS BIMBARRASSMENT. AINāT NOBODY HAPPY IN WILDCAT COUNTRY, LARRY, SO SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE
The boys of Summers
The University of Louisville football team hired Lexington native Mike Summers as co-offensive coordinator. He happens to be married to the Beasman's daughter. That can't sit well with his father-in-law. THE BEASMAN son-in-law traitor turncoat STOP TAWKIN ABOUT YOUR GREEN GAY BUTT PACKERS. AINT NOBODY CARES HERE IN WILDCAT COUNTRY! I BEEN PUKIN UP BLOOD EVER SINCE SAIRDEE, DADGUMMIT, AND IT AINāT CUZ YOUR FLUNKY U OF SMELL LOSERVILLE LITTLE BROTHERS BEAT THE DOOKIES. U UH KAY DONāT CARE ABOUT SLICK RICKāS HAS BEENS. NAW, US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS AINāT AFRAID OF NO BROKEBACK DUKE COACH SHIT-SHETSKI THE FOULMOUTH REFEREEāS PET. U UH KAY CAN BEAT DUKE BY A LOT MORE THAN YOUR SAGGY PANTS,
The Beasman: God smites Cards for playbook theft, Cats shock the world
radio scripts for Monday, November 28, 2016 THE BEASMAN #1 itās over OH BOO HOO HOOOOO! KEEP CRYINā YOUR CARDINAL TEARSā¦THEYāRE DELICIOUS! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS! KEEP BURNIN THEM COUCHES, CAT FANS! THIS HERE IS BIGGER āEN CHRISTMAS! U UH KAY DONE SLAYED THE EVIL CARDINAL DEMONS! STEPHEN JOHNSON FOR HEISMAN! MARK STOOPS FOR S.E.C. COACH OF THE YEAR! U UH KAY WILDCATS FOR THE PLAYOFFS! BOOM WILLIAMS FOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR! AWWWW BLUE! WHITE! BLUE! WHITE! CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) ITāS FINALLY OVER FOR YOU LOWDOWN, SAGGY PANTS, BACKWARDS CAP, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GANG BANG, U OF SMELL CARDINAL POSERS. YOU DONE BEEN EXPOSED BY THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS! AINāT NO
High holy season returns to Kentucky
The joy quotient in the Commonwealth of Kentucky shoots through the ceiling every November when basketball season begins. It's a religion in the state. Other states celebrate Rhodes scholars changing the world. We celebrate sweaty teenagers who can dunk a ball or sprint with a pigskin. That's just who we are. >>>>>>>>>RADIO SCRIPT>>>>>>>>> THE BEASMAN tipoff luncheon air date 10-28-16 WELL, THEREāS YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK OUT THERE TO THE TIPOFF LUNCHEON TELLING HIS LIES AGAIN. āOHHH. U OF SMELL FANS IS GONNA BE HAPPY AGAIN CUZ WE GONNA GO OUT THERE AND WIN ANOTHER BANNER.ā THATāS A BUNCH OF HORSE PUCKEY. WHAT KIND OF BANNER IS THAT I-TALIAN MAFIA MAN TAWIN BOUTā¦A MEMORIAL BANNER FOR
Clemson clamps Cards
The Clemson Tigers snapped the perfect season for the Louisville Cardinals during a fierce finish where UofL was positioned to win. With less than :30 remaining, UofL receiver James Quick came up one yard short of a first down near the goal line. Clemson took a knee to run out the clock and remain undefeated, moving to 5-0. Louisville falls to 4-1 and trails Clemson in the A.C.C. You know the Beasman is loving every minute of Louisville's hiccup. THE BEASMAN loserville loses to Clemson (laffs hysterically) I LOVVVVVVVVVE IT! THANK YOU, CLEMSON! ALL US GOOD & CLASSY WILDCAT FANS LOVE US SOME CLEMSON TIGERS FOR PUTTING A STOP TO U OF SMELLāS PERFECT SEASON.