THE BEASMAN laker cats YOU ARE A POOR EXCUSE FOR A MAN, LARRY MINNER. I AXEY-DENT-LEE TURNT ON YOUR STOOPID RADIO SHOW AND ALL YOU’S TAWKIN ABOUT IS SWIMMIN WITH DOLPHINS, BREAKDANCING, EATIN AT A PINK RESTRUNT, AND SOME 15-YEAR-OLD TENNIS GIRL NAME OF COCO. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? A REAL MAN GOES SWIMMIN WITH SHARKS, LINE DANCES, AND THE ONLY 15-YEAR-OLD HE CARES ABOUT IS A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH! (laffs) TURN IN YOUR MAN CARD, YOU PENCIL NECK, PINHEAD! (laffs) WHERE YOU BEEN, YOU BALD HAIRED FRAUD? IS YOU AND SLICK RICK SPENDING THE SUMMER UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN AGAIN? (laffs) “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO QUIT YOU, SLICK!” (laffs) I CAINT BLEEVE WH&S DINT HAVE SENATOR MATT
Tag: slick rick
Coach Cal done flipped his noodle thinkin’ Cat fans would welcome Slick Rick back in Rupp
THE BEASMAN coach cal is crazy LARRY, WE NEED A SHRINK OVER HERE AT U UH KAY TO GIVE COACH CAL A CHECKUP FROM THE NECK UP! DADGUMMIT, COACH CAL SAID HE WANTS SLICK RICK PITEENER TO COME BACK TO U UH KAY AND THAT CAT FANS WOULD BE NICE TO HIM. WHAT KIND OF CRAZY TAWK IS THAT? DID COACH CAL FALL AND HIT HIS HEAD? AND GUYS LIKE OSCAR COMBS AND JOHN CLAY FROM THE HARK THE HERALD LEADER AGREE WITH CAL. HAS THE WORLD GONE OFF ITS NUT? Coach Cal thinks it's time to bring @RealPitino back to Lexington and recognize all he did for the program. Calipari thinks UK fans would
Beasman calls best team, Krzyzewski face, UofL fan necks: Cats, rats, and tats
THE BEASMAN cats lose but loserville slaughtered DON’T YOU EVEN START IN ON ME ABOUT U UH KAY LOSING, YOU CROSS-EYED, BUCK TEETH, BALD HAIR, STINKBREATH U OF SMELL APOLOGIST. DADGUMMIT, YOUR FILTHY CARDINAL CONVICTS LOST BY 400 POINTS, THE WORST BEATDOWN IN U OF SMELL HISTREE BUCEPT FOR THAT TIME IN WORLD WAR TWO THE JAPPER-NESE BOMBED CARDINAL STADIUM. Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS OUGHT TO RISE UP AND THROW BOBBY PETRINKO OUT IN THE STREET AND CHASE HIM OUTTA TOWN LIKE U UH KAY DONE TO BILL CURRY, JERRY CLAIBONE, RICH BROOKS, HAL DUMMY, GUY MORRIS, AND THE JOKER. DON’T Y’ALL CARDINAL IDIOTS KNOW HOW TO FIRE A FOOTBAW COACH? YOU JUST MOVE HIS OFFICE TO THE TARLIT ROOM
The Beasman knows that church money goes to heavenly recruits
THE BEASMAN cats still Top 20 (laffs) HEY LAREEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs) I BET YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL BUDDIES THUNK I WAS GONNA BE SAD ABOUT THE CATS LOSIN, BUT NAWWWWWWW. WE ALL GOOD! (laffs) THE U UH KAY WILDCATS IS STILL TOP 20, STOOPS IS STILL THE BEST COACH U UH KAY EVER HAD SINCE BEAR BRYANT, AND BINNY SNELL STILL GONNA WIN THE HEISHMAN TROPHY. (laffs) AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WE PUSHED THEM AGGIE BOYS TO OVERTIME AND OUR KICKER DONE AS GOOD AS HE COULD. (laffs) WE AIN’T MAD. U UH KAY STILL GONNA PLAY IN A NEW YEAR’S DAY BO. OUR QUARTERBACK IS A LITTLE
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN MADNESS – Did Slick Rick and Larry break up for good?
THE BEASMAN slick dumps larry HEY LAREEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs) I CAN’T BLEEVE YOU AIN’T CHECKED INTO OUR LADY UH PEACE FOR MENTAL ILLNESS. YOU GOT TO BE DOWNRIGHT DEE-PRESSED OVER ALL KINDA THANGS. THROW THEM STUPID Ls UP, YOU LOSERS! L STANDS FOR LOSER! L STANDS FOR LOSER! (laffs) YOUR FILTHY CARDINAL BIRDS GOT BLASTED OUT OF THE STADIUM AGAINST BIGTIME S.E.C. FOOTBAW. OL NICK SABAN KICKED YOUR CARDINAL BEAKS SO HARD YOU CAIN’T EVEN WHISTLE DIXIE! THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS SHOWED THEY IS ANOTHER S.E.C. PIRE BY TROUNCIN MICHERGAN LASS SAIRDEE, AND NOW WE GONNA WHOOP US SOME FLOR-I-DER GATORS. CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP DOWN ON THAT STREAK CUZ IT’S OVER! THE STREAK
Silence of the NCAA – death penalty, where is thy sting?
The week passes without an official notice from the NCAA on whether the University of Louisville's appeal of sanctions will be honored. All speculation is that the NCAA will affirm the original sanctions that include nullifying the 2013 men's basketball national championship, the 2012 Final Four appearance, and return of monies earned by the school for any games where ineligible players performed. Ineligibility was assigned to any player who had received sexual favors during a three year period where alleged prostitute Katina Powell provided women to players, recruits, and recruit chaperones. But the NCAA's silence doesn't keep The Beasman quiet. RADIO SKETCH JANUARY 26, 2018 YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU TRAITOR TURNCOAT WILDCAT BACKSTABBER. I HEAR YOU ON THERE SMIRKIN AND
The Beasman: BBN prays for U of Smell shoe pimp indictments
THE BEASMAN more indictments HEY LARRY, DID ANY OF YOUR U OF SMELL CARDINAL BUDDIES GIT INDICTED TODAY? (laffs) THE DAY AIN’T OVER YET! (laffs) WHY DON’T YOU JUST KILL YOURSELF, LARRY? YOUR CARDINAL PROGRUM IS IN ASHES. THE U OF SMELL DUMPSTER FIRE AIN’T NEVER GONNA GO OUT CUZ THE NC2A IS A-COMIN WITH THE DEATH PENALTY! DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATH PENALTY! (laffs) I LOVE IT! I SEEN THEY INDICTED CHUCK PERSON FOR ALL THAT SHOE PIMP MONEY BRIBERY STUFF. AND THEY GOT THAT FANCY SUIT MAN, TOO. YOU AND ALL YOUR CARDINAL BUDDIES IS HOPIN THAT THE SUIT MAN IS GONNA TURN ON HIS CLIENTS CONNECTED TO U UH KAY
The Beasman: Big Boo Nation loves Halloween every day in Loserville
The Beasman air date: 10.31.17 BOOOOOOO! BOOOOOO! GLOOOOOOOM & DOOOOOOOM IS ALL AROUND LOSERVILLE, THE LITTLE BROTHER WHO FEARS BIG BOO NATION! (laffs) Y’ALL DON’T NEED NO HAUNTED HOUSE CUZ U OF SMELL IS LIVIN IN IT EVER DAY! ALL THEM SKEERED FACES ON EVER CARNER AS THEY WAIT THE NC2A GRIMMMMMMM REAPER. GRIM REAPER DONE COME FOR SLICK RICK AND TOMMY TURTLENECK AND NOW HE’S A-COMIN FOR THAT FAKE NEWS CHAMPERCHIP BANNER! TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! (laffs) THIS HERE IS A SAD HALLER-WEEN FOR YOU, AINT IT LARRY? MEMBER THAT CHARLIE BROWN TV CARTOON WHERE HE GOES TRICK-OR-TREATIN AND EVER TIME HE LOOKS IN HIS BAG HE SAYS “I GOT A ROCK.”
The Beasman: UK pimp slaps USM while U of Smell limps past Purdue
AWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! GO BIG BLUE! WE IS #1 IN FOOTBAW. COACH CAL IS #1 IN HURRICANE FUNDRAISIN. AND U OF SMELL STILL SUCKS LIKE LAST YEAR! BIG BLUE NATION RULES THE WORLD! HEY LAREEEEEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! YOUR CARDINAL BIRDS LOOKED LIKE THEY STILL GOT THE FUMBLE-ITIS THEY HAD LASS YEAR WHEN U UH KAY BEAT ‘EM AND TURNT EM INTO NOBODIES. WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS, LARRY? DO THEY THINK THAT FOOTBAW IS A SUBPOENA OR A HAND GRENADE? AIN’T NONE OF ‘EM WANTS TO HODE ONTO IT. LAY-MAR JACKSON WAS OK BUT THE REST OF EM SUCKED. I TELL YOU WHAT, ALL US GOOD AND
Wednesday is the Turd Day of the week
radio script THE BEASMAN go north caramaliner GO TURD HEELS! GO TURD HEELS! BEAT THAT VILLE! BEAT THAT VILLE! LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! I BET YOU WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT PULLIN REAL HARD FOR MIZZOU TO UPSET THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS SO I’S JUST RETURNIN THE FLAVOR. GO TURD HEELS! GO TURD HEELS! KENTUCKY BLUE LOVES CARAMALINER BLUE TONIGHT! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GOT US A LUMPY VICTREE OVER MISS-OOR-UH LASS NIGHT BUT A WIN IS A WIN. WE’LL TAKE IT, DADGUMMIT! COACH CAL GOT A T. DE-ANDREA FOX WAS DOWN ON THE GROUND AND LOOKIN BROKE. BUT BAM AND DOM AND WILL AND MONK AND DRAKE