radio sketch, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2016, 5:40 p.m. THE BEASMAN the turnaround starts now HAS THE WORLD GONE CRAZY? U UH KAY IS ON A LOSING STREAK AND U OF SMELL IS BUILDING THE BIGGEST FOOTBAW STADIUM IN KENTUCKY. EITHER I’M HAVING A HARRIBLE NIGHTMARE OR ELSE SOMEBODY AT U UH KAY IS ASLEEP AT THE SWITCH! WAKE UP, MITCH BARNFART! WAKE UP COACH CAL! WAKE UP, MARK STOOPID! NOW I HEAR TELL THAT HOTSHOT WIDE RECEIVERS COACH WE JUST SNATCHED FROM U OF SMELL WAS ACTUALLY FIRED FROM LOSERVILLE CUZ HE SUCKS! AND HE DINT BRING LAMAR JACKSON WITH HIM! I THUNK THAT WAS THE WHOLE PLAN. MEMBER HOW COACH CAL HIRED
Tag: radio sketch
Nothing could be finer than beating Carolina in prime time
THE BEASMAN north carolina is in town (WHAS Radio segment, runs 4:45 PM, February 1, 2016) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LARRY…WHAT IS Y’ALL SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, WELFARE CHECK, GOLD TOOTH, STRIPPER POLE, TARC BUS RIDIN, OBAMA PHONE, PROSTITUTE HIRIN U OF SMELL FRAUDS GONNA DO TONIGHT AGAINST NARTH CARAMALINER? YOU KNOW YOU GONNA GIT CRUSHED LIKE A BUG SO WHY DON’T SLICK RICK THROW IN THE TOWEL RIGHT NOW? HE SAID THE BIG MAN WAS REAL SICK THE OTHER DAY WHEN NOBODY VIRGINNY THROWED Y’ALL AROUND LIKE A PIT BULL CHEWIN A RAG DOLL. --------------------WHAT IN THE SAM HILL YOU THINK ROY WILLIAMS AND THE TURD HEELS GONNA DO TO Y’ALL TONIGHT? IT’LL PROBLEE BE A HUNDERD TO NOTHIN
#1 UK not ready for Hollywood lights
How did unranked UCLA beat #1 UK so decisively? Sports Illustrated's Gregory Habeeb explains. RADIO SCRIPT: THE BEASMAN ucla breakdown (crying) I’M BACK IN MY BED WITH THE COVERS PULT UP OVER MY HEAD, LARRY MINNER. (cry hard) IT AIN’T POSED TO BE LIKE ISS, DADGUMMIT. YESTERDEE I WAS LAUGHIN AND CARRYIN ON ABOUT HOW SLICK RICK AND THE LOSERVILLE FRAUDS GOT CLOWNED BY MICHERGAN STATE BUT TODAY THEM CALIFARNIA ILLEGAL ALIEN WELFARE MOOCHERS IS DOIN ALL THE LAFFIN BECAUSE THEY BEAT AMERICA’S TEAM, THE CATS. (cry) DON’T YOU SMIRK, LARRY MINNER. I HEAR YOU SMIRKIN. I BET YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK WAS UP ALL NIGHT LAUGHIN ABOUT UCLA WHOOPIN COACH CAL
Jailbirds for Jesus
--radio copy-- PATRICK ONEAL spent a night in the rowan county jail TERRENCE, YOU KNOW I DON’T KISS AND TELL BUT I MUST TELL YOU ABOUT A NIGHT OF INCREDIBLE LOVEMAKING I EXPERIENCED LAST NIGHT IN THE ROWAN COUNTY JAIL. DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? THIS IS PATRICK ONEAL, THE SQUARE JAWED HOLLYWOOD HUNK WHO SPEARS ALL OF THE HOT LADIES WHO CAN’T RESIST MY CELEBRITY CHARM. I AM A PLAYA, A LADY CONQUERER, A SUAVE AND DEBONAIR PLAYBOY WHOSE MOVIE CREDITS INCLUDE “FRANCES THE TALKING MULE INSEMINATES A KARDASHIAN.” DEAR BOY, I WAS DRIVING MY SISTER’S CAR EAST OF LEXINGTON ON MY WAY TO ASHLEY JUDD’S LOVE SHACK WHEN I LOST MY WAY AND BEGAN WEAVING
Ebeneezer mellowed after smoking a bowl with Metz
Here is a WHAS Radio live performance from December 22, 1988 where a group of listeners delivered a live reading of "A Christmas Carol." Merry Christmas, everyone. I wonder where all of those people are today. email me with updates: terrymeiners@clearchannel.com
Three times less than perfect
Kentucky Wildcats basketball coach John Calipari speaks to the media following UK's third loss in a season some expected to be flawless. North Carolina beat Kentucky 82-77 in the Wildcats' first true road game. Calipari said that UNC "deserved to win" and that his guys "need to get knocked in the teeth" in order to learn. "Hopefully you'll see progress," Calipari wished out loud. Although many fans thought that this magnificent #1 recruiting class would give UK a perfect "40 and oh" season, this loss to North Carolina on the heels of losses to Baylor and Michigan State have dampened spirits across the Commonwealth of Kentucky. UK hosts archrival Louisville in two weeks. Suddenly, Cats fans are not as confident as they
The Beasman drinks Cardinal tears
THE BEASMAN Louisville loses to UNC HEY GAY BOY -- THROW UP YOUR L SIGN NOW BECAUSE IT STANDS FOR LOSER. (laffs) I LOVE IT! OVER-RATED! OVER-RATED! ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES DONE CELERMABRATED BY SHOOTING OFF OUR SHOTGUNS TO OFFICIALLY END THE YEAR OF THE CARDINAL. STICK A FARK IN YOU; Y’ALLS DONE. I CAINT BLEEVE YOU COME TO WORK TODAY. I FIGGERED OL MATT JONES WOULD COME IN THERE AND STEAL YOUR MICROPHONE AGAIN, LARRY MINNER, AND TAUNT ALL THE BROKE U OF SMELL HEARTS IN YOUR GHETTO TOWN. BYE, BYE FARTY AND OH. BYE BYE WINNING STREAK. BYE BYE NATIONAL ATTENTION…WELL, BUCEPT FOR ALL THEM CAMERAS IN THE TRAFFIC COURT FOR