THE BEASMAN florida curse continues (crying) LARRYâŚI CAINT TAKE IT NO MORE. STOP TAWKIN BOUT THAT GOLFER FROM LOSERVILLE AND TAWK ABOUT WHAT WE GONNA DO NOW WITH U UH KAY! (crying) IâM SO TORE UP. (crying) THE FLORIDER JINX IS CRUSHIN MY WILDCAT HEART. (crying) LITTLE WILDCAT KIDS COULDNâT GO TO SCHOOL TODAY CUZ THEYâS DEE-PRESSED. THEIR WILDCAT MOMMIES AND DADDIES STAYED HOME DRINKIN, CRYIN, AND CUSSIN THEM REFFERMARIES. (crying) IT AINâT F-F-F-FUNNY WHEN U UH KAY LOSES. ITâS ONLY FUNNY WHEN U OF SMELL IS A F-F-F-F-FAILURE. (crying) I THUNK FOR SURE WHEN THE CATS WAS UP 27-14 THAT THE 30-YEAR JINX WAS OVER. WE WAS HIGH-FIVIN AND LAUGHIN
Tag: radio sketch
The Beasman: UK pimp slaps USM while U of Smell limps past Purdue
AWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! GO BIG BLUE! WE IS #1 IN FOOTBAW. COACH CAL IS #1 IN HURRICANE FUNDRAISIN. AND U OF SMELL STILL SUCKS LIKE LAST YEAR! BIG BLUE NATION RULES THE WORLD! HEY LAREEEEEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! YOUR CARDINAL BIRDS LOOKED LIKE THEY STILL GOT THE FUMBLE-ITIS THEY HAD LASS YEAR WHEN U UH KAY BEAT âEM AND TURNT EM INTO NOBODIES. WHATâS THE MATTER WITH THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS, LARRY? DO THEY THINK THAT FOOTBAW IS A SUBPOENA OR A HAND GRENADE? AINâT NONE OF âEM WANTS TO HODE ONTO IT. LAY-MAR JACKSON WAS OK BUT THE REST OF EM SUCKED. I TELL YOU WHAT, ALL US GOOD AND
The Beasman on UK football: “They blue it again!”
FOOTBAW IS BACK AND ALL THE SMART MONEY IS ON THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS. U UH KAY IS THE FLOYD MAYWEATHER OF FOOTBAW TEAMS. WE GONNA TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT BUT IN THE END THE REFFERMARIE GONNA STOP IT CUZ THE CATS IS BEATIN YOU UP TOO BAD! I TELL YOU, LARRY, STOOPS TROOPS IS GONNA SHOCK THE WORLD. AND BIG BLUE NATION IS GONNA DOMMERATE THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS. BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! LOOK OUT, ALABAMMER. THESE HERE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GONNA JACK YOUR JAW! CATS! CATS! CATS! IT DONâT MATTER IF WE JUST LOST OUR #1 RECRUIT TO OHI-ER STATE. THAT RUM DUMMY WILL BE SORRY SOMEDAY WHEN HE
The Beasman says U of Smell is getting soccer’d into irrelevance
THE BEASMAN soccer town LARRY, WHEN YâALL GONNA HAVE ANOTHER PEPPER RALLY FOR U OF SMELL FOOTBAW? I WANNA BE THERE TO BOO MY SON-IN-LAW MIKE. DADGUMMIT, I WOULD RATHER MY DAUGHTERâS IDIOT HUSBAND TAKE A JOB AS A DRUG DEALER OR A TATTOO ARTIST BEFORE GOING BACK TO U OF SMELLâŚBUT HE DONE IT! THE MAN WHO MARRIED MY DAUGHTER IS BACK IN GHETTOVILLE WORKIN FOR THAT COMMUNIST CARDINAL BOBBY PETRINKO. IT TURNS MY STOMACH TO THINK ABOUT MY LITTLE GIRL HAVIN TO CASH FILTHY CARDINAL PAYCHECKS AND BEIN EXPOSED TO ALL THAT CRIME AND CURSIN THAT LOSERVILLE PRIDES ITSELF ON. I HOPE MY DAUGHTERâS HUSBAND DONâT REALLY WANT U OF SMELL TO WIN AND THAT HE
The Beasman: Coach Cal’s easter egg recruit hunt
THE BEASMAN coach cal easter egg recruit hunt HEY LARRY, YOU BALD HAIRED, SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROSS EYED, SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN HAS BEEN. I HEARED YOU ON THE LECTRIC RADIO YESTERDEE TAWKIN ALL LOVEY-DOVEY TO YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK. I GUESS YâALL IS BACK IN LOVE AGAIN. I JUST ABOUT GOT THE DIA-BEET-US FROM ALL THAT SYRUPPY SWEET TAWKIN. LARRY, WHEN IS YOU GONNA GROW A PAIR AND TELL SLICK RICK TO PACK HIS BAGS AND LEAVE TOWN FOR BEIN A CRIMINAL? THE NC2A DONE SAID HE WAS A NO COUNT CHEATER AND THAT BANNER IS COMING DOWN SO YâALL NEED TO GIT OUT OF DEE-NIAL. ITâS OVER. TAKE THAT FAKE NEWS BANNER DOWN. TAKE
The Beasman says the only way UK loses this baseball series is if nemesis referee John Higgins is the home plate umpire
THE BEASMAN baseball frenzy HEY LARRY, YOU GOT A MINUTE TO TAWK TO ME OR IS YOU STILL ON THE OTHER LINE TELLING YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND WANT TO HAVE HIS BABY? (laffs) COME ON, LAUGH A LITTLE BIT, LARRY. THIS WILL BE THE ONLY JOSHIN YOU GONNA GIT TO DO THIS WEEK CUZ YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH, NECK TATTOO, BEER BREATH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, RANDOM MURDERINâ U OF SMELL CARDINAL FANS IS ABOUT TO GIT YOUR JOCK ROCKED BY THE BIG BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT BASEBAW TEAM! I KNOW I CALLED YOU TWO WEEKS AGO AND SAID THAT BASEBAW WAS GAY AND YâALL ONLY ACT LIKE YOU CARE âBOUT BASEBAW
Cats get their Bruins while the Cards go into ruins
THE BEASMAN reads the ncaa infractions letter BOY I AM ONE TIRED WILDCAT, LARRY MINNER. I WAS UP ALL NIGHT TRYING TO READ A HUNDERD EIGHTEEN DADGUM PAGES OF THAT NC2A CONVICTION LETTER TO U OF SMELL AND I JUST FINISHED IT UP. I EXPECIALLY ENJOYED THE LAST PART WHERE THEY TODE SLICK RICK WHEN HE GOTS TO GO UP TO INJINAPLISS TO TESTERFY, HE NEEDS TO LEAVE HIS FANCY GOLD CHAINS AND DIAMOND EARRINGS AT HOME CUZ PRISONERS AINâT ALLOWED TO HAVE âEM WHILE THEY IS LOCKED UP IN THE STOCKADE! BUT THEY TODE HIM TO BRING THAT 2013 CHAMPERCHIPS RING CUZ ITâS NOW FAKE AND THEY GONNA MELT IT DOWN AND TURN IT INTO SPECIAL MEDAL
With the Cats plunging, The Beasman is lunging
THE BEASMAN cats crushed by florida radio sketch for MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2017 TOM BRADY GOT FIVE RINGS BUT COACH CAL ONLY GOT ONE. DADGUMMIT, LEâTâS GIT TOM BRADY TO COME COACH THE CATS BEFORE WE TURN INTO ROBERT MORRIS THE 2ND. (cry) WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE, YOU BALD HAIRED SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN CARDINAL FRAUD. YâALL CAN ACT ALL BIGTIME RIGHT NOW BUT THE NC2A BOUT TO BRING YâALL THE DEATH PENALTY FOR VALENTIMEâS DAY. SO QUIT YOUR SMIRKIN ABOUT U UH KAYâS BOWLIN GREEN MASSACRE. ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES IS BOUT TO POP A VEIN OVER THIS BIMBARRASSMENT. AINâT NOBODY HAPPY IN WILDCAT COUNTRY, LARRY, SO SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE
The Beasman: God smites Cards for playbook theft, Cats shock the world
radio scripts for Monday, November 28, 2016 THE BEASMAN #1 itâs over OH BOO HOO HOOOOO! KEEP CRYINâ YOUR CARDINAL TEARSâŚTHEYâRE DELICIOUS! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS! KEEP BURNIN THEM COUCHES, CAT FANS! THIS HERE IS BIGGER âEN CHRISTMAS! U UH KAY DONE SLAYED THE EVIL CARDINAL DEMONS! STEPHEN JOHNSON FOR HEISMAN! MARK STOOPS FOR S.E.C. COACH OF THE YEAR! U UH KAY WILDCATS FOR THE PLAYOFFS! BOOM WILLIAMS FOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR! AWWWW BLUE! WHITE! BLUE! WHITE! CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) ITâS FINALLY OVER FOR YOU LOWDOWN, SAGGY PANTS, BACKWARDS CAP, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GANG BANG, U OF SMELL CARDINAL POSERS. YOU DONE BEEN EXPOSED BY THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS! AINâT NO
High holy season returns to Kentucky
The joy quotient in the Commonwealth of Kentucky shoots through the ceiling every November when basketball season begins. It's a religion in the state. Other states celebrate Rhodes scholars changing the world. We celebrate sweaty teenagers who can dunk a ball or sprint with a pigskin. That's just who we are. >>>>>>>>>RADIO SCRIPT>>>>>>>>> THE BEASMAN tipoff luncheon air date 10-28-16 WELL, THEREâS YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK OUT THERE TO THE TIPOFF LUNCHEON TELLING HIS LIES AGAIN. âOHHH. U OF SMELL FANS IS GONNA BE HAPPY AGAIN CUZ WE GONNA GO OUT THERE AND WIN ANOTHER BANNER.â THATâS A BUNCH OF HORSE PUCKEY. WHAT KIND OF BANNER IS THAT I-TALIAN MAFIA MAN TAWIN BOUTâŚA MEMORIAL BANNER FOR