THE BEASMAN u of smell happy times (cry) THIS HERE IS A NIGHTMARE TIME FOR US KENTUCKY WILDCATS! (cry) COACH CAL SUCKS AND U UH KAY ONLY GOT 8 SUPERSTARS AND WE CAINT BEAT SUCKY AUBURN! (cry) HOW COME WE DONāT GOT 15 MACK-DONNER ALL-AMERICOS? (cry) NOBODY TAWKIN UP BIG BLUE NATION BUT ERRBODY TAWKIN BOUT LAY-MAR JACKSON! (cry) IāM SICK OF HEARIN BOUT LAY-MAR IS THE GREATEST! (cry) We surprised Lamar Jackson with a special video right after he won MVP.His reaction is everything. @lj_era8 pic.twitter.com/VzeVLjBqcq— NFL (@NFL) February 2, 2020 AND THEN YOU GOT THE BALDY MACK WINNIN STREAK FOR U OF SMELL BASKETBAW AND U OF SMELLāS #1 FAN BILL MURRAY IN THE SUPER BO COMMERCIAL. HOW COME
Tag: radio sketch
Cardinals win at Duke, Cat fans unmoved, Beasman praying for March Madness rematch with U of L
THE BEASMAN Louisville beats duke SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH ABOUT EVERBODY LOVES SEEINā LOSERVILLE BEATINā DUKE. IāM PART OF EVERBODY AND I DONāT LIKE IT ONE BIT, DADGUMMIT! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! IF BOTH TEAM BUSSES FOR DUKE AND LOSERVILLE WENT OVER A CLIFF, KENTUCKY FANS WOULD REJOICE BY BURNINā COUCHES! Ls DOWN AND DUKIES DOWN! YāALL BOTH DEVILS WHO OUGHTA BE BURNT AT THE STAKE LIKE MY GRANNYāS COUCH! THE ONLY TIME ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES CELLER-MABRATE IS WHEN OUR SAINTLY KENTUCKY WILDCATS BEAT DUKE! TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS GIT SICK TO THEIR STOMACHS WHENEVER LOSERVILLE GITS GOOD NEWS. U UH KAY FANS ONLY CARE ABOUT U UH KAY! GO CATS! GO BLUE!
Cats stunned again, The Beasman wants Eddie Sutton and Kenny Sky Walker to take charge, and wants iHeart to fire Larry Minner for smirking
THE BEASMAN cats lose to south caramaliner HOW COME THEY DINT FIRE YOU WHEN THEY CLEANED HOUSE THE OTHER DAY? I JUST BOUT VOMITED WHEN I HEARED YOUR GUTLESS WEASEL VOICE ON THE WH&S TODAY. WHY IS YāALL LAUGHIN BOUT STUFF TODAY? THIS HERE IS A BONER-FIED BIG BLUE NATION TRAGEDY WE GOT GOIN ON AND YāALL ON THERE MAKIN JOKES! MOST KENTUCKY KIDS COULDNāT GO TO SCHOOL DAY CUZ OF DEE-PRESSION. DOCTORS IS HANDIN OUT FREE PROZAC. KENTUCKY IS A DEE-ZASTER ZONEā¦NO JOY NOWHERE! (cry) THIS IS MORE HORRIBLE-ER THAN LOSIN TO TENNERSEE LASS YEAR. (cry) GO AHEAD AND MOCK ME, YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROSS-EYED, U OF SMELL BOOTLICKIN HAS BEEN NOBODY! He. Called. Game. @The__Future11
The Beasman and all Wildcat fans can celebrate Christmas now that #1 Louisville lost
THE BEASMAN terry show opener (sing) ITāS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEAAAAAAR! āOL LOSERVILLEāS LOSIN, THEY TOOK A REAL BRUISIN, NOW CAT FANS ARE CRUISINā¦ITāS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEAAAAARRRR!ā (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! SANTA IS COMIN DOWN THE CHIM-LEE AND Ls IS GOIN DOWN THE PO! (laffs) We agree, @JayBilas!š“#4To1 | #WreckEmā«ļø pic.twitter.com/EzuwsSCSA4— Texas Tech Basketball (@TexasTechMBB) December 11, 2019 OH LARRYā¦LAST NIGHT WAS THE BEST TV CHRISTMAS SPECIAL EVER! WATCHIN BALDY MACK AND HIS SUPPOSE-UB-LEE #1 CARDINALS LOOK LIKE GARBAGE ON NATIONAL TV! MERRRRRRRR-EEEEEEEE CHRISTMAS, CAT FANS! (laffs and switch to singing) āIāM DREAMIN OF A BLUE AND WHITE CHRISTMASā¦JUST LIKE THE WILDCATS USED TO KNOW!ā (laffs) POOR SAD LOSERVILLE. OL EBENEEZER
Look out, Cardinals…here come them there Notre Dame Cathlick beak busters
THE BEASMAN football is back I BET YOUāS JEALOUS OF COACH CAL PLAYIN GOLF WITH PRESSER-DENT BROCK PAJAMAS, AINāT YOU, LARRY? COACH CAL HANGS OUT WITH ALL THE BIGTIME STARS LIKE BROCK PAJAMAS, LEE-BRON JAMES, JAY Z, THE DRAKE, AND THE OAK RIDGE BOYS. WHICH PRESIDENT DID YOU PLAY GOLF WITH, LARRY MINNER? THE PRESIDENT OF THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN? (laffs) ITāS TIME FOR FOOTBAW, CARDINAL SISSIES! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, YOU FILTHY U OF SMELLERS, CUZ YāALL BOUT TO DIE! (laffs) I LOVE IT! THE CARDINAL CRIMINALS GOT TO WAIT ALL WEEKEND FOR THEIR EXER-CUTION AT THE HANDS OF THEM DRUNK IRISH PEDDER-FILE, FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK SINNERS. (laffs) YāALL DEE-SERVE EACH OTHER, YOU STRIPPER POLE, GRAMMAW PROSTER-TUTE LOVIN LOSERVILLE
The Catholic God is out to get Kentucky, can Coach Cal become a Protestant for better heavenly help?
THE BEASMAN I hate cathlicks I HATE CATHLICKS LIKE YOU, LARRY MINNER. ALL YOUR FAKE RELIGION BUDDIES THINK YOU CAN JUST GO GIT DRUNK AT THE MARDI GRAS AND VOMIT ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THEN GO TO CONFESSION AND ALL YOUR SINS JUST GIT WIPED AWAY LIKE A ETCH-A-SKETCH. TELL THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW, YOU CATHLICK FRAUD. THEM NOTRE DAME PHONIES LAID DOWN AND JUST LET THE NOBODY CARDINALS BEAT āEM, RIGHT? ANDRE MCGEE PROBLEE GIVE A HUNK OF CASH TO THAT POPE FELLER! THATāS HOW YāALL SINFUL CARDINAL BIRDS OPERATE. YOU AND ALL THEM OTHER TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS CARDINAL FANS MAKE ME SICK EVER TIME YOU MENTION THAT U UH KAY LOST. WE KNOW WE LOST,
U of Smell pulverizes the Turd Heels, Beasman flummoxed
THE BEASMAN UofL shocks UNC WELL HOOTY HOOTY HOOā¦THE CARDINAL BIRDS CAUGHT āEM A WORM. WOW! US BIG BLUE NATION KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS REEEEAAAALY IMPRESSED THAT BALDY MACK AND HIS BAD NEWS BEARS GOT EM A BIG WIN AGAINST THEM TURD HEELS. WHAT DID YāALL DO, SEND KATINEENER POWELL TO SPEND ALL NIGHT DOIN NASTY STUFF WITH THE NARTH CARAMALINER PLAYERS? (laffs) DID KENNY JOHNSON SHOW UP AND START HANDIN OUT HOUSE PAYMENT MONEY TO THEM TURD HEEL PLAYER PARENTS? (laffs) I WAS JUST KIDDIN ON FRIDEE WHEN I SAID I WAS PULLIN FOR THE TURD HEELSā¦US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS HATE NARTH CARAMALINER. BUT WE ALSO HATE YāALL SO ITāS TOO BAD IT WERENāT A TIE! (laffs)
U of Smell can’t shake the stank; Cats woke
THE BEASMAN lipscomb win I SEEN YOUR SOCCER COACH RUN OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, LARRY. WHAT HAPPENED, DID YāALL SEND HIM A STRIPPER AS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT BUT HE HAD TOO MANY MORALS TO SMOOCH HER? (laffs) WE DONāT LIKE U UH KAY SOCCER, NEITHER, CUZ ITāS JUST A BUNCH OF STINKBREATH FUR-EN-URZ RUNNIN AROUND A COW PASTURE WITHOUT NOBODY NEVER SCORIN, JUST LIKE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DATING LIFE, RIGHT LARRY? (laffs) POOR POOR LARRY. HIS PRECIOUS CARDINALS IS ALL WARSHED UP AND HIS BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK DONE FALLED IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER BALD GUY NAME OF DICK VITALIS. (laffs) ITāS JUST A SCUMBAG SCHOOL, PEOPLE. U OF SMELL IS SO GROSS
Cats lose. Beasman wants Coach Cal fired and that rotten Sister Jean excommunicated
THE BEASMAN cats lose (cry) I WOULDNāT A-SHOOK THEIR HANDS, NEITHER. BUNCH OF STREET THUG, SCRAPPING, LYIN, CHEATING, BRASS KNUCKLE, CAT O NINE TAILS, BASEBAW BAT SWINGING, PUNK, HIPPIE, SNOWFLAKE, M.M.A., FACE KICKIN, NOBODY, KANSAS WHEAT FIELD TRASH. (cry) I AINāT SLEPT A DADGUM WINK, LARRY MINNER. THIS CAINT BE REAL. (cry) WE IS THE CATS! AINāT NOBODY POSED TO PUSH US AROUND AND DO ALL THAT BALL SLAPPIN, REACH-IN, SHAWNEE PARK DIRT BOWL, RUMBLINā, GUN TOTIN, DRIVE-BY SHOOTIN, NECK TATTOO, 8-ON-5, GANG BANG, BRAWLER BALLIN AGAINST THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS! WHO DO THEY THINK THEY IS, SOME PRISON PLAYGROUND TEAM? (cry) THEM REFFERMARIES WAS LETTIN
Cards get their jaws jacked in the NIT, the Beasman suggest a Toys R Us strategy to go out of business
THE BEASMAN cards pounded by miss state (laffs) I BEEN A-LAUGHIN ALL LAST NIGHT AND TODAY WATCHING U OF SMELLāS DUMPSTER FIRE TURN INTO A INFERNO! GOVERNOR BLEVINS NEEDS TO DEE-CLARE THE U OF SMELL ATHLETICS DEE-PARTMENT A DISASTER AREA. IN CASE YOU DINT GIT THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER OFF THE TRUCK THAT SMASHED YOUR N.I.T. DREAMS, IT SAID āMISTERSIPPI STATE.ā (laffs) LOOK OUT, CARDINAL BIRDSā¦HERE COMES ANOTHER SLAM DUNK DOWN ON YOUR POINTY CHEATIN HEADS! LARRY, THE S.E.C. JACKS LITTLE BROTHERāS JAW AND EVERTHANG IS HAP-HA-HAPPY IN BIG BLUE NATION! HOW YOU DOIN, LARRY? IāM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT KILLIN YOURSELF. I FIGGERED LOTS OF CARDINAL CRYBABY FANS WOULD JUMP