THE BEASMAN cats lose to LSU T-T-T-TELL ME IT WAS ALL A BAD DREAM! (long cry) I CAINT GIT OUTTA BED TODAY C-C-C-C CUZ MY PRECIOUS KENTUCKY WILDCATS LOSTED LAST NIGHT. (cry) THAT NASTY L.S.U. PLAYER DID A 360 DUNK AT THE FINAL BUZZER TO MOCK THE CATS EVEN MORE! (cry) WHY, GOD, WHY? (cry) THE G-G-G-GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS GOT DISRESPECTERCATED DOWN THERE AT L.S.U. (cry) THE CATS WAS LEADING BY 9 POINTS WITH TWO MINUTES LEFT AND THEN (cry) ALL HADES BROKE LOOSE! (long cry) THEM L.S.U. THUGS STARTED HITTING BIG SHOTS AND WE DINT HAVE NO TY TY OR NO SAVIOR TO HELP US! TY TY GOT THE CRAMP CRAMPS AND THE SAVIOR GOT HIS JAW JACKED
Tag: radio sketch
CATHLICKIN’ đ The Beasman thinks Coach Cal lets Catholic opponents win to help him get to Heaven
đĽ @blakewesley0 really did that pic.twitter.com/OwNnq7GlWy— Notre Dame Basketball (@NDmbb) December 12, 2021 THE BEASMAN uk loses to catholics I HATE CATHLICKS. I HATE YOU. I HATE ST. X. I HATE THE POPE. I HATE ALL YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH U OF SMELL CARDINAL THUG FANS RUNNIN AROUND SMIRKIN ABOUT U UH KAY LOSIN TO THE NOTRE DAME! (cry) EVEN THEIR COACH IS MAKIN FUN OF U UH KAY! (cry) ERRBODYâS A-MAWKIN U UH KAY! (cry) WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS GOIN ON WITH COACH CAL? IS HE PUTTIN HIS RELIGION AHEAD OF HIS KENTUCKY COACHIN JOB? DADGUMMITâŚTHATâS A FIREABLE OFFENSE! (cry) HERE WE IS ON SAIRDEE, READY TO STOMP ON THEM UNRANKED, CATHLICK FISH BREATH, BEER GUZZLIN, BABY MAKIN,
“LOSERVILLE THUGS IS TOO BUSY LOOTIN STORES AND SHOOTIN EACH OTHER IN THE STREETS TO SHOW UP FOR FOOTBAW GAMES” – The Beasman predicts a UK dominant crowd for the Kentucky vs Louisville football game
THE BEASMAN hate week AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (long laff) ITâS HATE WEEK, CAT FANS, AND US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS HATE ONE TEAM MORE THAN ANY OTHER TEAMâŚTHEM STINKY, NECK TATTOO, DOPE SMOKIN, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, STRIPPER POLE LOVIN, LYIN, CHEATIN, PLAYBOOK STEALING LOSERVILLE CARDINAL CONVICTS! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) THE WHOLE STATE HATES LOSERVILLE! WE HATE YOUR SCHOOL, YOUR CRIME, YOUR TRASH, AND YOUR MAMAS! (laffs) YâALLS CRIME INFESTED TOWN IS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO BLUEGRASS COUNTRY! GOVERNOR BESHEAR, A WILDCAT FAN, TRIED TO SELL YâALL TO INJIANNER! (laffs) INJIANNER SAID âNO THANKS. WEâD RATHER TAKE CHICAGO CUZ THEY GOT LESS KILLINGS!â (laffs) TO GIT RID OF MURDER CITY, JUST DIG THE
Gun-tucky Wildcats arrested, Beasman begs U of Smell to take the blame
THE BEASMAN six wildcats arrested I AINâT HAD A WINK O SLEEP WORRYIN IF ANY MORE KENTUCKY WILDCATS GONNA GIT SENT TO THE POKEY! (cry) I BOUT HADDA STROKE WHEN THEY SAID 6 U UH KAY FOOTBAW PLAYERS POINTED A GUN AT A LOYAL TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT FAN. I MEAN, IF THEY WAS PISTOL WHIPPIN A LOSERVILLE CARDINAL FAN, I COULD TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. BUT NAWâŚWE GOT US A BONER-FIED BIG BLUE BOO HOO! US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS LOVE TAUNTIN OTHER SCHOOLS WHEN THEYâS IN TROUBLE. BUT CATS POINTIN GUNS AT OTHER CATS AINâT GONNA WIN US THE NOBEL PRIEST PRIZE. (cry) OUR CLASSY CAT PLAYERS DONE BEAT UP SOME FRATERNITY PUNK BUT HE IS A WILDCAT FRATERNITY PUNK SO WE
The Beasman is stunned by the NBA draft aversion to choosing Wildcats
THE BEASMAN nba draft disaster ITâS ANOTHER DARK DAY IN WILDCAT COUNTRY, LARRY MINNER! (cry) WHAT KIND OF DRUGS IS THEM NBA COACHES SNIFFIN? I WAS SETTIN THERE LAST NIGHT BU-SPECTIN THE FIRST 3 PICKS TO BE THE U UH KAY KENTUCKY WILDCATS, RIGHT? YâALL BOUT TO PICK I-ZAYER JACKSON FIRST! THEN GONNA BE BRANDO BOSTON! NEXT COME OLIVIER SARR FROM U UH KAY! (cry) BUT NAWWWW! EVER TIME THAT BALD HAIRED, MEERKAT LOOKIN NBA COMMISH-NER WALKED UP TO THE PODIUM HE WOULD CALL OUT THE NAME OF A LOSER FROM SOME OTHER SCHOOL, NOT KENTUCKY! (cry) THEY TOOK GUYS FROM OKLAHOMO STATE, GONZAGGER, STANFORD, ALAMBAMMER, THE MEMPHIS Y.M.C.A. AND EVEN DADGUM TENNERSEE! THEY PICKED A DADGUM PUKE ARNGE TENNERSEE GUY
The Beasman don’t want no UK bollybaw bandwagon jumpers like Larry Minner
THE BEASMAN uk volleyball national champs SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH MOUTH ABOUT THE U UH KAY NATIONAL CHAMPEEN BOLLYBAW GIRLS, LARRY MINNER, CUZ YOU IS A BANDWAGON JUMPIN U OF SMELL CARDINAL SUCKUP! YOU AINâT SNOWBALLIN ME, LARRY. YOU JUST TRYNA ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS NOW THAT THEY DONE WON IT ALL! ADMIT IT, YOU BALD HAIRED, CROSS EYED TRAITOR TURNCOAT, WENT TO U UH KAY BUT CHEERS FOR LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRDS. JUST LEAVE US TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY FANS TO CHEER FOR OUR NEW NATIONAL CHAMPEEN WILDCATS, THE FIRST S.E.C. TEAM TO EVER WIN THE BOLLYBAW TITLE! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! AND OUR BEST PLAYER IS THAT GIRL FROM LOSERVILLE NAME OF ALLI CAT! (laffs) DADGUMMIT, I
Louisville snubbed for March Madness, Beasman giddily taunts Cardinal fraud Larry Minner đ
THE BEASMAN #1 u of l denied ncaa tourney berth AWWWW M-I-T-C-H! MITCH! MITCH! MITCH! (laffs) MITCH BARNHART IS THE GREATEST KENTUCKY WILDCAT LEADER EVER! (laffs) WE NEED TO GIVE MITCH BARNHART A RAISE FOR PUNCHIN LOSERVILLE IN THE MOUTH AND KNOCKIN EM OUT OF THE NC2A TOURNEYMINT! (laffs) I AINâT STOPPED CHUCKLIN SINCE THEY ANNOUNCED THE BRACKETS! (laffs) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WAS SAD ABOUT BEIN ONE-AND-DONE IN THE S.E.C. TOURNEYMINT BUT THEN MITCH BARNFART SHOCKED EVERBODY BY TELLIN LOSERVILLE TO TAKE A SEAT! (laffs) I BETCHA CHRIS MACK WERENâT MAKIN NO SMART ALECK VIDEOS DOWN IN HIS BASEMENT BAR WITH ERIC WOODHEAD! (laffs) YâALL AINâT MOCKIN U UH KAY NO MORE, IS YOU, YOU NOBODY WORTHLESS
Coach Cal’s lifetime contract is sucking the life out of The Beasman
THE BEASMAN calipari lifetime contract SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH MOUTH, LARRY MINNER! I AINâT IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHINâ WITH YOU U OF SMELL BUTTKISSERS. YâALL CARDINALS CAINT SMIRK CUZ YâALL IS ON BASKETBAW PAUSE CUZ YâALL DISEASED UP WITH THE S.T.D.s. BUT AMERICA DONâT CARE! AMERICA WANTS TO SEE THEIR HERO KENTUCKY WILDCATS! TROUBLE ISâŚWE GO OUT THERE AND SUCK AGAIN! (cry) MY WILDCATS SUCK THE SUCKIEST SUCK IN THE HISTREE OF U UH KAY BASKETBAW. ITâS TRUE. BIG BLUE IS 5 AND 12 AND IT FEELS LIKE WE IS 5 AND 5 HUNDERD. (cry) I CAINT BLEEVE THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE SUNK LOWERâN A SNAKEâS BELLY. AFTER LOSIN TO THEM MOONSHINE SWILLIN, SISTER KISSIN TENNERSEE HILLBILLIES, OL COACH CAL
UK was only taking a knee to mourn the team they were about to kill
THE BEASMAN cat fan uprising I KNOW THEREâS A LOT OF CRABBY CAT FANS RIGHT NOW BUT TELL âEM TO PUT COACH CALâS FURNITURE BACK IN HIS HOUSE! COACH CAL DONâT GOTTA LEAVE LEXINUN AFTER ALL CUZ U UH KAY IS WINNIN AGAIN! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! DONTRAY ALLEN IS SHOOTIN THE LIGHTS OUT AND WE GOT KREON BROOKS PLAYIN AGAIN! BIG BLUE NATION OUGHT TO BE HAPPY BUT HALF OUR GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS SAY THEY AINâT FANS NO MORE! Laurel County Sheriff and Jailer burn their UK shirts in protest of UK kneeling last game pic.twitter.com/fyy71mnSJZ â Matt Jones (@KySportsRadio) January 11, 2021 LARRY, WHY CAINT YOU TAWK ABOUT KENTUCKYâS FAN UPRISING INSTEAD OF ALL THIS DUMB WARSHINUN STUFF? COME ON,
THE BEASMAN: If Coach Cal doesn’t beat his Catholic Notre Dame buddies, it’s curtains from Cat fans
THE BEASMAN cats losing streak continues (cry) THIS CAINT BE CHRISTMAS TIMEâŚITâS STILL HALLER-WEEN FOR KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS. (cry) I CAINT BLEEVE WE PAY COACH CAL 9 MILLION A YEAR TO GIVE US THIS DUMPSTER FIRE! WE JUST GOT BOOT STOMPED BY A WINLESS NOBODY JARJUH TECH NERD SCHOOL! (cry) DADGUMMIT, WE IS BIG BLUE NATION! WE IS THE CATS! COACH CAL DONE MAILIN IT IN, LARRY! HE LOOKS LIKE A OLD HIPPIE FREAK WITH HIS LONG HAIR AND BEER BELLY. AND SO OUR U UH KAY WILDCAT PLAYERS IS PROLLY SNIFFIN THE POT LIKE THEIR HIPPIE HEAD COACH! DADGUMMITâŚTHE WILDCAT TRAIN DONE RUN OFF THE TRACKS! THE CATS IS MAKIN MORE TURNOVERS THAN BETTY CROCKER. THAT BIG TRANSFER FELLERâŚOLIVER SARRâŚHEâS OLIVER SORRY!