THE BEASMAN you want some of this? LARRREEEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs) I WAS JUST CHECKIN THE NEW PO OUT TODAY AND IT SEEMS THAT THE #1 SLOT DON’T SAY LOSERVILLE NO MORE! (laffs) I LOVVVVVVE IT! HAVIN TO LOOK AT THAT UGLY LOSERVILLE WORD IN THE NUMBER ONE SLOT FOR TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS DONE GIVE ME A HEADACHE AND DIARRHEA. BUT I’M ALL CURED UP NOW THAT THEM ROTTEN U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS AIN’T SETTIN UP THERE ON #1 NO MORE! (laffs) HOORAY FOR THE PO! IT AIN’T GOT A NASTY FILTHY CARDINAL BIRD SETTING UP THERE RIDIN HERD! START SLIDING BACKWARD WHERE YOU BLONG, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, EAR GAUGE, CROSS EYED, CRACKHEAD CARDINAL FRAUDS!
Tag: college rivalry
Holy Toledo! U uh Kay footbaw gets less attention than Fraidy Cat Matt
THE BEASMAN game time GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! PAY COACH STOOPS! PAY COACH STOOPS! BEAT TOE-LEEDER! BEAT TOE-LEEDER! (laffs) OL’ BALD-HAIRED LARRY MINNER IS THE LONELIEST GUY IN KENTUCKY. (laffs) YOU THE ONLY GUY STILL AT WORK! ERRBODY ELSE OFF HAVING THEIR LABOR DAY WEEKEND SO NOBODY IS LISSENIN TO YOUR STUPID RADIO SHOW! (laffs) YOU OUGHTA ASK BOOGIE COUSINS TO PUT A BULLET IN YOUR BALD HEAD! (laffs) FREE BOOGIE! FREE BOOGIE! THAT AIN’T BOOGIE ON THE TAPE! LARRY MINNER, THE KARMA TRAIN IS COMIN FOR YOU MONDEE NIGHT! (laffs) YOU’LL BE CRYIN LIKE A BABY WHEN THEM DRUNK CATHLICKS GIT HERE FOR FOOTBAW! (laffs) YOUR CARDINAL FEATHERS GONNA BE SPRAYED ALL OVER THE TRAIN YARD
Big Blue Smack Talk – never calm before the storm
THE BEASMAN game night AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) IT’S SWEET 16 FRIDEE NIGHT AND AMERICA’S TEAM, THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS, IS GONNA CRUSH HOUSTON LIKE THEY IS IN THE ALAMO. AIN’T THAT IN HOUSTON? DON’T MATTER, THE MIGHTY WILDCATS GONNA TREAT HOUSTON LIKE IT’S JUSSIE SMOLLETT WALKIN HOME FROM SUBWAY AT 2 IN THE MARNIN WITH A FROZEN TUNA FISH SAMMICH. KA-POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER, HOUSTON! (laffs) TOO BAD TENNERSEE LOST TO HURT THE S.E.C. BUT YOU GOTTA REE-LIZE THEM REFFERMARIES IN LOSERVILLE IS LOWDOWN CHEATERS. THAT’S JUST THE LOSERVILLE WAY OF LIFE! (laffs) WHEN YOU GIT SENT TO CHEATERVILLE, EXPECT TO GIT CHEATED! (laffs) TOO BAD, SO SAD, TENNERSEE! (laffs) AUBURN AND L.S.WHO. PROLLY
U of Smell can’t shake the stank; Cats woke
THE BEASMAN lipscomb win I SEEN YOUR SOCCER COACH RUN OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, LARRY. WHAT HAPPENED, DID Y’ALL SEND HIM A STRIPPER AS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT BUT HE HAD TOO MANY MORALS TO SMOOCH HER? (laffs) WE DON’T LIKE U UH KAY SOCCER, NEITHER, CUZ IT’S JUST A BUNCH OF STINKBREATH FUR-EN-URZ RUNNIN AROUND A COW PASTURE WITHOUT NOBODY NEVER SCORIN, JUST LIKE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DATING LIFE, RIGHT LARRY? (laffs) POOR POOR LARRY. HIS PRECIOUS CARDINALS IS ALL WARSHED UP AND HIS BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK DONE FALLED IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER BALD GUY NAME OF DICK VITALIS. (laffs) IT’S JUST A SCUMBAG SCHOOL, PEOPLE. U OF SMELL IS SO GROSS
Meet the new boss, not the same as the old boss
"We play for the other 10 on the field." Scott Satterfield, the new University of Louisville head football coach, is an affable gentleman from North Carolina. His success at Appalachian State earned his bump up to UofL and A.C.C. competition. The top question is where he will start to turn around a program in meltdown mode. UofL's 2018 season was a total collapse. A defense that completely lost its way allowed unranked opponents to run up 50+ points. An immediate change is Satterfield's promise to open up the Louisville program to local high school football coaches, most of whom were ignored by the previous administration. Many highly ranked prep football players seem to sidestep both UofL and UK programs to land elsewhere. This year's
Louisville basketball beats Michigan State, are The Cats skeered?
THE BEASMAN Louisville beats Michigan State WELL…I GUESS YOU SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, THUGGIN’ CARDINAL FRAUDS THINK YOU IS HOT SNOT NOW, HUH? WELL YOU AIN’T, DADGUMMIT! JUST CUZ YOU GOT LUCKY AND MICHERGAN STATE LAID DOWN AND LET YOU WIN LAST NIGHT DON’T MEAN THE U OF SMELL DUMPSTER FIRE IS OUT. (laffs) BIG BLUE NATION KNOWS WHAT’S UP…Y’ALL IS STILL SKEEZY, STRIPPER POLE, SHOE COMPANY MONEY, 15 SECONDS OF RESTRUNT LOVE, LYIN UNDER OATH CONVICTS. (laffs) THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GOOD AND CLASSY, AND WE AIN’T SKEERED OF PLAYIN U OF SMELL IN A FEW WEEKS CUZ WE GOT GAMES AGAINST REAL TEAMS LIKE TONIGHT…WE PLAYIN SOMEBODY CALLED MON-MOUTH. I’M SURE THEY IS BETTER
Cats caught in storm of poor performance, difficult for Beasman to mock U of Smell
THE BEASMAN cats and petrino lose again WELL LARRY, MAYBE YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING TO GO TRAITOR TURNCOAT AND RENOUNCE YOUR U UH KAY LOYALTY TO BE A U OF SMELL THUG FAN. IT’S A BITTERSWEET TIME TO BE A CAT FAN, I TELL YOU WHAT. NORM-ULLY I’D BE DANCIN A JIG CUZ THE U OF SMELL FOOTBAW SCUMBAG COACH BOBBY NECK BRACE GOT FIRED BUT THEN AS SOON AS I START GRINNIN I THINK ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS PLAYIN LIKE POOPS AND I GIT SAD AGAIN. (crying) WE DON’T WANT BAMA NOW! U UH KAY IS RANKED #20 AND FALLIN. AIN’T NO NEW YEAR’S BIG SIX BO GAME. BINNY SNELL AIN’T GITTIN NO HEISHMAN TROPHY. AND TERRY
The Beasman knows that church money goes to heavenly recruits
THE BEASMAN cats still Top 20 (laffs) HEY LAREEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs) I BET YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL BUDDIES THUNK I WAS GONNA BE SAD ABOUT THE CATS LOSIN, BUT NAWWWWWWW. WE ALL GOOD! (laffs) THE U UH KAY WILDCATS IS STILL TOP 20, STOOPS IS STILL THE BEST COACH U UH KAY EVER HAD SINCE BEAR BRYANT, AND BINNY SNELL STILL GONNA WIN THE HEISHMAN TROPHY. (laffs) AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WE PUSHED THEM AGGIE BOYS TO OVERTIME AND OUR KICKER DONE AS GOOD AS HE COULD. (laffs) WE AIN’T MAD. U UH KAY STILL GONNA PLAY IN A NEW YEAR’S DAY BO. OUR QUARTERBACK IS A LITTLE
Cards get their jaws jacked in the NIT, the Beasman suggest a Toys R Us strategy to go out of business
THE BEASMAN cards pounded by miss state (laffs) I BEEN A-LAUGHIN ALL LAST NIGHT AND TODAY WATCHING U OF SMELL’S DUMPSTER FIRE TURN INTO A INFERNO! GOVERNOR BLEVINS NEEDS TO DEE-CLARE THE U OF SMELL ATHLETICS DEE-PARTMENT A DISASTER AREA. IN CASE YOU DINT GIT THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER OFF THE TRUCK THAT SMASHED YOUR N.I.T. DREAMS, IT SAID “MISTERSIPPI STATE.” (laffs) LOOK OUT, CARDINAL BIRDS…HERE COMES ANOTHER SLAM DUNK DOWN ON YOUR POINTY CHEATIN HEADS! LARRY, THE S.E.C. JACKS LITTLE BROTHER’S JAW AND EVERTHANG IS HAP-HA-HAPPY IN BIG BLUE NATION! HOW YOU DOIN, LARRY? I’M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT KILLIN YOURSELF. I FIGGERED LOTS OF CARDINAL CRYBABY FANS WOULD JUMP
Silence of the NCAA – death penalty, where is thy sting?
The week passes without an official notice from the NCAA on whether the University of Louisville's appeal of sanctions will be honored. All speculation is that the NCAA will affirm the original sanctions that include nullifying the 2013 men's basketball national championship, the 2012 Final Four appearance, and return of monies earned by the school for any games where ineligible players performed. Ineligibility was assigned to any player who had received sexual favors during a three year period where alleged prostitute Katina Powell provided women to players, recruits, and recruit chaperones. But the NCAA's silence doesn't keep The Beasman quiet. RADIO SKETCH JANUARY 26, 2018 YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU TRAITOR TURNCOAT WILDCAT BACKSTABBER. I HEAR YOU ON THERE SMIRKIN AND